Splendour & gloom

As so often on a Monday, we toodle down to the Pub, picking up PD on the way. We go along the prom. As the Bay opens out before us, as we near the iconic Midland Hotel (an Art Deco gem) we both gasp. The sheer magnificence of the view beyond is breathtaking. The waters are so still like an ice-blue mill-pond. Beyond soar the thickly snow-capped Lakeland fells. The snow almost had a pinkish cast; the shadows of the contours a deep blue. Absolutely fabulous. As the road twists again, away from the Bay, the snow-clad Pennines dominate the horizon, continuing the beauty.

Before we left the pub, Brenda came in. Now retired, she used to work at another nearby pub with accommodation. She couldn't help relating how often some Americans staying there, would come & tell her they'd just been to see the lake. She had to tell them it wasn't a lake but a bay. It's just that the water was so still, with no signs of a current, let alone a wave, they'd assumed it must be a lake rather than sea. Yesterday was one such day.

This was the bright spark of the day. I have to admit I've been dragging myself around of late. Everything just seems to be taking that much longer to do. I feel under pressure, things to be done but I don't have the energy to do them. That's probably why I've not written the last couple of days.  

I've been trying to decide why this should be. It's partly I'm unhappy about my letter to the bank. I know they're offering far less than they ought to, but I'm not really in a position to force them to pay up more. I can't seem to focus my thoughts properly & there is a time schedule necessitating a quick decision. 

It's partly because I'm aware of the fact my benefits are up for renewal later this year & I'm half expecting the brick of a form to come through the letter box any day. Not only is the form intimidating to fill but, from press reports, it sounds as if the government has changed the rules once more, making it even harder to get the benefits which I am certain I deserve. I know I am not fit to work by any measure.

Maybe it's partly the number of grey damp days we've had of late.

Partly, too, I am tired. I've just finished taking the pills I have to take in the middle of the night. Admittedly it's not helped by the fact my nights have on occasion been disrupted by the odd stomach pain. 

Whatever the reason, I'm in no state to make any decisions or focus on anything very much, not even on where or when to go on holiday. What is worse, I'm aware I'm being unreasonable with the Fox. Everything he says just seems to put more pressure on but I know he doesn't mean that way. He's just making conversation. There's something amiss in my head. I suspect it comes down to fact I'm getting depressed again.