The Fox's birthday

It's the Fox's birthday today. And I can't help rejoicing in the fact he is able to celebrate it. There was a time earlier in the month I wasn't so sure. The stroke could so easily have changed things irredemiably. Instead he's well on the mend. Still a bit tired. And maybe in the future he will have to take things a bit easier, but essentially he's the same Fox, & fit enough to appreciate life.

At the moment, I've got a meatball curry on the plop.  It's a birthday treat by special request. We haven't had much spice this week.


Later this morning we're off to the Farmers' Market to get our month's meat supplies. The Fox had been thinking about going on out afterwards, to a garden centre maybe, but now the time has come, the idea of our usual Farmers' Market day lunchtime treat of a jacket potato at our local pub, then home for a bit of an afternoon nap appeals more.

Our friends, Fran & Den turned up yeasterday with a card & a bottle as they knew we weren't intending to go to the Pub today or tomorrow (yet another Bank Holiday). PD is quite upset about the latter & we're beginning to think maybe we will get there on Friday, despite our aversion to the crowds that usually appear on a Bank Holiday. We're telling ourselves that if the sun continues as it has been, most visitors will be outside in the garden so it shouldn't be too bad. 

But today is the Fox's day to do as he wishes, to be treated & spoilt a bit. Happy Birthday Fox!

Shattered

It struck me at the Pub. I am absolutely shattered.

As usual we settled down to the crossword. Usually I find it fairly easy, hence the fact I read the questions out - the others want a chance to get an answer in. I suddenly realise I don't know the answer. Is today a particularly difficult crossword or am I not thinking straight?


We leave the Pub an hour or so later. We have to stop at Morrisons on the way back for some shopping. By now my concentration has well & truly gone. The Fox tells me what is on the list. I have to ask him to repeat it before it sinks in my head. I'm looking for bread. I just can't get the idea in my head. So the shopping continues.

By the time we're home I've given up the idea of cooking. I hastily put in the fridge the sausages & puff pastry I'd got out to thaw for last night's dinner. That will have to wait until today. Instead, fortunately, we have the one last microwaveable meal in the freezer & the Fox hastily does that. I eat, then off to bed. It's not long after 7.30pm. I do not re-emerge, except for a quick loo trip, until over twelve hours later. Even now I'm still feeling heavy.

What has caused all this exhaustion? As I said last time Monday was a busy morning. Then, yesterday I did the ironing, in time for Al to arrive to cut the lawn. I had a pop out to discuss the garden with him. All tiring work.


We had been out for the meal on Monday. A mixed blessing. The Fox enjoyed being able to drive again - he feels life is getting more back to normal.  

The meal had been anxious at first. Only one other person had arrived when we got there. After some wondering, & attempting to ring to find out where the others were, after half an hour we decided to go ahead & eat. We feared Den may have had another stroke, or even a heart attack (he has angina). Or they'd all been involved in a car accident en route to the restaurant. The rest finally arrived three quarters of an hour late. Mrs B was in a foul mood, biting at everyone around. We suspect waiting around so long to be picked up had caused this. She's not one for being late. 

The food was okay at best. The lemon meringue pie some people had was disgusting - pure acid & granular, with no sign of meringue. Not the best meal ever. 

With having to wait for the others to have their starters so we could all eat our main courses together, it meant it was later than usual by the time we were finished so it was late back for us.

Back home the Fox & I opened some wine, & listened to Ella singing the Cole Porter songbook, just to help us unwind. I was too tense to have slept immediately. As a result it was late to bed. Perhaps this contributed to the sense of exhaustion.


Maybe it is partially that I'm back on the pills I take in the middle of the night so I'm having even more disturbed sleep than usual. Normally if I wake in the night, I turn over & try to doze off again. At the moment  have to check the time (I can't take the pill until after 2 hours since I last ate or drank anything other than water), sit bolt upright, locate the pill & the glass, take the pill, drink a full glass of water before I can lie down again to try to go to sleep once more. By then I'm usually well & truly awake. What is more I usually end up having to wake up again later on to go to the loo to dispose of some of that liquid.


I suppose, too, it is the fact I've been doing more since the Fox has been incapacitated. Although I don't resent this, & feel it is inevitable, I am relieved the Fox is now getting more like himself & I can take it easier. If nothing else I don't feel I need to worry so much now. He is doing so much better. He's managing to do a few chores - helping with the cooking & shopping. He even power-hosed the yard on Sunday! That shattered him, but at least he did manage it.


