Lifestyle changes

Life is going to have to change, but how? That is the question.

Yesterday, in the midst of cooking, I accidentally knocked over a tub of oil. The Fox rushed to clean up. By the time he'd cleaned up & I'd finished cooking the dinner, the Fox was on the verge of another stroke. His hand was once more tingling, his leg dead, his appetite gone. He just hadn't been able to cope with the stress involved.


Accidents will inevitably happen. That's an unfortunate part of life, but we've got establish a lifestyle that is less taxing every day on the Fox. It has to be admitted looking after a disabled person is a physically & emotionally demanding occupation. That's why so many carers end up ruining their own health in looking after their loved ones. Much as I try to minimise my demands & make sure the Fox feels appreciated, it doesn't alter the stress involved. Equally, with the best will in the world, I'm not in a position to help much.

The problem is that getting people in to help physically doesn't stop the stress. It just causes a different sort of stress. So we're back to the question of how can we reduce the stress on the Fox.


One thing we are convinced about is that less visits to the Pub would help. It's an eight mile drive there & back, & now that the Fox is driving once more he is aware of just how tiring that drive can be. While we are there, we usually spend time with PD. At times I think we almost assume the role of carers for PD as he tries to cope with his depressive illness. Certainly being with others does require a surprising amount of effort. Some of the time I'm convinced we would both benefit more if we'd just stayed at home & maybe had a nap, at least taken it easy. Certainly it would give us more time to get other, essential, chores done such as food shopping.

As I said the other day, I at present feel pretty shattered. At least part of it was the somewhat later than planned meal on Monday. Although it was nice to see friends & to have no cooking & washing up to do, that extra lateness has taken a toll on both of us. We're both feeling very, very tired. We're supposed to be going out for a meal on Thursday with PD & his wife Lin, Den & Fran. The table isn't even booked until 7.30pm & we're beginning to think this is just asking for trouble as far as our stamina is concerned. The meal is supposed to be going to be something special. A chef from the renowned Sharrow Bay Hotel is cooking & it is in aid of CancerCare, a good cause. But we're beginning to think we would be wiser to back out of it, much as we would like to go.

Neither the Fox nor I are very good at just relaxing. I wish we knew the answer. I suspect that taking things a bit easier would help us both, even if we can't exactly relax, put our feet up, do nothing, & feel happy. I long ago came to the conclusion, as far as I was concerned, the secret is to focus on those things which really give you pleasure & satisfaction, & let the rest pass you by. Other people can do those things for you if they're really necessary, but more often than not they're not that necessary at all. One thing's for certain - we've got to get a better balance, for both our sakes.