Wednesday 28 December 2011

An even longer night

The exhaustion has given way to ill-health. Yesterday the Fox got up complaining of feeling shivery despite feeling red-hot to my fingers. We decided on an early dinner. Not very early as we wanted to get back to our more normal pattern of life. The Fox barely managed a couple of mouthfuls of the tagine without complaining of it being as dry as sawdust - to me it was as moist as any slow-cooked meat tends to be. He never got started on the jacket potato. The wine he managed a glass but that was about it. He abandoned the meal & staggered off to bed.

I sat & finished off some more of my meal & the bottle of wine. Then I tried to get up. I found panic setting in as I just couldn't manage it. I contemplating phoning Lin - the mobile phone I could reach without getting up & her number is in it. I could tell her the address of one of our neighbours who is a locksmith & who I'm sure could break in the locked door without causing undue damage so she could come to the rescue.

First, I thought, one final effort. I managed to get up. I hastily tidied away the remnants of food, got changed & went to bed. It may be early but there didn't seem any point in risking again not be able to get up to go to bed without assistance. So another long night was had. This time I was in bed by 6.30pm & didn't get up until 7.30am. 

All this sleep is no doubt needed. I'm just hoping the Fox is feeling brighter when he gets up today, otherwise I can see I'm going to have to organise some emergency help from somewhere. I'm certainly not going to sit on any chair except my electric recliner/riser chair this afternoon or later. I'm not going to take the risk of getting stuck again. My health may be fine but my disability causes difficulties without the Fox's assistance. At times like this I become aware of just how much I depend on him to be able to do the simplest of things.

Tuesday 27 December 2011

What a knockout!

Readers of the Fox's Christmas Eve blog will realise how anxious we had become about Christmas meal out. As it turned out it was a quiet success. Geo, Lin's father, was also a guest at the feast & turned out to be a charming gentleman. He's in his 90s & looking very well on it. The food was all enjoyable. PD managed to calm down a bit so we didn't have to behave like the performing seals we feared, thank goodness.

We got home in the early evening & promptly conked out. First the Fox had an hour's nap. By then I was clearly past waking up so went to bed at just 8.15pm. I didn't wake up until 12 hours later. Even then I was back in bed by 10.30am ready for a further few hours of zizz. As I say we conked out. 

Yesterday I couldn't even get my thoughts around the idea of what to do for food. In the end we went for a quick microwaveable Booth's ready meal. That was about all we felt up to, though while looking for the meal I noticed a bag of diced lamb leg which I duly got out for today. We're going Moroccan with a lamb tagine for a change. It's plopping as I write.

All this exhaustion is, I suspect, a reflection of the sheer relief of getting through the Christmas festivities & surviving. For a while I've been aware of feeling increasingly tired. Partially that's the effect of the cold - over Xmas I've finally stopped blowing although I am still coughing a bit. PD has been going on about this meal ever since we accepted the invitation months ago, Our sense of dread & general tension steadily grew as his excitement grew. Nothing, but nothing, could live up to the wonders he was intending, nay expecting. Now it's over we've just flopped. I suspect we will stay flopped for another day or two, maybe till next year, before we really take up the reins of life once more.

I hope you all had a good meal & hopefully didn't just conk out in exhaustion like us.

Friday 23 December 2011

Fishy times

Things have been getting very fishy of late. It began on Wednesday, when the Fox made some Aberdeen Eggs - Scotch eggs with a kippery mix encasing the egg rather than sausagemeat. It tended to disintegrate a bit - the kippery mix was very soft, so we shallow fried them to be on the safe side - but they tasted delicious. The egg was lightly boiled so it just oozed out when you cut into it.

Then yesterday, as we had some kippers left, I made some kipper & egg filled jacket potatoes. Similar ingredients, same accompaniments, & yet it tasted so different.

How come we had some kippers left? Readers of our blogs will know we often have a Kipper & Egg Kedgeree - one of the Fox's regular Sunday culinary offerings. We always use John West tinned kippers. 

I'm convinced the thing that deters most people from eating more fish is the bones. I was fortunate. In my childhood, we usually went to the Isle of Man for our holidays. And what else can you have there for breakfast but Manx kippers? My mother loved them. When I was very little she carefully took the backbone out for me. As I grew older she taught me how to do it for myself. Then we discovered these tinned kippers so we could have kippers at other times of the year too &, what is more, any bones were so soft as to be unnoticeable. When I met the Fox I duly introduced him to these tinned delights & I'm glad to say he loved them too. So much nicer than the frozen ones. I suppose I have to confess that the texture is maybe better on the true Manx kipper - though that could be just my memory since it's a long time since I had them fresh - but the tinned are tasty & easy. So it is we used half a tin in the first meal, & half in the second.

By way of a change, today I've been busy making a fish pie with a mixture of haddock, salmon, naturally smoked haddock from our local smokehouse & prawns. I'm really looking forward to eating it this evening. I sometimes think we could very happily live on fish all the time, especially if there were a few eggs too.

But all of this is avoiding saying what I may not have another chance too. I anticipate tomorrow being a busy day as I want to get my Sunday chores  - bed changing, sorting out the washing, emptying out the airing cupboards & putting the clean clothes away in drawers & wardrobes - done tomorrow. and first I will have to start with this week's ironing. All that is to say I fear I may not have opportunity to sit down & write tomorrow., so I'll say now   


  Happy Christmas all my readers
I hope you all have a wonderful day.
 Happy Christmas indeed

Thursday 22 December 2011

The lights come on

We spent yesterday afternoon putting up our Christmas tree. Somehow everything seems so much more festive. The twinkling lights, the reflective baubles, the streams of tinsel, the glittery star, all make the world seem so much more sparkly. The rest of the room is adorned with Christmas cards. We are fortunate to have so many friends, so many people who think of us at this time of year.

Meanwhile, outside, the lights have changed in a more other-worldly way. They've been changing the street lights. Gone are the warm orange lights of before. Now we have halogen lights. They give a weird blueish light. People walking along the road look like zombies as all colour gets washed out of their faces. 

I dare say we will get used to the new look. I expect these lights are more economic to run & more eco-friendly. They probably pollute the skies less. But initially at least, they are less aesthetically pleasing & certainly give us the impression the undead are about to take over the world!

