A little disruption

The washing is once more hanging on the line. It’s only the second time this year. The sky looks a bit questionable but the rain is holding off. It certainly isn’t warm. But there is a strong, if bitterly cold, wind, & that certainly seems to be blowing the water out of the sheets & clothes.

We dined out yesterday for a change. It was the Fox’s birthday. Usually we try to go out for the day but yesterday was Sunday & very near our holidays.

We decided we didn’t want to disrupt our sense of week more than it is inevitable as we go into full preparation for holiday mode. As you probably realise, Sundays are usually bed changing & washing sorting day for me, cleaning for the Fox. We decided to keep to routine. However we did decide the Fox should be let off cooking & washing up duties for once.

We went along to our favourite Chinese restaurant, Ricky’s. The meal was excellent though we both found it saltier than usual. We discovered as we ate, that Ricky himself was doing the cooking. With two bank holidays coming up next month, the first next week, he’d decided to give his usual chef time off. He’s anticipating being rushed off his feet over the holidays so he wants the chef to be fresh & ready to work hard then. As usual Ricky came over for a chat when things were quieter in the kitchen.

When we got home, & settled down to a drink - wine for the Fox, apple juice for me - to a bit of cool music, the phone rang. We were surprised. It was Mrs B, a retired headmistress, just ringing to wish the Fox happy birthday. A family emergency – her grandson & chauffeur had broken his leg playing football – had stopped her getting out to buy & post a card so she hoped a phone call would do instead. We thought it was very good of her to think.

As I say the week ahead is going to be disrupted. The fact I am writing today is a sign of that. Angie, our home help, is not here. She went down to Reading to visit her son for the weekend. She should be travelling back today. She’s coming on Wednesday instead.

Then tomorrow, we have someone from a landscaping company coming to look at our garden. We’ve decided the time has come to spend some money on it & make it easier to maintain & more accessible for me. We’re not sure quite what we want but it is increasingly looking a mess, not helped by the fact I can barely walk as far as the lawn these days. Al, our gardener, keeps the lawn cut, prunes the odd tree& shrub, but that’s about it. He can only spare us an hour & it’s a big garden. I’m thinking of there being a ramp in place on the patio area & a path down to the far end of the lawn so then I can get down there in my electric scooter to maybe tidy a bit myself. At the same time we want the garden to be wildlife friendly. We love to see the birds flitting around. It would be good if we could see a few more butterflies too. It would also be good to have a bit more colour. At present our garden is dominated by lawn, shrubs & trees. They give us privacy from neighbours & structure to the garden but they are also all very green & vary little through the season to give extra interest.

Wednesday not only sees Angie but the Fox is expecting a call from the GP to tell him what has caused his stomach upsets. It does seem to be largely settled down now. We suspect it was a bit of food poisoning. We’ll see.

A disrupted week ahead as you can see.

One down

The phone rings. It’s the nurse who supervises my Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD). She’s seen my blood pressure readings from the ambulatory blood pressure readings. The average readings ended up being on the high side but just within acceptable parameters. She had noted my discomfort throughout the procedure, so I would probably be a bit lower under normal circumstances. She was even more reassured when I pointed out that it was more likely to be high due to the pancreatitis than anything to do with my kidneys. I will not need to see her or have my medication adjusted. All I need to do his have my annual check up next year as usual.

That’s one of our medical worries out of the way before our holiday. Now we wait to find out about the Fox. He has to have another blood test next week & is due to see the GP the Friday after that to find out if there are any conclusions about what is causing his stomach upsets. Hopefully it’s nothing to spoil our holiday plans.

Meanwhile we’ve had to go shopping for yet more fencing panels as the severe winds we have had of late has blown one almost to smithereens. Unfortunately the new one comes metric sized which means it won’t exactly fit in our imperially placed concrete posts. Still they’ve given us some wood to fill the small extra space. Now we await our gardener, Al, to come next week. He’s happy to do small odd jobs while he’s here doing the garden. If nothing else we need some extra muscle as the panels are 5ft high & quite heavy, not helped by having to fight around the shrubbery to get the panel in.

Still, for all the wind, it’s lovely to feel the days getting warmer. I even got the washing out yesterday – first time this year. When we go out we can appreciate the cherry blossoms starting to appear on the trees. The narcissi are opening in our shady garden. The trees are putting on their green summer garb. It’s definitely beginning to feel like spring is here, even if it is still fighting off the odd icy blasts.

