Looking forward

We recently defrosted the freezer. As I result I discovered a gammon joint there I’d completely forgotten about. It’s on the freezer list but I only print off a few months’ worth of contents at a time. So today, I’m having a good rummage in the freezer.

I’m looking for that gammon joint. We’re going to have that for tomorrow’s treat New Year’s meal. Roasted it should be delicious. We’re contemplating experimenting with a maple syrup glaze for a change.

I’m also looking for some bacon bits & some cheddar cheese. The Fox is going to make a Cheese Pasta Medley for today’s dinner. These days, when I make a Cheese Pasta Medley I get it together in the morning & pop it in the oven in the evening. It’s too tiring for me to do it all in one go. However, the flavour of the final meal is improved if it’s done all in one go. The tomato ketchup becomes too evenly mixed in when you make it in the morning. Done in the evening the taste of each mouthful of food varies as the strength of the ketchup varies. I’m really rather looking forward to it.

What I’m not looking forward to is the rummage in the freezer. It’s cold enough for me to look out on our white lawns this morning. I know the joint is at the bottom of the meat section of the freezer so that means a lot of meaty ice blocks to be taken out. One of the side effects of the chemo is neuralgia. This results in a strange numbness at the same time as hypersensitivity. My fingers are really going to be frozen by the time I’m done. So wish me luck.

Meanwhile I’ll take this opportunity to wish you all 

A HAPPY NEW YEAR

May 2020 bring you health & happiness

Results

Friday went well. At least it did once I got through the nearly hour waiting to get in. By then I had more or less convinced myself that the oncologist was delaying seeing me as he dreaded telling me bad news.

The CT scan showed the tumour has shrunk considerably and, in some ways more importantly, the cancer hasn’t spread elsewhere.

My oncologist told me they would be having a meeting soon at which the various specialities would discuss my case. It is up to the surgeon to decide if he is ready to operate yet. He may want me to have another short 6-week course of chemo first. It would be a different type of chemo. However, the oncologist sounded confident that the op will be going ahead in February 2020 without further chemo.

My present course, he told me, will finish on Jan 6. Then there will be a few weeks to get it out of my system.

My immediate reaction was great. We can have a few days away, recover our energies a bit. Then I realised I’ve now got another appointment with the oncologist mid-Jan. Presumably I will need one, too, to remove the PICC line. There will be one at least one at the Breast Clinic to talk to the surgeon. There will be an appointment for pre-op assessment. Last time I had a breast op I had to have some metal & radioactive dye inserted so that would be another. I’ve already got one for new knee braces. The Fox, too, needs another appointment with Dermatology. Although the medication he was given earlier this month did initially ease his situation, as he’s reduced the medication the eczema is bursting out with renewed vigour. With all those appointments I can see we will be too busy to go away for any length of time.

Still, today, it’s on with the present chemo. I’m relieved to say my hair is already starting to grow back. Over the weekend I washed my hair. You’re not allowed to rub it dry or use a hair-dryer. The hair is too fragile. It was lovely to move around the house & feel once more my hair bounce around on top. So much more natural. To be realistic it will still be a while before I feel can go around without my head covered by something – wig, scarf, hat – but at least I can see more wisps there. I’m heading the right direction.

Anxious

It will be another day at the hospital. This time I have two appointments, one for a blood let & one to see the oncology specialist.

I confess to being nervous about the latter. The principle purpose of the meeting is to get the results of the CT scan I had last week.

 One part of me is looking forward to the confirmation that the tumour has shrunk sufficiently that they will be able to safely operate early in 2020. Certainly on a superficial level the tumour has disappeared.

The other part of me remembers being told that as long as the cancer was in the lymph nodes it was possible that it could spread to another organ. It is noticeable that it was a full body scan to check that there were no signs elsewhere. Although I can’t say I’ve found any new lumps, it doesn’t stop me fearing the cancer may have spread. With my family history I am convinced that ultimately cancer will kill me. This is my third bout. Is it to be my final fight? We’ll soon discover.

So fingers crossed as we go off to the hospital. I'm trying to convince myself that it is just the greyness of the day that's making me so gloomy.