Wednesday 21 December 2011

A joyful reunion

We're still busily hand delivering some of our local cards. 

We stop at the house of one of our friends. The road seems full of cars.  Nonetheless we park. The Fox gets out to deliver ours. As he goes I notice the people at the door of our friend are John & Janet, our former vicar & his wife. It turns into a joyful reunion.

It seems John & Janet are having Christmas dinner with the in-laws of one of their son. This happens to be just across the road from where we are spending our Christmas Day. We're hoping to bump into one another then too. 

It made a very pleasant surprise, a real pleasure to see them again. 

I wish I could feel as warmly towards our new vicar but I can't. I haven't been to church, except for funerals, since Easter. I'm contemplating trying again in the new year. If I'm still not happy, I think I will try another church, not too much further, in a different direction. Meanwhile I will continue to go via radio or just read a bit of the Bible by myself. I've nearly read all of Genesis now, from start to finish, a chapter at a time. It's high time I gave the Bible, the main book of my faith, a thorough read.

Tuesday 20 December 2011

What a difference a day makes!

We do the big food shop yesterday. I was in two minds as to whether to do it then or just leave it until the new year & use up stuff from the freezer until then. We start off with the essentials eg the milk, onions, margarine, the things needed just to get to Christmas.

It didn't seem too bad at first. Half an hour later bedlam had arrives. People stand bewildered in aisles, staring blankly around them, making it impossible for other people to get round them. Most people are pushing around trolleys piled high with goodies. You wouldn't believe the shops are only closing for a couple of days. Although I appreciate some people will have guests coming to stay for the holiday & so need extra food, surely there should be some people who don't, people like us who are going to be guests at the party rather than hosts. But the Bank Holiday food panic has well & truly set in. People are buying for months of siege.

Eventually we're done & head for the tills. We manage to find a shortish queue. We're in a hurry. We were supposed to be picking up PD to take him to the Pub quarter of an hour before, but the shopping had taken that much longer fighting through our fellow shoppers. The cashier grabs the milk bottle. Milk spurts out, all down her & the till. She cries out in surprise & shock. She hastily starts mopping herself down. Eventually a supervisor comes to help, bucket in hand. We're not allowed to find another bottle of milk ourselves. They will do that. We wait & wait as things get mopped up, before the assistant goes off to find the replacement bottle. Eventually we're through. 

We arrive at the Pub, relieved to be able to relax after that experience of living hell. I look at the till receipt. After all that fuss, they'd failed to charge us for the milk. I contemplate going back to tell the shop but just can't face it. I tell myself they'd probably tell me to just keep it.

So this morning PD rings. He was just back from his big pre-Christmas shop. They'd got to Tescos's for 7am when it opened. There wasn't a fellow shopper in sight. They'd sailed through easily. The only disadvantage was that the fresh fish hadn't been delivered yet, but that hadn't bothered them as they weren't looking for fish today. It had been easier than usual. What a contrast!

The day they're worried about is Friday when they've got a 9am time slot to collect there pre-ordered M&S foods. M&S is in Lancaster so is sure to be busy. It's busy enough on any Friday, let alone the day before Christmas Eve.

What a relief it will be when shops, & fellow shoppers, get back to normal!

Sunday 18 December 2011

The hunt

Christmas will soon be upon us. Yesterday we had a grand hunt. We located our artificial Christmas tree & decorations. We intend to put them up later in the week. Angie, our cleaner is due tomorrow. We thought we'd wait until she's been, then the house should be nice & clean. It's always difficult to clean around the tree etc, so we've cancelled Angie for the following two weeks.They're both bank holidays & I dare say she will appreciate being able to have a bit more time at home with her family.

More frustrating was the hunt for Christmas wrapping paper. We did have a couple of rolls plus several odd sheets & a box of festive gift tags. We abandoned buying presents years ago - too much hassle when you have to face crowds in a wheelchair - so we've not needed paper etc since we moved here 11 years ago. This year, though, we have bought a few little things - one for Angie by way of thanks for all her hard work keeping us clean & tidy, & one for our Christmas hosts, PD & Lin, for having us. We'll also be taking some bottles of wine with us on the Day to help celebrate the occasion.

So we've hunted & hunted. I think we've looked in every box, every cupboard, in the attic, everywhere we can think of. No paper. 

Did we even bring it with us when we moved house? We both think so. It would be atypical of us to throw something potentially useful like that away. We abhor throwing good stuff away. We tend to be hoarders. 


But where could we have put it? We're going to try the garden shed this afternoon. There's no electricity there. By the time we'd completed the hunt in the house yesterday it was too dark to rummage there. If not, Angie's present will just have to be wrapped in some ordinary gift paper. Then later in the week we'll have to buy some more Xmas paper to wrap up the gift for our friends.


That is unless we find where the older stuff is. We'll probably find it when we put away any excess from the new paper we buy. 


Though maybe.....

 

Friday 16 December 2011

Foody thoughts

It seemed eerily quiet this morning. It's strange not seeing the trees doing their whirling-dervish dance. As the morning has gone on, the cause of the uneasiness is apparent. It's snowing. So far it's not sticking. It seems to be turning more watery as the shower, more rainlike, continues so I can't see it staying despite some of the large flakes that have come down.

We were talking in our local village pub yesterday about the "Masterchef: the Professionals" to come latter last night. One person who followed the programme admitted she had looked up the price of a meal at the Gleneagles restaurant that had featured earlier in the series.

"£125 per person for the set menu!" she gasped. "Lucky for some."

This is a price out of the range of the pockets of most of our friends, neighbours & acquaintances except on a very special occasion, a once-in-a-lifetime event, certainly not as a regular thing.

I couldn't help thinking, though, would I really like fine food dining on a daily basis. I think not. We have had the experience sometimes on holiday. I will not deny the pleasure & the treasured memories. But on the other hand I have some great memories of more normal fare, of a fabulous black peppery steak & kidney pie, at one time available in a particular Lakeland pub, for example.

I suppose ultimately I want food without towers to demolish. I'm happy to have food that is not so pretty on the plate but tastes good & satisfies my appetite.