I’m turning my mind about what to pack for our holiday. Is it going to be warmer than here? Warm enough for lighter summer clothes? I’m not sure. Looking on the net I see the temperatures in the area where we’re going seems to be on average 10˚C higher than here, around the 20˚C mark. However, I suspect it will be a lot colder if we want to go up one of the many cable cars to the tops of some of the snow-clad(?) mountains. I’ll certainly be taking some warmer wear. Layering is always my answer. The only question is how light my lightest layer should be.

The last stretch

All the tickets & vouchers have arrived now. We’re on the last stretch in our preparation for our holiday.

I’ve read about the area we’re visiting & found many exciting places to go & see.

The insurance is done. A hotel in Manchester, with parking for the duration & transport to & from the airport, is sorted.

The Fox has booked us a hire car for our trip into the Italian lakes. We’ll return it before we head into Venice itself for our few days there. It should be easy enough to get from the airport into the city by public transport. Most of Venice itself is a car free zone, especially the more touristy area where all the sights are.

We’ve both tried to learn a few words of Italian. I’m not sure how useful they will be, but we will go well armed with a phrase book & pocket dictionary to help us.

Now the Fox is trying to find good directions for the journey from Venice airport to our hotel in the lakes. That seems to be more problematic than usual but he’s persevering. We’ve already located the Manchester hotel.

We’ve yet to sort out our euros, though we do have some left after our last trip to Euro land i.e. the Dordogne last year. However Venice itself sounds so expensive we feel it would be wise to take some extra cash with us. You can hardly buy a drink with a credit card, or pay for a ferry ride that way.

And, of course, there's the packing. But that won't be done until the last minute.

We’re beginning to think travel outside this country is becoming a thing of the past. There just seems so much to organise. The price of insurance is becoming astronomical due to our pre-existing health problems & increasingly due to our age. The health of both of us seems on the decline. The stress involved in organising the holiday seems to grow. It is noticeable that the Fox’s stomach complaint seems to have got worse in the last couple of days. I can’t help wondering if the stress hasn’t got something to do with it. Maybe we’ve just left it too late to organise this holiday, but we’re wary of booking anything too far in advance, as we like to feel reasonably confident of getting away.

It has to be admitted, though, going abroad does still have its attractions. The odds of finding some warmth & sunshine are greater. We feel more away from our troubles in a totally different cultural environment. Even food shopping is more of an adventure when it’s done in a different country.

We had hoped to book a holiday in France for the autumn. I’m not so sure now. We’ll see how we’re feeling when we get home. And for that matter we’ll see what the medics are saying. Much may depend on that.

On our way regardless

The tickets are arriving. The insurance has been sorted. It looks as though we’re on our way.

In the same post as some of the tickets came yet another form from the DWP (Department of Works & Pensions).  This time it’s for DLA (Disability Living Allowance). I knew that was due at the end of August. I just hadn’t expected the form to arrive so early. Still it will just have to wait until we’re home again. Hopefully by then I will feel restored a bit to tackle it.

I’m relieved to see it is a DLA form & not one for the new benefit which is replacing DLA, ie PIP. PIP is supposed to be starting to come out first in the north so that is what I feared, but clearly only new applicants are getting the new benefit initially. Still it is yet another form, more stress to cope with which I don’t feel I need.

On Thursday I had my ambulatory blood pressure test. What a nightmare!

I arrived at the surgery at 8.50am to be fitted with this machine. I had had the foresight to wear some loosely fitted clothes. At that time my blood pressure was very good. As the day went on, & the band blew up every few minutes I got more & more stressed. When the arm cuff blew up, it was impossible to do anything with my left arm. The circulation was virtually cut off as pins & needles went down my arm to my hand. My patience flagged, & I suspect my blood pressure rose, certainly my temper did. I was tired & would have had an afternoon nap but it was impossible with the pain in my arm whenever the pressure was read, not to mention the heavy weight at my waist.

By 7pm I was ready to get changed. I then had to cope with the tricky manoeuvre of getting my clothes off & nightwear on without taking this machine off. One thing was instantly apparent now my arm was bare. Every time the cuff blew up my arm bulged on either side of the cuff. I tried to loosen the cuff a bit but all that happened was that the machine just gave an extra pump making the band as tight as ever.

Finally it was 9pm. Time to take it off. What a relief!

Where the cuff had been there was a red mark. It is still there on my arm a couple of days later. My upper arm feels bruised & tender from the regular irregular constriction. I’m just hope it settles down soon.

When I took the machine back I couldn’t help mentioning what a nightmare it had been.