I think yesterday I finally let go, the first time really since before we got back from Cyprus, & that hadn't been an entirely relaxing break. The adrenalin stopped pumping & I collapsed in a pile of shatterdness. Time to take it easier again & not keep pushing myself.


So today nothing is planned, except a trip to the surgery as the Fox has his blood pressure & blood sample taken, to make sure there's no bad side effects to his new medication. If it's okay they're hoping to increase the dosage. We'll see.


Oh, & I'm hoping to make the tomato & basil tarte tatin to accompany the grilled pork & black pudding sausages, that we were gong to have yesterday.

Driving again

The washing is once more out on the line. I'm once more waiting for Angie, our cleaner, to arrive. I suspect it's going to be another tiring  morning. But that doesn't worry me.

This evening we're off for a meal with the gang. We're going to the restaurant we visited last Christmas. We hope this meal is going to be as good.

I'm not sure if the Fox isn't more excited by the prospect of being able to drive again than by the meal. The four week ban finished over the weekend. We've not ventured out so far. Nothing would induce us out into the Bank Holiday traffic, especially when it's been such a sunny Bank Holiday. But tonight we're going out & he can drive once more. And I can enjoy the scenery passing by once more.

With this in mind I'm half-thinking I might get an afternoon nap, a bit of a zizz to revitalise to cope with an evening out. It's amazing how tiring being charming can be at times, so an extra bit of energy wouldn't come amiss.

Ways of seeing

I went to church by radio today. The sermon was about ways of seeing. The preacher reminded us of that phase for books with pictures of dots, which somehow you looked and could suddenly see pictures within them. There would be animals, flowers etc. They never worked for me, any more than it did for this preacher. I always wondered whether it was because I only look with one eye at a time, so don't really see in 3D.

I often think we perceive the world in different ways, interpret it in the light of our own experience & prejudices. While I see kindness, others see self-interest. While I live in a world of potential friends, others live in a world of potential enemies.

Our blackbirds are continuing their kung-fu practice in the garden, on the shed roof. We're amazed they don't seriously hurt one another.

Yesterday the Fox managed to walk to the Post Office, there & back, without too much adverse effect. Slowly his stamina & leg strength is returning. Gently does it, but I am relieved to see things are still improving.

I got the results of my blood tests. Much to my surprise, they've decided I can continue without extra medication. That's one less thing to worry about. Next week it's the Fox's turn to go for a blood pressure reading & blood test, to check his new medication is having no adverse effects. Hopefully his results will be as good as mine.

Out in the garden

It must have rained in the night. The ground is looking damp. It's certainly freshen up the day. It has been becoming very warm & heavy, not entirely pleasant, so it's good to have something fresher.

I actually got out in the garden for a bit yesterday. The astilbe suddenly looks better for the loss of all that dead brown growth of last year. The St John's wort has also had a prune. A few weeds have come out from around the pinks.

The bog garden, too, has been tidied up. The bark mulch is once more on the bed rather than on the paved patio area where it has floated off to during the wet winter months. The dead sunflower from last year has gone. The hydrangea had a prune.

The globe flowers have become covered with golden balls, a splash of colour for the spring. Last year we didn't really see them. They were in bud before we went off to France for our May holiday. By the time we were back the odd petal was all that remained. The rest had blown or washed off. 

Bank holidays, in a tourist area like this, are very conducive to getting on top of the garden. Anywhere you might normally go - shops, pubs, a stroll along the prom or to the park - are just so inundated with people. It is so much more pleasant to do those things when there are less people around. No, it's time to batten down the hatches & get on top of chores around home. 

Torn

Our postal vote papers have arrived. As usual I look at the list of local candidates & see if I know anything about any of them. I always feel these local elections are rather arbitrary in that the candidates rarely send any material to read  on their policies, & even rarer do they turn up to canvass. 

Where I'm really torn, though, is on the question of AV. The present method has the value of simplicity, cheapness & speed of outcome. However, I am aware how often the proportion of the vote against a candidate is often higher than the proportion for that candidate. I feel the need for change.

However, I'm not sure this is the change that is needed. Therein lies my dilemma. Do I vote to stick with the old simple system? Or should I vote for the proposed system as it's the only alternative on offer? 

Neither campaign seems to be making much noise, nothing that really gets over the advantages of either system. Today, on the "Today" programme it seemed to be a debate between AV & an alternative system based on the French system which we aren't even being offered.