I suppose I also have to admit I think fine dining also means missing out on some great classics. Today, for example, we're having a homemade chicken & vegetable pie - it's all ready for the oven this evening - a good homely favourite that I just can't imagine the likes of Michel Roux serving in his restaurant. I can't even begin to imagine how he could present it fancily & yet retain its integrity as a traditional British pie, with pastry top & bottom & oozing creamy chicken & vegetables. No, give me more homely food. Good & simple, comforting & warming, full of associations with family & friends. That suits me just fine.

Wednesday 14 December 2011

The cynic in me

The storm blows on. Today I'm accompanied by the patter of something coming down, dashing against the windows. It seems to be an icy mix, somewhere between rain & hail. I suspect on the fells across the water it will be snow.

The Fox , meanwhile, has got Big Ears, our slow cooker, out. He's made an Italian beef stew. We're going to have it with polenta for a change. I think we've only had polenta once before. Although it's fairly nondescript in itself - rather like mash or boiled potatoes, I think it should be a great accompaniment to a flavoursome casserole. As polenta is recommended for the meal, polenta we will try. It will certainly be a change.

Last night I found myself getting quite cynical. We watched "Masterchef: the Professionals" on BBC2. The finalists were sent off to work in the 3-star Michelin restaurant El Celier de Can Roca in Spain. I couldn't help wondering if they hadn't gone there as an excuse for the judges, Greg Wallace & Michel Roux Jr, to have a free, what must have been expensive, taster meal, on the BBC. Much as I appreciated the imagination of the Roca brothers - the idea of baby squid served on a bowl of smoke, or the sheep dessert coated with a fleece of candyfloss - I couldn't help thinking there must be somewhere nearer home they could have gone, or for that matter was it really necessary for the judges to go as well. Certainly they hadn't attended all the meals in the other great British restaurants  the contestants had been sent to in earlier rounds. I know I'm just being cynical. And it was a great opportunity for the contestants to experience quite a different style of cooking. Maybe I'm just envious. 

Tuesday 13 December 2011

They're back

The storms are back. The winds blast around our home. From time to time rain slashes at the windows. And we have to go out in it this afternoon! We're out of milk once more.

Meanwhile I've been making some pea soup for this evening. After last night's feast we feel the need for something lighter tonight. The food was excellent. We both had the winter mushroom casserole. If you like mushrooms this was superb, so mushroomy. All sorts of mushrooms, both wild & cultivated, were to be found in the steamy creamy sauce. Delicious.

We both moved on to the venison steaks. Again very good. We were even asked how we wanted the steaks doing. Although that is the norm with beef steaks, & I had taken specific orders from those having the fillet or sirloin steaks, I hadn't bothered with the venison. We all thought the venison was cooked to perfection.

After that the Fox & I went our different ways. He settled on the boozy Christmas trifle. It didn't look like any trifle he'd ever had before & didn't seem particularly boozy, but he did enjoy it. I had the chocolate & mandarin cheesecake - light & beautifully balanced.

So today we're in need of a bit of cutting down. If this wind doesn't calm down - & the forecast doesn't sound hopeful - the idea of a bowl or two of steaming hot soup has great appeal. Just the thing to warm you through after being out in the cold, however brief a time!

Monday 12 December 2011

The festivities begin

I seem to have been very tired over the weekend. I've had a couple of very long nights in bed, the majority of which has been asleep. I think it's just a sign of how much my cold has drained my energies. I seem to have reached the final stages of that. I've only used a couple of tissues the last couple of days, though I was perturbed to see a streak of crimson in the phlegm I coughed up yesterday. I'm not going to worry unless it happens again.

Meanwhile I'm trying to get into festive mood. We've already received a few cards. Neighbours even ventured out in the horrific storms to deliver them! I've finally got around to writing my first few.

Tonight is the Gerarics' Corner's Christmas dinner at the Pub. I hope to deliver all those cards at the do. I know others are intending the same. Hopefully it should be a grand occasion, full of merriment & laughter.

It seems strange, though, not preparing any food for tonight. This afternoon I'm hoping for a bit of a nap to keep me going through the evening. We don't often going out in an evening as I tend to find it so tiring. Whatever else happens it will be a change.

Friday 9 December 2011

What a blow!

I thought it was wild on Wednesday, but Thursday was not much of an improvement. 


I was surprised when the phone went early in the morning. It was from the man who runs the salt marsh lamb stall at the Farmers' Market. We had ordered some meat from him last time & he was ringing to let me know he'd got the meat. He also added he would appreciate it if we could get there a bit earlier than usual - he knows from experience we don't usually arrive before noon - as he may need to leave earlier than usual himself if the wind got any worse.


We duly arrive nearer 11 o'clock. Stuart, this farmer, is one of the only two have stalls outside. The rest of the stalls are in the church hall. Stuart sells his meat from a trailer. As the wind blew the trailer rocked violently. At times he had to brace himself & hold onto the canvas roof. He was finding the more he sold, the lighter the trailer became, the more the trailer endeavoured to take flight. He was relieved to see us. We collected our lamb as well as buying a bit extra. Now when the balance between the value of sales & the instability of the trailer tilted in favour of the latter,  he felt he could pack up & head home.


After the Farmers' market we went on to the fish shop. There we learnt the ferries to the Isle of Man had all been stopped . We weren't surprised. We had got to the shop by going along the prom & had seen just how rough the sea looked. Great breakers were rolling in. The sea looked like a mass of white-topped greyness tossing in every which direction.


It was a relief to get in away from the storm. It is equally a relief to find the wind seems to have abated a bit this morning. It is still blowing. Certainly, normally I would have said it was a very windy day today, but after the last couple of days it seems quite peaceful. Immediately I can't see any damage but certainly there is plenty of mess to tidy up. Still there's no point in doing anything about that until things fully settle down.

