Saturday blues

I was feeling quite bright & cheerful this morning. I happily set to boning, stuffing & rolling a leg of lamb for today's dinner. The sun is shining, the sky blue. It's warm for the first time in days. Then I start on the Saturday morning phone calls.

First my Aunt Ivy. Usually she's a ray of sunshine, lapping up life with relish even if she is in her late 80s. Today she's not that. Instead a very weak voice answers the phone. A fortnight ago, when I last spoke to her, she had just started with a urinary infection. It seems it's got worse with time despite the antibiotics she's been on all that time. She's lost half a stone in weight as she doesn't feel up to eating. Her mouth dries out after a very short time of speaking so we didn't spend much time on the phone. It is unlike her to feel sorry for herself, but today she's definitely not her usual cheery self. Oh, & no, it's not swine flu!

I then phone Helen. That was not much cheerier a phone call. MK, her husband & our friend with MND, is in a bad way. We've not been over to see them for a couple of weeks as he's not felt up to it. MK has now reached the stage where he spends most of his day with an oxygen mask on, eyes shut, dosing the day away. He can't cope with watching TV any longer. Helen even had to discourage their daughter from coming to visit as he couldn't cope with even that much disruption. Meanwhile Helen is getting ever tireder, with no sign of a break. She's getting to the stage of dosing on the settee whenever she can in order to cope with his demands for massages, nose wipes, oxygen, itch scratching, feeding, drinking, toileting, etc etc. I get the impression she's resigning herself to the idea that the end is nigh, but, at the same time, she knows this stage could last for months. I just hope her own health doesn't collapse under the toll. She just sounds so exhausted.

All in all today's phone calls have been something of a dampener, as I try to spread some of my own cheer around. It is with some relief I venture out into the garden for 10 minutes of garden tidying & a watch of the birds happily feeding at our bird table. Or go to the bin with the cut down debris to find Mr Blackbird enjoying his splashabout in the lake by the greenhouse. A bit of soul feeding & marvelling at the wonders of nature to restore my own flagging spirits.