As for the leaflet that came through for the No campaign, that seemed more of a personal attack on Clegg rather than on the idea of AV. When it comes to pointing out the extra costs involved, I end up thinking surely if that's the price of better democracy it must be worth the price.

I'm dithering again. And I hate dither.

A trip along the prom

I've just come back from on a trip on the Mean Machine, down the prom to the fish shop. On the way I ground to a halt when I looked down at my feet & noticed blood between my toes. A quick inspection soon established the blood was dry so presumably no cause for alarm. I continued on, being passed by cyclists & runners.

By the time I was coming back the day was warming up. Now young children were out in their swimwear, playing in the fountains along the prom. They happily skipped through the water, trying to guess whether the water would be a low jet they could jump over or a high one to douse them. 

On I went past that city gent in his pin-striped suit, a pied wagtail, hopping along the boulders, his tail appropriately wagging behind.

Then I came to an elderly couple. They'd had to stop to take their thick woollen coats off. It may still only be April but this was just too hot for such garb.

Once home, having put the fish away, I had a quick wash of my foot. I can see no obvious cause for the dried blood. Certainly nothing more seems to be gushing forth. Just one of life's little mysteries!

Cooling

The filling is cooling. I'm in the midst of making a chicken & mushroom pie for this evening. Once it's cold I'll encase it in some pastry, ready to be put in the oven this evening. The Fox is going to make some mash to accompany it.

Outside I observe the pinkish blossom on the apple tree is starting to come out. I'm quite surprised by just how much more pink the flowers are compared to those on the cherry & pear trees. I suppose it is just that the underside of the flower tends to be pink but once the flower is open you only really see the white inside. So far it looks as though 2011 is going to be a bumper pear year. The blossom is setting well in this spell of wind-free, rain-free, weather.

I keep thinking I'm going to have time to get out in the garden but so far this spring has been far too tiring for me to have the spare energy to tackle that. I see mare's tail is once more spreading under the fence from our neighbours' garden. I've yet to tidy the dead heads from last year's astilbe blooming. There's already plenty of new green growth. I usually leave the dead stalks partially because even their brown stalks give a little textural interest to the winter garden & they also seem to be regarded as valuable nesting material for our birds. However, I do usually get them tidied up before the new year's growth has got established. Not so this year. I'm telling myself it won't harm. After all, in the wild, plants wouldn't have someone to tidy around them in this way so they must manage without such tending.

 I did get out one day & tidy the herb garden a bit. Fortunately I did that much before the Fox's stroke. Already it has burgeoned out so much I think I will have to have another thinning exercise.


It was wonderful to get up today feeling a certain coolness. The central heating hadn't come on at full blast. Maybe we've finally got it under control!

A busy few days

I'm feeling weary today. It's been a busy few days.

Sunday was busy with getting to church, then in the afternoon I did the bed changing.

Monday was busy too. This time it was because the sun shone so I put the washing out to dry. 

Then Angie, our cleaner came. We're keeping her on for the moment until the Fox has had chance to recover. At the present he's appreciating not having to worry about the housework, especially when he is running low on energy & limping around. 

While she was here, the blinds man arrived. We've finally got the shower room completed. It seems like it's been a mammoth task, & much of the shine has been taken off by the Fox's stroke. But at least it's now done. We are still wondering if we shouldn't put a shelf or basket in the shower itself to put the shampoo etc in. But that, if we decide upon it, we should be able to do ourselves in our own time.


The afternoon saw us back at the surgery. This time for my sake, in connection with the Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD). It was time for a check on whether the medication I'd been given was having any effect. My blood pressure was good - a minor miracle at the moment with all the stress the stroke has caused. My last blood tests still reckon my cholesterol was too high, so they've taken some more blood & I will hear later this week if I need to be put on statins. The specialist nurse suspects I will.


After that it was a trip to Morrisons for the big shop. We haven't had a big shop since before the Fox had his stroke. It didn't seem worth while stocking up much when the Fox was hardly eating. We just topped up with milk, tea etc & ate from the freezer. But now that he's back to eating properly again, the shelves needed a re-fill. It was a relief to see he managed to hobble around long enough to get it all done. (He reckoned the limping was more due to the fact he'd bashed his knee than the deadness aftereffect of the stroke.)