Wednesday 7 December 2011

Wild

It's a wild day. It's also bin day for us. I open the curtain to see the wheelie bin leaning on our car. I go to straighten up the bin & check it's not damaged the car in its collision. No, thank goodness. Then I notice the boxes at the side have lost their lids. One I find wedged between the two boxes. A red lid. That goes on the black box for paper. I look around. The only other lids I can see flying around the road are red lids, so what has happened to the yellow lid that belongs on the green box for glass, plastic bottles, tins etc? No idea. I pick up the red lid that is doing its best to fly over the gate into our back garden & put it between our boxes. I just hope when the binmen have been, & the wind eases, I will be able to find that yellow lid. Otherwise I can see we will be having to use the wrong coloured lid for the green box.

Before now when it has been so windy, we've tried to put bricks or other weights on top of the lids, as some of our neighbours have this time. However, when the boxes are emptied, the binmen still don't put the weights back on so lids fly everywhere. Flying lids & empty boxes can be real road hazards for motorists. 

I'm relieved, with all that wind blowing, to have a curry plopping away. Just hearing it buffeting all the windows makes me feel cold. By this evening I will be well & truly ready for a bit of spice. Especially as we will have to venture out in it to do our supermarket shop, our last big one before Christmas. We also try to avoid those crowds, though obviously we will have to top up with a few more perishable items in the coming weeks.

Even as I write the binmen have come to empty the green boxes. As I hear the van I hastily get out. I spot a yellow lid without a bin which has appeared up the street. I ask the binman if he could fetch the lid as it is too far for me to walk. He kindly does. I note, as predicted, no weights are returned on top of neighbours' empty boxes. I bring the green box in. Now I just hope we've got a red lid still by the time the black box is emptied.

Tuesday 6 December 2011

Getting back to normal

The snow never arrived, though we did hear there was a white out not far away, in Kendal. It looks a brighter day today so hopefully it won't arrive today either.

So far I've done nothing but prepare for dinner today. We're having a goose quiche. This is an adaptation of a recipe I've had for a while. The original recipe is for a turkey quiche, but as it's leftover goose I've got, I'll just swap over the meats. I've done it before & it works well.

Tomorrow we will be doing the big food shop. We haven't had a big shop for weeks. I've only just started to tackle the meat we bought at the last Farmers' Market. Everything was put on hold, or rather in the freezer, until the worst of the cold was over. It's somewhat alarming to realise the next such market is on Thursday & I've not even thought what we want. This will be the last market this year. There won't be another until the end of January so I'd better get my thinking cap on.

All in all it's quite alarming to realise how quickly Christmas will be upon us. It's losing the couple of weeks due to ill-health with this terrible cold. (I'm still coughing & blowing, though I'm over the worst now; the Fox seems virtually back to normal again.) 

We're looking forward to 2012 with hope. 2011 has been a bad year for us, one we'd like to put behind us for good. 

Monday 5 December 2011

Small world

Yesterday we were both shocked by the news of the discovery of a Second World bomb, still live, being found in the Rhine near Koblenz.  Before this year I don't think I'd even heard of Koblenz.

It was one of our stops on our Rhine cruise in September. We didn't observe any bombs sticking out of the water then. It sounds as though the Rhine, low then, must have got even lower. The idea we may have hit the bomb, setting it off, is a little disturbing. It must have been big one to have necessitated evacuating such a large part of the city. Mind you it isn't so long ago a Nazi bomb, still live, was found a couple of streets away from us, just outside a school.  It takes a long time to clear away the aftermath of war, with many innocent lives caught in the middle.

Koblenz
That trip to Germany now seems long away. Instead we are forecast snow for today. It's certainly cold, though warmer than it has been, wet & windy.  Definitely not my image of holiday weather.

Saturday 3 December 2011

On the up

I've finally managed to put in the order for the Geriatrics Corner's Xmas dinner. It's a relief. Before the Pub changed hands a couple of years ago, most of us met several times a week, the only real exception being a couple of refugees from Bolton who came most Friday. These days things aren't the same. Many of our number have died. Ill-health has intervened. New interests have been found. So now it is only on Friday most people turn up, but not always then. Even we have been distracted with hospital visits, funerals & colds. But finally everyone has decided what they want to eat & the order is in. That's a relief for me!

I see this morning it looks as though new neighbours are moving in a couple of houses away. The property has been standing empty for quite a while, so it will be good to have some new occupants. It looks as though it will be a young family from the small size of a gaily coloured bicycle that has emerged from the van, along with various items of furniture. Hopefully they will just about have time to settle in in time for Christmas.

Our colds are progressing the right way. I've even dared to get out a pork joint for dinner, reasonably confident we will manage to cook & eat it. That seems like quite a step forward. Long may it continue.

Friday 2 December 2011

Uncertainty

It's the not knowing that gets to me, the inability to plan. To some extent that is in the nature of life at all times, but usually there are certain levels of reasonable expectancy. Admittedly the levels of uncertainty have increased with disability.  You never can be sure what you will feel up to doing at a particular hour, let alone on a particular day, but I am always confident if I overdo things, the Fox will come to the rescue.

Normally I know the day before going to bed what I'm going to cook the next day. Any meat etc I will need from the freezer I get out the night before so it is thawed, ready for me to prepare in the morning.

At the moment I go to bed still unsure, my mind in a whirl of possibles. I'm reasonably confident my own cold is stable, only likely to slowly vanish from my life. My only problem would be if I manage to catch another one, eg from the Fox. The Fox's cold, though, is a different matter. It is impossible to tell how bad he is really feeling, how much of a good face he's putting on to ease my worries. Is he going to be better or worse next day?

So it is this morning I've hastily got out some cooked turkey & leftover stuffing out of the freezer in order to make some croquettes. I'm just hoping that, before my energies start to flag nearer midday as they do even at the best of times, they thaw out quickly enough for me to still feel up to combining, shaping & breadcrumbing them ready for frying up this evening . Fingers crossed. Meanwhile I have peeled the spuds & sprouts. We'll have some fresh veg at least.

I'm just longing to get to normality where the levels of uncertainly are kept within more reasonable parameters, when I can plan once more.

Thursday 1 December 2011

Second fox down

AS feared the Fox is succumbing. Coughs & splutters are to be heard wherever he goes. I feared it was only a matter of time. 

At least we did manage a quick shop yesterday. We once more have tissues in ready for the next onslaught (or is it this continuing onslaught?). 

Tomorrow one of us will have to venture out to get to the surgery to collect some medication for us both. But that is tomorrow.

