Anxiety all round

I have to admit to being anxious. I'm hoping things will ease soon.

My first cause of anxiety is the hospital trip tomorrow. I'm relieved to say there's been no more spot bleeding. I'm telling myself all will be well. It won't be cancer. It was just one of those temporary aberrations that happen. But, for all that, I can't help being aware of a sense in the pit of my stomach that all is not well. Hopefully all will be clearer after yesterday, or soon afterwards.

More worrying is that the level of abdominal pains I've been getting during the night have got worse, more frequent. They're even hitting during the day. The new medication I was given last time I saw the doctor made the situation worse rather than better. I've stopped taking them & gone back to what I was on until I see him again. I think I'm almost more anxious this will be the more serious medical problem. I've not had the results of the blood samples taken a few weeks ago. Some of the tests were supposed to take at least 3 weeks to come back. I'm due back at the surgery next week. One thing is certain. This is not a temporary aberration about to disappear of its own accord.

On top of that I'm anxious about my benefit form. Last night we watched two programmes on the television, one on BBC2, one on Channel 4. Both came to the same conclusion. For all the good intentions of the new benefit, a lot of people seem to be being told they are fit to work when they are manifestly not. The consequences have been dire, even fatal in some cases. They seem to be taking the stance that if you can use so much as one finger to press a button, you are fit to work. No account seems to be taken of pain, fatigue or ability to cope with pressure. Being disabled is a full time job, a very tiring and painful one at that, for many people. I came away with the distinct impression that any medical professional who works for ATOS, the agency that makes the assessments, can have no integrity. We are telling ourselves that if necessary, if the Fox claims the Carers' Allowance, as he is entitled to regardless of the decision on this benefit claim, we should be able to keep going until he reaches 65 and his state old age pension. We may have to cut down on some things, but we have got enough capital behind us to just about cope. We're really hoping the disability organisation that's coming on Thursday can get the form filled in in such a way that my claim goes through first time. The idea of going through the appeal process is appalling.

As a minor irritant, one of the birds in our garden has discovered a new trick. You may remember the other Saturday our fire alarm had to replaced as it was beeping every 30 seconds night & day. Clearly this bird was enchanted by the sound. Now each time I venture out of the back door I get greeted by the sound of beeping. He's learnt how to mimic it perfectly. I just hope he bores of it soon. Or the girlfriend/wife lets him know it's time to change his songbook.