By the time that was done, we both felt the need for a sit down & relax before thinking about dinner. We briefly stopped at home, to empty the car & put things in the freezer & fridge before they melted. We set off to the village pub. By the time we'd had a glug or two of our drinks, we realised neither of us felt up to cooking. Just too tired, so we had a meal there. It made a change.


This morning has been chaotic once more. So far I've done the ironing - always a relief to get out of the way.


Then the man came to fix the boiler. On Sunday, when the temperature outside was 18+C, the central heating was on inside. The radiators were red hot despite it being outside the times set on the timer. We've had this problem all winter, but were advised that it was a safety device to prevent the boiler freezing. However, now it can't be that, so I got onto them yesterday & the man arrived today.


He's adjusted the thermostat on the boiler. He reckons it was set far too high. What is more he's moved the position a bit. It was affixed to an outside wall inside the laundry room. As a result it was measuring the temperature of the cold wall rather than the ambient temperature of the room. He's now put some insulation between the thermostat & the wall so hopefully we won't have to sweat it out so much with radiators full on when we don't need them.


As I say it's been a busy few days. I'm ready now for a quiet couple fro a change.

Palm Sunday

You can tell it's getting warmer. There is a buzz in the kitchen. A wasp has arrived. I hastily open a window, retreat closing the door behind me.

Yesterday was Palm Sunday. For the first time our church decided to process from the Church Hall to the church itself. I tagged on behind in the Mean Machine, my electric scooter. It was easier doing that than trying to dodge between all those legs. People just don't see scooters & wheelchairs when they're in a crowd - too low down, below eye level.

I can't see me joining such a procession again. I didn't feel going along so slow, with everyone talking about their latest activities, their weekends away, particularly good to focus on the point of the procession or to put me in an appropriate state of mind for the coming service. 

At the church doors something was said. I know not what as I was too far back to hear.

Eventually I got in. By this time I'd missed the notices & the first hymn. Indeed it was halfway through the actual service. 

What is more I'd been too late to be given the paper sheet with the list of events in the coming Holy Week. As the parish magazine for April will not be delivered until mid-July I depend on these paper sheets to know what is happening. 

All in all it was not a very satisfactory service for me.

I confess I'm seriously considering changing churches. The one I go to at present is the nearest, but there are times I feel most unwelcome. Even now, after attending for nearly 11 years, I still end up waiting around outside to ask someone to let me in as they've forgotten to unlock the door accessed by the ramp. It can be a cold wait on a freezing winter's day! Not so bad on a sunny summer one!

The parish magazine is now being delivered three month's worth at a time. As a result I can no longer partake of the service at home by reading the appropriate Bible passages as everyone else. I only hear of special events after they have happened. I no longer feel a part of the community, of the parish.

The new vicar, installed now for over 6 months, has barely spoken a word to me personally. I appreciate she obviously needed to get to know the PCC members first. They're the people she needs to work with to keep the church running. I know I don't get to church every week, but I would have thought, by now, I merited an enquiry as to whether I would appreciate a visit, especially when she said in her mission statement when she became the priest here, that one of her main aims was to stretch out more into the parish, involve people more in the church. Maybe that's the problem. She suspects I'm not likely to get more involved in parish activities due to my physical limitations & assumes I'm already caught for Christ so why waste her energies on me.

So many questions

It's been 3 weeks now. Another week & the Fox will be able to drive again.

Life is still very disrupted. The biggest problem is that we have questions but no one to ask. It will be a relief to go to the hospital in May to hopefully find out the answers.

As I've already said, the Fox is mainly on the mend. His one big remaining difficulty is the excessive tiredness mixed with the dead leg he feels he's dragging along behind him. It's difficult to know whether the leg goes dead because he's tired or he's tired because of the effort of dragging the leg around.

Will his normal stamina return? Is the leg going to get back to normal? Should he exercise it? Or should he be resting it? We need to know the answers.

Yesterday the sun shone. The Fox looked out to see the lawn needs mowing. Al, our gardener still hasn't arrived. The Fox wondered whether to get out the mower & do it himself. But would he be able to complete the job? Would he even be able to cope with just a walk down to the far end of the garden? He tired himself out on Friday with the walk back from the Post Office around the corner, a distance of around a couple of hundred yards. He only had one way to go as I'd dropped him off at the Post Office in the car.

And what of holidays? If he can't walk far he won't be able to push me far either. So what sort of holiday is feasible? A cruise perhaps? A holiday for disabled people where there would be volunteers to push me, maybe both of us around?