Meanwhile today I suspect will be a quiet day, back on convenience foods since we've re-stocked. 

There seems no ends of colds. It's a bore!

Wednesday 30 November 2011

A venture out

For the first time since last Thursday, I ventured out, away from these premises. That's not to say I'm entirely well but I'm at the stage where a little activity will do no harm, & a change of scene is a boost to the morale.

We pop along to the Pub. PD is as pleased as can be. He doesn't venture out socially without family or us to hold his hand - metaphorically rather than literally - such is the effect of depression on him. The barman greets me with a cheery smile & asks if I'm better. I assure him I'm definitely on the mend.

Later Mr P turns up. He,too, is pleased to see me once more in the group. His query about my health is much more querulous & dubious. I don't think he can quite believe that this is me a lot better after nearly a week of illness. By this time I'm coughing & blowing fairly frequently. I assure him I am a lot better even if I am only at the stage most people get to at the peak of their colds. The Fox & I exchange glances & think if he thinks this is bad he should have seen me on Saturday.

Still the all important thing is I'm on the mend. The only worrying thing is the Fox is now coughing & blowing a bit, with a sore throat & cotton-wool filled head. I'm just hoping he isn't going down with it.

It was great to get out though. During my quarantine, the street scenes have changed. Many houses have put up their Christmas decorations. I suppose it is Advent now, but I feel December is quite early enough for such decoration, even for the shops. I expect many more lights & trees will be going up this weekend. We will not put ours up until nearer the date itself. I feel Christmas Eve is early enough, but the Fox does like to see the tree up a bit earlier than that. It helps him feel in more festive mood.

This afternoon, if we're both up to it, we're hoping to get to the supermarket. We seem to be running out of so many essentials, things like bread & cooking oil. Ready meals, too, are low. It really doesn't seem worth the effort of cooking much if one of us isn't up to tasting the result. It was wonderful to have that Normandy Pork last night - proper home cooked food. Nonetheless, while the germs hover around, it is reassuring to have something quick & easy to do. The Fox may well sink. I may well relapse once again. Either way it is useful to have something in that requires minimum effort.

Tuesday 29 November 2011

Still getting there

Yesterday was my one step back, but today I've made two steps forward & am feeling more like myself than I have for what seems like ages. I'm even contemplating having a go at cooking, or at least supervising the cooking of, the Normandy pork I'd planned for last Friday. I'm confident my taste buds will be tasting, my mind will be sufficiently unfogged to think. I'm still blowing but not near as bad.

It's the first time Angie, our cleaner, has been when I've had a cold. Usually I sit & chat to her as she cleans, but yesterday I retreated back into the lounge as she moved on to the bathroom. Soon she came running in, alarmed. "Are you okay?" she queried. I had coughed, that is all. But when down with cold, my coughs rack my whole body & she'd thought I was my gasping my last.

As she left she thought I should have a bit of a lie down, which I admit I felt about ready to do. No such luck. I'd just got as far as removing my knee braces, reclining my chair into a comfortable position, snuggling down into a quilt I've had out for the last few days for just such a purpose, when the doorbell went - a local charity trying to enlist subscriptions. This was an irritating  waste of time since we regularly support that particular charity anyway, if they had but checked their books in the first place. 

I returned to my chair, got comfy again, when the doorbell went a second time. This time it was a wine delivery. By the time that was taken in, I felt it was time to abandon the whole effort of a lie down.

Still, today, I've got up feeling well enough to put away the quilt, until the next time I'm down with a cold. Hopefully that won't be this year at least. Now I'm looking forward to a slow, but steady, improvement & getting back to normality once more.

Sunday 27 November 2011

On the mend

It is with some relief, I'm glad to say, I'm once more re-surfacing. Last night I actually managed to sleep most of the time. Friday night had been spent more awake than sleeping, coughing so hard tears came to my eyes & blowing my nose so much the best part of a box of tissues went just during the night. I'd also alternated between freezing despite a sheet, two blankets, a quilted bedspread & a quilt on top of me - usually a sheet & one blanket suffice for me - and running with sweat. I'm still pretty blocked but at least things are easing. I'm also pleased to see a bit of rosiness returning to my cheeks today. It will be another quiet day for me today but at least I've turned the corner.

Meanwhile the Fox is feeling heavy, though it doesn't seem to be turning into a full blown cold. He's been busy trying make sure I'm well fed & watered. I wouldn't be too surprised, though, if the roles are reversed as the week goes on & I recover & he lets go & sinks into the cold.

Friday 25 November 2011

Struck once more

I've gone down with yet another cold. I'm not going to stay long. Just peeling some potatoes for today's dinner has just about exhausted me. And people seem to think colds are nothing. They've clearly not had the full-blown version I usually get. I'm feeling ready for another lie-down between nose-blowing & coughing. And I've only been up less than two hours!

Thursday 24 November 2011

Food matters

And so we finish off the tin of salmon. This time with a Salmon Vol-au-Vent. The fishcakes were as delicious as we remembered. We were both transported back to the heady days when we were newlyweds. At the time our family all said we wouldn't last, a year at most. Maybe that's why we've never taken our marriage & each other for granted. We've always seen it as precious. That's not to say we haven't had our problems, but we've always felt it was worth the effort to tackle those problems together.

When we opened the large tin of salmon, the Fox had hesitated, thinking we would end up wasting some of it, or getting bored before we finished it. Now he has enjoyed it all so much he is eager to open another tin & have yet more fishcakes.

Instead he is going to have a go today at roasting some gammon in Big Ears, our slow cooker. He's not tried roasting in it before. It seems strange to not have to add liquid. We're curious to see what the result is. In theory it should work. After all a conventional oven essentially cooks with the circulation of warm air around it, & the meat remains moist. The only real difference is that the meat is on a warm surface below. The heat, however, is very low so the meat shouldn't stick on. We'll see.

Meanwhile we're off to the Farmers' Market today to see if we can get some flavoursome meat. I'm particularly hoping to get some salt marsh lamb, some rare breed pork & a pheasant or two. That will be our meat purchase until next month's market.

Wednesday 23 November 2011

A little night shepherding

It's dark. We come home. We turn into the drive. Suddenly the Fox slams on the brakes.