I discovered this procedure was organised by the nurse who oversees the progress of my CKD (Chronic Kidney Disease). I suspect she’s worried that my blood pressure has been up of late due to worsening of that, whereas I suspect it is more likely to be due to the pancreatitis. I’m now expecting to get called in to see her. Still she can just wait until we get home.  I’m not losing my holiday for the sake of seeing her. I suspect the best thing for my blood pressure will be a relaxing holiday away from the everyday stresses of life at home.

Such a waste

And so the news arrives. My stepmother died last week at the grand old age of 91.

I have not had anything to do with Marjorie since my father’s death over 10 years ago. I find myself trying to understand my feelings towards her now.

Above all I’m struck by the waste. When my father first told me he was going to marry her, I was pleased. He’d been miserable living on his own after my mother’s death. Marjorie was an old family friend. Her son was the first boy my brother met when he started school & they went through the school system always in the same form, always the best of friends. In many ways Alan had always been like a second brother. They were among the few guests at our wedding. I was happy therefore that Marjorie too should become part of the family.

As the years went by, difficulties arose. As their marriage had problems my father increasingly turned to me. I am very much my mother’s child. I even physically resemble her. My father increasingly compared Marjorie with my mother in a disparaging way. At the same time Marjorie seemed to feel, as my stepmother she had the right to tell us how to live our life – something neither of us would have accepted from my own mother, let alone Marjorie.

Things eventually came to a head after my brother’s death when she happened to come in the middle of a conversation I was having with my Dad. We were talking about my brother’s estate & my father also wanted some legal advice on how to change his own will. She took what was being said the wrong way but she would never listen to any explanation either of us tried to give. By the time Dad died the following year, she was most reluctant to even tell me Dad had died. She certainly didn’t want me at his funeral. Throughout the funeral speech it was about how Dad left a loving wife & stepson. It was as though I had never existed. Mind you it had been like that at my brother’s funeral too.

I did phone Marjorie once after Dad’s death, to offer an olive branch. We had been friends once. In many ways I still admired her. She coped with increasing blindness incredibly well when you consider she had never before been a person to sit down without some sewing, knitting, crochet work, book or crossword in her hand. I would have given her any support she needed willingly, for Dad’s sake if nothing else, but she was adamant in her refusal. All she wanted was for me to leave her alone, so that is what I did.

I just can’t help thinking though what a waste. When my father had married her around 1980, I was so pleased, so ready to give her any love & help she needed. I knew my father would not be an easy man to live with. Instead it turned into years of bitterness & alienation.

Still I have given her son, Alan, my condolences. We do not intend to go to her funeral. She wouldn’t want us there & I feel no need to intrude on her family’s grief. Alan said he would phone in a week or so, & he & his wife should meet up with us for a meal some time. We’ve always tried to stay on good relations with them. As it happens we had been contemplating suggesting meeting up for a meal the night of our hotel stay before our flight to Italy. Maybe we will do just that...

Grey again

The world is grey once more. The rain has returned after several weeks of absence. I'm contemplating putting on the lights it's so dark!

My sense of greyness is not helped by talking to my cousins yesterday.

First I phoned my cousin Alma.  She is the one recently diagnosed with lung cancer. This week she saw the specialist lung nurse.  She also had a biopsy taken. Now she waits for the results. Her sister Trudy & her husband have gone to stay with her, get her to the appointments, provide some support if needed. On the whole Alma sounds resigned & tired. I suspect she will be relieved to actually be doing something to hopefully improve the situation.

After speaking to Alma & Trudy, I rang another cousin Ann, who also has cancer, but of a different variety. She’s had it for a while now & has seemed to have been responding well to the chemo without too much adverse reaction. Unfortunately earlier this year she ended up getting very anaemic & having to have several pints of blood put into her. She restarted the chemo & is now feeling very tired, too tired to walk her beloved dog, & is once more off her food. This course of chemo ends soon. She has two weeks off during which she will have another blood test. I just hope all is well.

To top it all we read in a friend’s blog that he too has been diagnosed with a couple of carcinomas that need removing. He had one removed from his back a while back. It is to be hoped that the removal of these ones will go as well as last time.

Meanwhile, we hang onto the thought of our trip to Italy. I’m feeling rather put out by the hunt for travel insurance. The first company I tried wouldn’t insure the Fox as he is undergoing tests at the moment & the results aren’t known at this point. They would insure just me at the princely sum of over £420 for the 19 days. The next company wouldn’t insure us as I have over 5 medical complaints. I did suggest you could regard the hypertension, Chronic Kidney Disease, hypothyroidism & pancreatitis as all part of the one problem but they wouldn't have it. I’ll look on but I suspect we will be going without insurance. It’s one thing paying the Which average of £20-30, quite another over £420! That’s enough for another holiday!