Or is all this wondering a waste of time? What the Fox should be doing is resting a bit for now, then exercising gently to re-build the strength in his leg. Or should he be exercising now, before the leg muscles get too weak, & risk upping his blood pressure & bringing on another stroke?

We're full of questions as you can see, but nobody to ask. We've both tried looking on the web but both come to the same answers which are so general as not to be particularly helpful. We're just hoping the specialist at the hospital can help. In the meanwhile try to be patient & keep our fingers crossed.

The one thing we are determined to manage is the trip down to Stoke for my cousin's golden wedding party. A few days away will do us good & I can't believe that should be too exhausting for either of us. And even if it is, it will be worth it for the pleasure of seeing the family again. That isn't until June. Hopefully by then we'll have some answers. Things will be clearer.

Open warfare

We were just settling down to our bacon & egg pie, when there was a great kerfuffle of feathers. We both looked outside. 

There, on the shed roof, a pair of collared doves were fighting.

As that battle ended a more aerial battle began between a couple of male blackbirds.

Eventually that died down in time for a third war to be declared between two smaller birds, once more in mid-air.

What has come over our birds? The need to establish territory & ensure the fidelity of partners is clearly showing.

Meanwhile the Fox finished his pie without difficulty. This is inspiring me to sort out a last-Monday-of-the-month meal. So far there are five takers. I'll see who else is interested before I book the table at the end of the week.

Waddlers

I still can't quite get over how big wood pigeons are. We've always had collared doves resident in our garden, sitting on the apple tree or the trellis. But more recently a wood pigeon has came on the scene. 

This morning I ventured out to the freezer when my eyes were caught by the sight of two fat birds waddling across the lawn on the hunt for something to eat. At first I thought they must be escapee hens from their size. Or maybe ducks from the waddle. But no, they were wood pigeons. We've clearly now gained a second one to make a pair. Maybe before the summer is out, we will have a whole family in the garden.

But it doesn't alter the fact I associate pigeons as being of similar size to the collared doves, or even the fan-tailed doves that lived in a garden of a gite we rented one year, not these fat birds. We have plenty of feral pigeons in the area but they are nowhere near the size of these birds.

I do love their colouring, with the purply-pink on their breasts, that streak of bluey-green on their necks next to the brilliant white patch, & their bluey-grey head. Pretty indeed.

Spring has sprung

I seem to have been rather obsessed with health issues of late. maybe that's not surprising in the circumstances. However, I feel the time has come for a divergence.

Spring has well and truly arrived in our garden. A blue tit family has moved into the nestbox just outside our kitchen window. I say family as now there seems to be a constant to-ing & fro-ing as the tits charge round the side of the building to the seed feeders & back again. I'm assuming that means there is young there. There's the occasional stop for a quick breather in the hedge nearby.

At the front, the herb garden is looking lusciously green. The oregano seems set to spread over everything. I think the time has come for a bit of thinning out. I did take some out last year to give to a friend who's taken up beekeeping - oregano is a real magnet for bees. All this seems to have done is encourage the herb to spread that much faster. I'm obviously going to have to be more ruthless. 

I also cut down the curry plant with the result the southernwood is more noticeable. The bergamot seems to have plenty of foliage this year, as does the salad burnet. I'm pleased to say the tarragon has reappeared, the flavour more intensely aniseedy than ever. The chives are budding up.

In the  back garden the fruit trees are coming into blossom. First was the cherry (I wonder if the birds will let me have any of the fruit this year Suspect not as usual.) On the other side the pear tree is now turning white under the towering damson tree in our next door neighbours' garden. Only the apple needs to bloom now.

We're expecting Al, our gardener, to come some time soon. He's been saying all week he will be coming. It's then rained, or rather drizzled, every day. But the lawn is in definite need of its first cut of the season. I'm not sure how much longer Al will be able to continue working. He's having problems with one of his knees & has been told he will have to have it replaced. He's hoping to last out until the end of the growing season. He had a cortisone injection last week & feels it has helped to reduce the pain.

I've had one venture into the garden. The flowering currant was full of pink.

Apart from that there's been much activity on the trellis as the collared doves get it together.  The blackbirds regularly chase one another around the garden. The magpies have been attacked by the joint forces of the collared doves. The latter suddenly showed a vicious streak. Life goes on.

It's back

It's back. The Fox's appetite seems to have returned. It's the chicken that did it!

