Need for support

I've just been listening to "Generations Apart" on Radio 4. It featured the lives of various people as they face becoming 65. 

I can't help thinking that the common factor with so many of the people is the need for support &, so often, the lack of that support. 

We heard about the life of one 65 year old taking on the task of being a full-time parent to her 7 year old grand-daughter. Needless to say she worries how she will manage on her own when the little girl grows older. Social Services may have asked her to take on the role but they offer her no support in actually doing so, not even a few encouraging words.


Another copes with his wife's increasing dementia. One day he came  home early from work & discovered the carers he was paying for just standing at the bus stop. He made enquiries of concerned neighbours who said the carers were always in the garden on their mobiles while his wife was parked in front of the TV unsupervised. He'd come to the conclusion that he'd have to retire early to look after her as it was the only way he could be confident of her getting the level of care he felt she needed & deserved. He longed for someone to occasionally talk to who could understand him. His wife no longer even recognised him & rarely could understand anything he said. He worries too about what will happen as he grows older, especially as she is only likely to deteriorate further. He's already aware of physical toll on him looking after her by himself 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Support again is not forthcoming.

There somehow seems to be an assumption that people have good supportive families living nearby who will help in times of need. Today that just isn't so. Our nearest family is in Manchester. They work so hardly have time to support us even if they, & we, wanted it. I suspect that's typical of many people these days. Families move apart. Children move away from home, often to another part of the world, let alone to another part of the country, or even world.

If you are lucky, you have a good partner, then you can do as we do. I sometimes think we're like a pair of flying buttresses, each weak in ourselves, but by leaning on one another become a strong entity, capable of coping with most difficulties thrown up by life. For some, it's good friends and/or neighbours who play the role. Either way everyone needs support at some time, it's just a pity so many people don't find it.