"What's that?" he asks.

I peer out of the window to see what he's pointing at. At first I think it's just a leaf. Then I realise it's far too thick for a leaf. It's a frog!

We sit there. It sits there. Eventually I conclude the only thing is to get out of the car & move the frog, otherwise it will be one squashed frog.

I make sure I'm wall-side of the frog & move close. It takes one hop. I move closer. So it is, one hop at a time, we move across the drive to the front garden. By now my back is to the drive ready to stop the frog changing his mind & hopping back the way he came. The Fox hastily drives in & parks.

He can't help laughing. The sight of me bending over, trying to shepherd the frog out of the way has apparently been quite a sight. He isn't sure which of us, the frog or I, is the slower moving. He suspects 'tis I.

We say our goodnights to the frog & retreat into the warmth of our home. The security light stays on as the frog continues his night hunt in the front garden.

Tuesday 22 November 2011

Anticipation

I'm looking forward to dinner today. I've been looking forward to it since Sunday, when the idea for it first popped into my head.

On Sunday the Fox decided to cook us a salmon kedgeree for dinner. We only had a large 400g+ tin so he used half & put the rest in the fridge for later in the week.

My mind whirled back in time to when we were first married 36 years ago. It landed on a recipe for Salmon Fishcakes . I've always kept successful recipes from tins, magazines, leaflets etc & handwritten them in a book or file. The first such recipe I wrote down is this one for Salmon Fishcakes. We had it often in those early years of gaining some sort of culinary expertise.


And what is so special about this recipe that makes it so memorable? Apart from the memories already mentioned, it is the tomato sauce. This recipe I suspect came off the back of a Campbell's condensed tomato soup tin. Some soup, undiluted, goes in the fishcakes. Some soup, diluted with water, is served as a tomato sauce. The result is delicious.

I've made up the fishcakes. All breadcrumbed they're sitting in the fridge ready for frying up tonight.  Yum.


But first, before dinner, I'm off to the surgery. Blood pressure time. As I've already said I will be surprised if my blood pressure has gone down. After the trauma of Jean's death & its consequences, I feel very tense, stressed, pain-filled & tired. Some of the tension eased a bit yesterday when PD & Dick Gobble, Jean's husband, met & spoke to each other for the first time since that traumatic morning when Dick went round to PD's to tell him Jean had died & to convey her last wishes. Needless to say,  the encounter was full of  tension but, at least, that first meeting is over. Hopefully now things can only get easier..

 

Saturday 19 November 2011

May harmony return

The funeral is over. It was a good service. Reasonably short. As usual the hymns were played far too slow, almost designed to bring a gulp to the throat.

We had difficulty though. Having spent a week mediating between one distressed friend, PD, and another grieving & distressed friend, Dick, it was difficult not to feel a bit hypocritical praying for, and thinking, about someone for whom love was a central theme of her life.  And yet that is the Jean I remember, not the vindictive cruel woman at the end.
 
I'm coming to the conclusion that the effect of the pain, & the strong drugs she was on in the end, must have warped her mind. She must have been brooding on some slight, getting it out of all proportion. I certainly can not imagine she wanted to cause as much pain as she has for her beloved husband Dick.
 
Now I can just hope things will settle down and peace be restored. Hurts will have time to heal. Certainly PD & the other couple banned have both sent messages of goodwill to Dick so they must both have got to the stage of realising Dick felt he had no other option but to obey his wife's last wishes & was hurting even more than his friends. We'll see. 

Meanwhile we're having a weekend off from the stress of it all. I'm celebrating with some beef plopping away in some stout ready to fill a pie for this evening. 

Our spirits lifted when we got home from the funeral to see Dave, our neighbour, returning from a short walk with his wife. Clearly he, at least, is out of immediate danger & safely home again. My cousin Ann, too, is sounding much more herself after her operation to remove her kidney. 

Hopefully things are on the up again. About time too.

Thursday 17 November 2011

Less is more

We finished off the tin of tuna for dinner last night. The Fox made a Tuna Macaroni cheese.

It's strange. We had just a quarter of the tin of tuna in the flan I made on Monday. It had seemed so deliciously fishy. This time we had three quarters of the tin & yet the dominate taste was the chopped hard boiled eggs & the creamy sauce. The fish was just a delicate background taste, almost a sort of seasoning. And yet there was so much more tuna in the meal. How come?

Sometimes I think with cooking, as in so many other spheres, less is more. It doesn't seem to make logical sense but that's the way it works. Maybe it's just that certain combinations of flavours enhance one another, others neutralise each other. 

Whatever the reason this is definitely a case of less is more.

Wednesday 16 November 2011

Increasing pain

I'm aware the aches are growing. The Fox asks what I've been doing to overdo it so much. Nothing much. It's just tension. I feel very unrelaxed at the moment. When I'm tense all the muscles in my legs tense up with the result my knees hurt even more than usual.

It's hard work with PD at the moment. Admittedly he did seem a lot more like himself yesterday. That is until the news of the funeral arrangements for Jean arrived. PD's due to see his Community Psychiatric Nurse tomorrow. Hopefully that will help. 

As we were at the Pub others we hadn't seen for a while turned up. They were amazed by PD's weight loss. Somehow that bit of good news seems long ago, as does the Fox's hospital visit. It's difficult to remember both events were only last week. Life seemed so much cheerier then.

The funeral is on Friday. Hopefully once it is over some of the tensions will ease.

Meanwhile, this morning, after a deep breath, I give Dick a ring to see how he was doing. The family seem to be working on a shift system to ensure he's not alone for too long. One member or another is staying overnight, looking after him, helping him any way they can. None of them live in Lancashire - there's a lot of trans Pennine travelling at the moment - but they are determined to support him. 

He's still shuddering at the memory of that worst of all jobs, going around to tell PD & Lin, along with the others who are excluded from the funeral. He reckons it's one of the hardest things he's ever had to do in his life. I can well believe it. All I can do is assure him that he'd had to do his best for his wife. Those were her expressed wishes & he had fulfilled them. PD is hurt but he does understand Dick's position. I suspect that will be the same for the others. I will be glad when it all settles down.

