Phone call dilemma

I've just been on the phone to Jean, Dick Gobble's wife. She was recently diagnosed with cancer, ovarian which has now extended to her stomach. I've not spoken to her since her diagnosis, feeling awkward about maybe intruding in her pain & grief, yet at the same time being aware she might find it reassuring to have someone to talk to who has been through some of the trauma of cancer themselves.

Yesterday, her husband, Dick, came in the Pub. Naturally we asked about Jean. I mentioned my dilemma. He said to ring. She seems to be getting great strength from discovering how many people really do care for, & love, her. So I did.

I'm glad I did. She seemed relieved to have someone to talk her worries over with. I think I'm the first person she's talked to who has ever experienced cancer themselves. Unfortunately her prognosis doesn't sound as hopeful as mine - my tumour was fully removed & is unlikely to return. But I do still remember the shock of being told, the fears for those you love who may be left on your own, the anxiety about what might happen ahead.

It puts my own feelings of disgruntlement over my limitations, expressed in yesterday's blog, in perspective. Poor Jean has been told she probably has about 2 years to live, depending upon how well she reacts to the chemotherapy, which starts on Monday.

She fears as to how Dick will manage. She's always done everything for him in the home. He only knows how to cook one meal, shepherd's pie, & won't touch ready meals. He has now idea of laundering clothes & general housekeeping. I try to reassure her she has got some time to teach him, & she may live much longer than suggested especially if she responds well. I'm sure all his, & her, friends will rally around to make sure Dick manages in the future, will give him, & her, as much support as they can.

She is turning her mind to practical things like getting their affairs organised, just in case. I've also suggested she should contact the local CancerCare place. They provide a lot of practical advice, as well as emotional support, for both patient & carer. They would also probably help her sort out benefits. As time goes on, she will probably need help with costs of care, travel to Preston where she is to be treated, just simple things like a Blue Badge so she can still go out a bit.

I hope the call was helpful. She certainly seemed pleased to get some of her anxieties off her chest. I do hope all goes well for her on Monday.