Onwards

The central heating boiler has been serviced. He finally arrived yesterday morning. At least that's done - one less thing to wait around for. The garden seems full of birds today. This morning no less than 4 magpies have been attracted by the fat that we cut off our pork steaks last night. The lawn is being scoured by wood pigeons, collared doves & blackbirds. For dinner tonight I'm intending to pick some sugar snap peas/garden peas grown by the Fox - our first real picking of the season.

Meanwhile my mind must once more turns to my benefit form. This will be my third session on it. 

While I try to do a preliminary draft of the answers, the Fox is trying to read up on the form & the hurdles in it. What he has read so far does not fill us with optimism. We're hoping to go along to the library later today when one of the local charities should be attending & be able to give us some advice on filling in the form.

Please understand, it is not that I want to cheat the system. I wouldn't even be applying if I genuinely thought I could  work. 

My life these days goes along slowly. Providing I continue on that level I seem to be able to achieve a fair amount, to keep going, to keep the level of pain & fatigue at a tolerable level. This, though, is nowhere near the level of activity that a healthy non-disabled person would do or would be expected to do. The demands of a job & the stress that would involve would be more than I could cope with these days. Equally I think any employer would have to be mad to take me on when I suspect - no, know - I could not keep up the pace for any length of time & would end up taking a lot of time off sick.

To be honest, I wish the support which the government is now offering had been available when I first became disabled 20 odd years ago. Then I think I could have appreciated the re-training & support being offered. I could possibly have stayed in work a lot longer than I did. I did go to see the Disablement Advisory Officer at the time. However, even to be assessed I would have had to go to Penrith for a few consecutive days and that would have been too much for me. I was therefore advised to abandon the idea.

Now, my medical condition has deteriorated. I have many more medical problems. and I'm just not fit to work at any sort of work on a regular basis. Just attending a meeting of a couple of hours length is enough to cause me to grab for the painkillers & exhaust me for weeks afterwards.

The whole business is getting me down. My only consolation is that I should at least get the further year of Employment & Support Allowance as even they cannot suggest I would not need support in order to work. I would need re-training if only to update long unused skills. By that time it would not be long before the Fox would be 65 & be entitled to claim his state pension. We probably have sufficient savings behind us to cope with the intervening few months financially even without my benefits.

Meanwhile I press on with the forms & realise in the 3 years since I last filled in my Incapacity Benefit form, my medical condition has worsened & I am able to do so much less. If that isn't enough to get me depressed I don't know what is.