Now I've just realised I'm due for my second blood pressure reading next week. It was too high last time. I suspect it will be even higher this time. My pain-filled knees are telling me that.

Tuesday 15 November 2011

Hard work

We got to the Pub. PD was still subdued, clearly still stinging by being told he & his wife were not welcome at Jean's funeral. 

The landlord greets us & instantly asks if we've seen Dick & know the details about the funeral arrangements. He knows we're all friends. 

PD is hard-pushed to say anything in his distress, but wanting to keep up appearances &  understandably wanting to keep some privacy on what has happened. 

As the afternoon goes on, PD's spirits lift a bit, then dip a bit, as yet more people ask or mention Dick & Jean. For once the Fox & I regret the crossword is virtually complete. It usually distracts PD from his inner thoughts & gives him something else to think on. It's hard work trying to reach PD when he is so withdrawn in his personal world. Nonetheless, by the time we get PD back to his home, he seems a bit cheerier, a bit less bitter. His biggest problem is that  although he's had people say unpleasant things to him before, he's always been able to answer back, but, as he says, it's difficult to answer back to a corpse. 

I only hope now the worst is over & he will stop brooding & get back to living, & hopefully that will include still regarding Dick as a friend. I think there's a chance. I hope so.

Monday 14 November 2011

An old favourite

The sky is blue & clear. I contemplate putting my washing out. If it was the summer I would undoubtedly do so, but now it is so cold the washing wouldn't dry much anyhow. I leave it on the racks in the laundry room.

Today we're having an old favourite for dinner. Something I've not made for a while. I'm not quite sure why. So it's a Tuna Flan today. We'll finish off the tin later in the week with, I suspect, something like Tuna Macaroni Cheese.

At the moment my home-made pastry is thawing, ready to be rolled & blind baked, ready for filling when we get home later today. We'll certainly be doing some food shopping today. We're just about out of milk, yet again. We'll probably go on to the Pub afterwards. We'll see.

But first it's a flan case to make & a visit by Angie to spruce up the house.

Sunday 13 November 2011

Yet more

And so it goes on.

After I wrote my blog yesterday, I spent a fair amount of time on the phone.

I rang my long-time friend, Ellie, at Arnside. She's had cancer for a while now. They had thought she was clear when it re-emerged. She is not responding well to treatment.

Then I rang my cousin Ann. She had come out of hospital that morning. It is indeed cancer. She has had one kidney removed. Unfortunately the cancer has already spread. Although the removal of the kidney has taken away the majority of the  tumour, some still remains in other organs. As soon as she has recovered fully from this op, she will be starting on chemotherapy. 

I then rang my cousin Trudy. Her cataract op has gone well, but life has become in some ways even more frustrating. Until both her eyes have been done, she will not be tested for new glasses. As a result, although her distance sight has improved considerably, her short vision has got worse so she still can't see to read. The second op will probably not be done until next year now. We're resolved next time we talk it will be with some more positive news. 

Although neither Trudy's health or ours is brilliant, we've come to the conclusion they are problems that we can cope with. On the whole we feel amazingly healthy compared to so many around us. We can but pray & hope for Ann, &, in our case, for Ellie, our friend in Arnside.

Saturday 12 November 2011

Mixed news

Two pieces of news have happened since last I wrote, one good, one bad. I'll tell them in chronological order. As you may already have guessed, my mood is rather flat.

First, the Fox has finally got the results of his MRI scan. It seems they are nothing to worry about. He's got some hearing loss, yes. The tinnitus is likely to last as long as it lasts. There's no way of predicting how it will go. He may one day wake up & find it's gone; it may get worse. However, the important thing is there is no underlying serious cause. He's just like so many people, wearing out a bit early. Personally I'm beginning to think that is what growing older is about. I just hope the essential parts keep going longer than other parts. Now we await a further appointment at the hospital. They feel he may appreciate some counselling, learning some techniques to cope better with the tinnitus & an opportunity to answer any further questions he may have by then.

The not so good news has just happened, hence my subdued tone. Jean, Dick Swallow's wife, died peacefully in her sleep last night. She kept going long enough for her son to get over to have a last word with her. The worst of it is she's left a written note of wishes which Dick feels he must abide by. In this she has banned certain people from attending her funeral as she felt they'd had not given her sufficient support in the last year of her life. These include PD & Lin. PD was almost in tears as he told me. I hastily rang Dick to check if we were banned. We, it seems, are most welcome. In fact it is positively  hoped we will attend. I just hope our attendance doesn't cause ill-feeling with PD & Lin. Meanwhile Dick is also feeling bad as he regards both PD & Lin as good friends of his & doesn't want Jean's wishes to spoil that friendship. I can see we are delicate ground here.
 

Thursday 10 November 2011

Plop

We're home. It's dark. We've been food shopping.

I get my feet out of the car. 

Plop.

I'm startled. 

What's this? 

I look again.

Plop. 

It's a frog, leisurely hopping across the drive.

I very carefully get out of the car, avoiding stepping on him, into the safety of our warm home.

Wednesday 9 November 2011

Good news at last

There is jubilation in the Pub.

PD went to the hospital yesterday. For the first time in a long while he has had positive news. He's lost a good stone in the last 3 months, two & a half inches off around his neck. Now he's been set the challenge of losing a further stone in the next 6 months. They're allowing him a longer period so he can indulge a bit over Christmas.

And how's this been achieved? Partially it's that he's learnt to love vegetables & fruit. Personally we can't cope without regularly vegetables. We still shudder when we remember a weekend break we had on the banks of Ullswater, when we had one mushroom each for the whole weekend.

He's also been doing a lot more exercise. The last month or so he's been doing a couple of gym sessions a week under medical supervision. All the sweat & aches are paying off.

His relief is palpable. He had begun to suspect he may have lost weight lost month. It was his birthday & he was thrilled to find some of the clothes the family had bought him as presents were too big. Now it's been confirmed.

We have been saying for a while he seems to be standing better, moving easier, less breathless than he was.


Now all has been confirmed at the hospital. And he's jubilant. He went off to the gym after the hospital & before the Pub with a will & full of determination. Long may it continue.


Now we wait to see if the Fox can get as positive a result when he goes to the hospital on Friday for the results of his MRI scan on his hearing.
 