On Saturday I roasted the chicken we were going to have on the Saturday of the Fox's stroke. He managed a reasonable portion of meat, even if with fewer veg than usual. Then on Monday we progressed to a, in mind opinion, not to exciting chicken chasseur. Again he managed it all, even the ample quantity of homemade tagliatelle we had with it. Yesterday the Fox made us a chicken hotpot with all the potatoes we normally would have, & some purple sprouting broccoli from the garden & some mushrooms. All went down easy. I'm hoping the same will be the case with the chicken & mushrooms I'm doing for tonight.

It has taken some thought as to what to do with just two chicken thighs (that's all there were in the freezer), but finally I've come up with this Chinese-inspired steamed chicken and mushroom dish.

Personally I put down the success of these meals to the quality of the chicken. We buy them fresh from a butcher near the Pub. They're not sold as free range, but they have all the flavour of the good old-fashioned chickens of our childhood. They clearly must be happy birds if nothing else.

I wonder if this return of appetite will continue tomorrow when I'm intending to move onto minced beef for a change.

With his appetite back, all we need now is for the Fox to regain his energy. He's still tiring easily, & when he gets tired he feels as though he's dragging his left leg along behind him like some sort of a log. Still, all of this is so much better than it could have been, for which I rejoice.

Changed consciousness

We go off to the Pub. The car park is fuller than usual so I had to park some distance from the doorway. We got my wheelchair out & the Fox pushed me in. He admits later that that was almost too much, the long walk as well as the push. He found himself once more dragging his left leg behind a bit.

We soon discovered the reason for all the cars. The mother of some friends had died & this was the remnants of the funeral party.

Once more we were aware of a sense of dislocation. It was the first time we'd seen Paul & Cheryl since we went to Cyprus. They asked how the holiday was & did we like the new bathroom. Somehow it all seemed long ago, even though the bathroom, or should I say shower room, was only finally completed that morning.

No, life seems to be in terms of before & after the stroke. It seems to have had a monumental import on our life. 

It was my birthday on Sunday but we didn't do much. Usually we go out for a meal, but, by the evening, I was too tired to drive anywhere & the Fox's appetite has reduced so much it hardly seems worth the expense of eating out. (I'm glad to say the appetite is improving. He's starting to eat something like a reasonable portion again.) No, life just isn't the same since that day just over a very long fortnight ago.

I suspect though that will apply to Paul & Cheryl. Their life will now be measured in life before & after Paul & Heidi's mother's death.

Sounds of summer

The other day, on "You and Yours" BBC Radio4, they did a feature on the sounds of summer. Since then ideas have floated through my head. What does summer sound like?

My conclusion lies in the sound of ball on bat (cricket) or racquet (tennis), lawnmowers cutting grass, the chimes of ice-cream vans (yes I know these days they seem to tour the streets all year round but in my childhood they only appeared in summer, & even now seem more numerous in summer). I suppose the general sound of the great outdoors impinge on me as windows open to let the noises in of children playing, builders hammering etc. It's as though the  mufflers have been removed.

But above all, the sound I associate with summer is the sound of the blackbird singing his heart out. Such joyous sweet liquidity! Mr Blackbird has been in full song the last few days & I have adored it. Summer is definitely on its way in.

Improving times

I'm coming to the conclusion that this is not my day with the computer. I've had to load it a couple of times. I then had a long fiddle trying to write in something other than black. In the process I've just about forgotten what I was going to say. There are days when the technology & the Vixen don't mix & this is clearly one such day!

The Fox went to see the GP yesterday. He came back with some pills to replace the high aspirin dosage at the weekend. He also returned with a serious of appointments as they want to keep an eye on his blood pressure & take some further blood samples to check the new medication is doing what it's supposed to do.

We were back & had some tea by 11. The Fox was tired so went for a lie down. He didn't re-emerge until after 4pm. I think it is the relief of my hospital trip combined with his visit to the GP. He still isn't fully recovered from his stroke & tires easily, hence the long lie down.

He hasn't fully recovered his appetite either yet, though he did thoroughly enjoy the salmon curry we had yesterday. I've scraped some new potatoes towards today's dinner. I hope that goes as well. He's rather nervous about the weight of spuds, so I've done a few less. It won't harm either of us to eat less & maybe lose a bit of weight. We can always fill up with some cheese afterwards if we need it. I'm just relieved he feels like proper food & not just soup or something on toast.