A busy time

It’s been a busy few days.

On Tuesday we did get into Lancaster. We had to wait an hour and a half while they did his other two pairs of glasses. We thought that was preferable to having to make another trip into town to collect them.

By the time we were ready to go, it was getting to 5ish so we decided to eat out, a rather disappointing meal it turned out to be. The staff were very apologetic, couldn’t have been nicer, but it still doesn’t make up for a poor meal.

Wednesday was my birthday. As it was dry, even trying to shine a bit, we decided to go over to our old stamping ground of Arnside for a day out. We had an enjoyable stroll along the prom, reminiscing over old days, noticing how things have changed.

The sun had largely disappeared leaving a rather flat light, half misty looking. It was lovely to see the lambs in the fields with their mothers. But that was about the only sign of spring. The grass in the fields still looked very dead. No green haze of leaf bud veiled the skeletal trees. The rare daffodil flowered where normally there would be banks at this time of year.

After our stroll, we stopped at one of the pubs, the Albion, much enlarged since we lived in Arnside. The standard of the meals has improved immeasurably. We both thoroughly enjoyed our meals. I had plaice with Morecambe Bay shrimps, while the Fox enjoyed his steak, mushroom & ale pie. As it was my birthday, we succumbed to the treat of a dessert each – hot chocolate fudge cake and ice cream for me, orange and lemon sponge & custard for the Fox. We returned home tired, happy & satisfied. It was a good day.

All this activity took its toll. Yesterday, we were both rather lacklustre, with me in bed before 9pm despite having been late up, nearer 9am, in the morning. It’s a little reminder we will have to pace ourselves for this holiday in Italy. Still, even if we don’t get to see too much, just getting away, hopefully in the sun & warmth, will do us good I’m sure.

A bit of Scott

I put the radio on over breakfast, Radio 4 as usual. My heart sank as I caught the unmistakeable voice of Jim Naughtie. Not another extra programme on the greatness that was Margaret Thatcher, I thought. It was with some relief I discovered that no, it was a programme on that other Scot, Sir Walter Scott.

I confess I have tried reading one of his books, “Kenilworth” to be precise. My mother, an amateur family historian, reckoned it featured one of my ancestors. I found the book very hard going, despite being essentially a book about love & a murder in Elizabethan days. It certainly put me off attempting to read another of Scott’s novels.

And yet I am forced to admit I have enjoyed screen adaptations of “Ivanhoe” & “The Bride of Lammermoor”. I’m aware his works have inspired operas by many of the great composers. I appreciate that much of our view of Scotland is coloured by his works. This was especially so in the Victorian era.

I just wish I could find him more readable. Maybe I should give him another try some time.

Escape

The news still seems to be full of the death of Mrs Thatcher yesterday. I’m here to escape yet more special programmes on radio & television.

We’re hoping to get off to Lancaster this afternoon. The Fox’s glasses are finally ready, so we need to get in to collect them & get the other pairs sorted while we wait. We have a few shopping chores to do - a bit of a clothes & shoe hunt, Lancaster is better for that.

I would prepare some food, but it seems a bit pointless. By the time we’re likely to get back, I suspect we will be ready for a quick microwave meal, or maybe even eat out for a change.

I’m thinking once I’m finished here, I’m going to start on the depressing task of getting a few travel insurance quotes. I expect, as usual, I’m well and truly going to feel like an old crock, falling to bits, by the time I’m done. There’s something about going through the long list of medical conditions we both have, or have had, which seems to shock people at the other end of the phone. What particularly gets to me is some of the things they regard as relevant. They still ask if I have ever had cancer. I have, but it was over 10 years ago with no sign of recurrence since the op I had in 2001, but some companies still want to know about it. What I fear will put the price up this time, is my pancreatitis & the Fox’s current mystery problem.

Oh well, we’ll see what happens. Wish me luck!

Worried

We’re getting worried now. On Thursday the Fox had to go to see the doc. Most of March he’s not been feeling himself. He’s been hit by waves of nausea & an upset tum, not exactly painful but unsettled. Things seemed to be getting worse earlier in the week so he finally went to see the GP, not his usual one.

As we expected, there was nothing obvious. On Friday we were back at the surgery for various blood samples to be taken. Now we wait until the beginning of May for the results.