Tuesday 8 November 2011

Traditional British

I had been intending to venture out on the Mean Machine, my electric scooter, today. I was hoping to buy some fish. However, it's back to grey & damp here & my scooter doesn't appreciate such weather conditions. I'm having a re-think about what to cook. 

Instead, I'm getting some steak out of the freezer. I am somewhat bemused by these steaks. They are called "traditional British" steaks. Since when have "bullet steaks" been traditional British cuts? The recipe calls for  traditional "bullet steaks", "Denver steaks" or "flat-iron" steaks. To me none of these  cuts are traditional British. Sirloin, rump, fillet, rib-eye, braising yes, bullet no.

Before I bought them I asked our usual friendly farmer at the Farmers' market if he'd  heard of any of these cuts. He looked blankly back at me.

I then searched the net. As far as I can tell they may be traditional US cuts, but not British. Here such cuts seem to come under the catch-all label of "frying" steak.

Still, whatever variety of cut they are, we're going to try bullet steaks this evening. I'm going to put them briefly in a spicy oily marinade before frying them off. 

We're not, on the whole, great steak eaters. Hopefully the marinade mix, which doubles up as a dressing for the fried steaks, will give the meat a bit extra interest for our taste buds. We'll see.

But as far as I can see the only traditional British thing about today will be the weather. I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. At least the temperature has risen above freezing point. 

Monday 7 November 2011

Winter

Winter's arrived. As the whizzes, flashes & bangs arrived on Saturday so did the temperatures drop. The last couple of nights have been around -7. Even the day yesterday didn't manage to rise much above zero. I suspect it will be the same today. The sky is bright blue & clear. Everything outside, gardens & roofs, are crusted with white. All very pretty but cold.

I'm in the midst of cooking up some marrowfat peas for a pea & bacon soup. The idea of a bowlful of piping hot soup when we get in this evening sounds just the ticket.We'll stop on the way back to get some bread.


Where are we going? To the Pub, of course. I'm expecting a call from PD later this morning to see if we're out to play & would we pick him up.


My aches continue though I did manage more comfortably in bed last night so maybe that's a sign I'm on the mend. Meanwhile the Fox continues to drag his leg. He's beginning to think it's the weather. Since his stroke he's always found it seems worse when it is cold or damp. If this is the cause, I can see we're in for a long winter. We may have to think of a holiday in the sun before the winter is out. We'll see. We've no plans at the moment.

Saturday 5 November 2011

A change of plans

We were supposed to be going over to see Mr P's new restaurant this afternoon. It's not officially open today, but he wants to go over to do a few things by way of preparation & wants us to see the place at least, even if we can't get there to dine. I've just sent him a text cancelling. 

Last night the Fox came to bed hobbling. It's his bad leg playing up again. He was dragging it badly. Clearly he could do with a quiet weekend. I've noticed since his stroke, if he's under pressure his leg seems to play up more. We've certainly had enough stress of one sort or another this couple of weeks.

On top of that I seem to have pulled a muscle in my back badly. It seems to happen from time to time. I have seen the doctor about it a couple of times to be told it's just muscular, a reflection of being a wheelchair user. I have to admit there are times I'm aware I tend to sag a bit, usually to one side. The effort of sitting up straighter usually eases the problem, but only after a while.

Oh the creaks of old age!

So this morning I've hastily got out some meat for dinner. I had been thinking after seeing the restaurant Mr P might have fancied extending the visit elsewhere so I might not have felt up to cooking. Now I'm definitely cooking, or at least trying, assuming my back eases sufficiently.

I'm proposing to do a Lancashire hotpot. After three days of turkey, lamb should be a pleasing change. Not that the turkey was that bad. We were very pleasantly surprised by how much we enjoyed the Day 3 meal. Having sat in the fridge for nearly 48 hours, the flavours of the stew had rounded out. The extra cooking, while re-heating it, had softened the turkey yet more. The Fox had done a good job in Big Ears, the slow cooker. I wonder what culinary adventure he's planning for next week.

Friday 4 November 2011

Guilty says the conscience

Mid-afternoon it dawns upon us it is nearly time for the Bat's funeral. We feel a bit guilty about not going. But it's not as though we knew him that well. We knew of him through mutual friends, met him a few times but not really sufficiently to regard him as our friend. We would have gone to support PD but Lin, his wife, had managed to rearrange the looking after the grandchildren so she could go to the funeral as well. 

We don't like to think of the Bat's passing being unnoticed. There's something particularly grim about funerals where only a couple of people turn up, but in this case we knew a fair number were intending to go. After the service refreshments were going to be put on at the Pub & they had been asked to cater for 40-50. So we didn't go, just thought about the living Bat.

We're equally feeling a bit guilty about not going to my cousin's funeral, which is happening today. After all, she was family even if I can't remember ever even meeting her. When I spoke to my cousin Ann at the weekend & said as much, she pointed out this particular cousin was at my cousin Bridget's wedding. I had to point out I wasn't at Bridget's wedding. I saw Bridget when she was about 1, the summer of 1972, just before I went off to university. The next time I saw Bridget was at Ann's father's funeral in 2000 when Bridget was already married & the mother of one child.

We've also dismissed this funeral as we feel it's more important for the Fox to keep up his strength for such a long drive as the one to Stoke. We're half-expecting to feel the need to go down to see Ann if she does need support & encouragement if she does indeed have cancer. Or for that matter if her husband needs help through this spell. So we're staying put.

On a more cheerful note, I can't help noticing we don't seem to have had many fireworks going off this year. Is this a sign of the continuing recession & the lack of money to burn? Or is it simply the fact that, for once, Bonfire Night is coming at the weekend so everyone is intending to celebrate it on the day? So often of late it has come midweek, when children are at school, with the result so people have celebrated the week before, others the week after. The fact fireworks keep going off encourages children to want to have them all week long. I suspect it may be the former as our local Morrisons hasn't had such a big display of fireworks for sale this year, & I've certainly not seen queues of prospective buyers lining up to purchase. I wonder which it is. I'm just grateful for the peace & quiet, though I did enjoy one display earlier in the week - some very pretty colours.