A non-day

It turned into a bit of a non-day. Yesterday afternoon we set off for the hospital to see MK. As usual I made my way in while the Fox waited in the car until he could find a parking space.

MK is now in a different ward, a more modern one but, for him, a more frightening one. Here he is in a separate small side ward for 4 people, invisible from the nurses' station. His fellow patients suffer from dementia, which means no sensible conversation for him. The nurses only peer round the corner into the ward when something has to be done, so there are long spells in which he is left on his own, without any means of getting any help if he needs it. His fellow patients aren't in any state to call for help for him. Indeed their constant chuntering means even if MK is in a state to cry out for help, he can't be heard over the others.

Anyhow, by the time the Fox arrives on the scene & had chance to say a few preliminary hellos, a member of the palliative care team turns up to discuss what MK really wants to do if another such emergency occurs once he's home again. (He's hoping fervently that will be happening on Friday.) She stays discussing the question for most of an hour. By that time visiting hours are over. We say our farewells & wonder why we'd bothered going in. We'd no chance to talk & joke a bit.

Home we go through heavy traffic. At one point, on the one way system, the traffic was 3 lanes thick & none of us moving much. Through this an ambulance comes, siren squealing, lights flashing. Cars try to move to make a fourth lane to enable the ambulance to get through.

Eventually we get home. I warm up the chicken curry I'd made in the morning. A singularly nondescript effort it turns out to be.

While the rice cooks, I think about today's dinner. I'd decided on lamb pies. What else could I do with the just 4oz of minced lamb I had in freezer to use up? It occurs to me I haven't seen the patty tins for a while. I start to rummage round the new kitchen & suddenly remember that we threw a few old & battered tins away when we were returning things to the kitchen. A horrible suspicion passes through my mind. The tins had been thrown out. Certainly neither of us can find their new home if we still have them. So on to the shopping list goes patty tins & the lamb pies will have to wait until Monday, by which time, hopefully we will have bought some new ones.

By the time I go to bed I just feel the whole world is toppling down on top of me. I go to bed more because I'm not sure I can cope with more things going wrong, than because I'm sleepy. The Fox comes & lies next to me. I burrow into his shoulder, feel his arms around me. We exchange a few gentle kisses. Maybe the world isn't so bad after all. Even my aches seem a little easier.

As for today's dinner, I look at the next thing down the list of freezer contents. So it is that I've just made some chilli con carne, hopefully with a little more fire than yesterday's curry. And while it plops away I watch the birds feeding in the garden.