The sun is out so I've put my washing out to dry. I hope it's going to be a sign of good weather for the summer to come. We could do with a good one, one to quietly sit out in & recover our stength a bit.

Cysts once more

We set off early for Lancaster. For once the roads seem remarkably quiet. As we arrive early, we pop into the WRVS cafe for a drink before popping over to the clinic.

We wait. I'm promptly called through for further mammograms. They give no impression of what the problem is. They just dot my breast & take more pictures. Finally they're satisfied. I return to the Fox in the waiting room.

We wait. And wait. Over an hour later I finally get called through again. This time the Fox comes with me. This is the verdict. But first they need to do some ultrasound scans. Our anxiety grows.

Eventually the doctor gives the verdict - cysts, nothing to worry about. They're benign & will probably disappear on their own.

We leave the hospital, by this time well over two hours after our arrival, relieved & jubilant. 

At last one good bit of news. All that remains is to get through the now - it's end of school time with all those parents collecting their precious cargoes in their cars - horrific traffic. All is safely negotiated & we're home to celebrate.


This is not the first time I've had breast cysts. They're always a cause of anxiety but so far all has gone well. They seem to disappear with my hysterectomy, but clearly they've not entirely gone. At least they've continued to be benign & not the dreaded cancer.

 

Hallelujah

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! There is joy in the Foxes' den.

The Fox has returned. Having spent all last week more or less in bed, resting at least, being very withdrawn, questioning whether he wouldn't have been better off if he'd died in the stroke, having an upset stomach & losing his appetite, the Fox has finally turned the corner. He is much more like himself.

That's not to say he's entirely recovered. He still tires very easily. The circulation in his left side seems to be poor - he has absolutely freezing hands even though the heating is still on. His appetite is slowly returning. He even managed to make one of spicy spag bols yesterday even though he couldn't fancy any garlic bread to accompany it or cheese to follow. At the moment I've got a meatball curry plopping away at this very minute - at his request. We managed to go out for a bit on Saturday, get a bit of food shopping done & had a quick visit to the village pub.

Above all he's sounding so much more positive, interested in life again. He looks so much more alert & with it. Careful does it but he's definitely on the mend. three cheers!

Meanwhile the cleaner will be coming soon - that's one job less for him to do for the next few weeks.

I've cancelled my hospital transport for tomorrow. With the Fox looking able to cope with the trip, I'm confident he will be able to talk to me to make sure I'll not fall off to sleep at the steering wheel on the return trip. When I told them, they asked why I'd changed my mind. I told them I'd managed to find alternative transport. I went on to add that depriving a wheelchair-user of their wheelchair was rather like cutting their legs off. "Oh," she says, "You should have told them you needed a Tower ambulance." How was I to know that! When I had made the booking, I had expressed my horror at having to leave my own chair behind & depend on the ambulance/hospital chairs. I'd even told them that when we lived in Arnside, I had once had an ambulance sent to me which took me to hospital in my chair. Surely it was up to them to offer a Tower ambulance? How was I supposed to know that such a vehicle is called a Tower ambulance & I had to specifically request one such? 

Still fingers crossed for tomorrow. I'm just hoping it's going to be a false alarm.

Legless

As a result of yesterday's post, I'm off to the hospital on Tuesday for further investigations. Normally the Fox would have happily driven me in, no problem. However, in the present circumstances things aren't so easy. I'm anxious about my driving to Lancaster when the letter suggests I may have  a 3 hour visit, possibly including a local anaesthetic. There is the drive back to consider. I feel we've put on friends enough as it is over this last weekend, so I decided to ring up & arrange some hospital transport.

Would you believe it? Hospital transport cannot take my wheelchair. Car drivers are not insured to take it; ambulances haven't the space. An ambulance will be coming but I will have to use the ambulance, then the hospital, wheelchair. This means I will have no control of my movement as that chair will be the sort that someone else has to push or pull. I'm telling myself it will just have to do.

They don't seem to understand that to deprive a wheelchair user of the use of their own chair is rather equivalent to taking your legs away. It gives you a great sense of insecurity, vulnerability & dependency on others. It means having to ask to go to the loo as you can't go by yourself. What is more the letter indicates they may have to take more X-rays at odd angles. I managed to get into the awkward positions last time in my own chair. I'm not sure they will be able to manoeuvre these unwieldy wheelchairs with as much finesse.

But it seems it's the best we can do. The Fox cannot drive at the moment & I don't think it would wise for me to drive for such an appointment.