He’s been given some antispasmodic medication. It does seem to be easing things. The Fox has also reduced his alcohol intake, joining me in grape juice with dinner & in the evening as we listen to jazz & put the world to rights.

However, we are beginning to wonder if the trip to Italy is going to have to be cancelled. We’re due to leave here the Sunday after he sees the doctor on the Friday. He’s telling himself, provided it doesn’t get dramatically worse, we can still go, even if we essentially end up staying at the hotel reading  most of the time. We’re trying to convince ourselves that we’re just reacting to stress (problems with benefits, the family bad news, everyday pressures of life etc), & for that matter, even to the excitement of our Italian adventure.

This coming week I’m intending to tackle the depressing task of getting some quotations for travel insurance. I’ve no idea what I can say about his latest problem. It’s not even been diagnosed at this stage. It could be a myriad of problems, some minor, some serious, but which? I suspect the premiums have just gone up yet again.

And should I get a year’s insurance or just the single trip? It usually works out cheaper to pay for one annual rather than two separate trips.

I’m certainly getting nervous about the idea of booking a second holiday abroad later in the year. We had been thinking of going to France then. At the moment I think we would be wiser to wait & see how things go. I just hope this isn’t going to be another year like last year, only with the Fox being the patient instead of me.

Onto the next thing

I’ve finished going through the guidebooks trying to decide we would like to visit on our holiday in Italy. The list is long. We will decide exactly where we want to go according to how we feel & what the weather is doing. There are certainly no shortage of places to see both near & far, a mixture of dramatic scenery and more cultural activities. I shall be amazed if we return without having seen some Renaissance frescoes. The lake area seems to have been much fought over, sometimes being part of Austria, sometimes Italy. One village even has 40 castles! I don’t expect we will visit them all!

So now I’m turning my attention to learning a bit of the language. As readers of the Fox’s blog will know, he is having some difficulty with Italian. I’ve always found languages fairly easy to pick up. I’m surprised to find I can already pick up the essential meaning even from the last reading passage in our course & I only did a couple of lessons last time we went to Italy some 3 years ago. I’m not saying I would pass as a local but I can usually get to the stage of making myself understood & understanding what others say to me fairly quickly. Unfortunately it will be the Fox who will have the job of finding out if something is accessible, if so by what entry, & to ask for help when needed.  I won’t be able to get up the steps to ask.

I remember when we went to Pompeii about 3 years ago having a fascinating conversation with our hotel chambermaid. Her son was working in Brazil, her daughter learning English at school. All this was done in Italian with a dictionary on the table between us.

I also remember that most of our conversations with non-English people ended up being in French. Even the French couldn’t believe we didn’t come from France! Maybe that will be the case this time.

We expect a fair amount of English to be spoken as clearly this hotel is expecting many English guests coming through Saga, unlike last time in Pompeii when I can’t remember bumping into any English people at all. I gather at the hotel, with Saga, some Italian classes are available. Maybe the Fox will find it easier to learn the language when he is surrounded by it being spoken around him. I hope so.

That change of hour

One thing that cheers me when we reach April is having that extra hour of daylight in the evening.

My spirits go up as I look out over the sunlit garden as we eat our dinner in the early evening.

In the main part of winter I’m only too pleased to close the blinds & shut out the worst of the weather, to wrap myself around in the cosy comfort blanket of home.

As the end of March comes I grow restless. I’m awake at a ridiculously early hour, too early to get up, but it seems so light. I’m ready for the extra hour in bed in the morning &, more importantly, the extra hour of light in the evening.

The clocks have changed now. I’m more content. I just need a bit more warmth to spread, but I can’t see that happening whilst this icy blast of a wind continues to blow. I suspect when it does, the blue skies will disappear & the rains will return. You can’t have everything.

Most years, in this country, there is a debate as to whether we should change this clock changing business. People in the south think it is irrelevant. They would sooner have it lighter in the evening all year round. They reckon there would be less accidents as tired children make their way home in the gloom. 

Personally I remember my childhood in the north of England, when this country did make the experiment of having a standard time all year round that agreed with the current British Summer Time. I hated going to school in the dark. It was bad enough going in gloom in winter, but pitch black was even worse. It may be gloomy in the winter evenings but no worse than in the morning. But we, in the north, have shorter hours of daylight than those in the south, a fact we sometimes are aware of even when we make the occasional trip down to Manchester these days. I suspect Scots would want the hours changed even more than I do.

Still, now the hour has changed. And, what is more, we’re even having a spell of sunshine & blue skies. Summer is on its way. I just hope it’s better than last year’s one was.