Funeral dress

And so we prepare for our second funeral of the year, the second for someone just 56 at the time of his death. Yesterday we were told of the dress code for the event. Dave had apparently stipulated he wanted no black at the funeral. This has caused a flurry as everyone has to rethink what to wear.

I wasn't intending to wear black. I reserve that for family funerals unless I just fancy wearing black that day or the deceased I feel is someone who would really want black, regarding it as a sign of respect towards them. My usual reaction is to wear something dark. Now I'm beginning to think I should wear brilliant colours. Indeed I have put on a fluorescent flame coloured jumper under a blouse. It something that always made Dave smile - more in shock as he joked about the need for sunglasses when I wore it, than because he really liked it I suspect. I'm wearing it under a blouse so only a bit is visible around the open neck, but I am beginning to wonder if I should go into full glorious colour, as bright as possible.

My mother had always said she wanted me to dress in bright colours for her funeral when the time came. She wanted a celebration of her life, not sadness over her death. I duly went in my then best dress, one she had helped me make, a wedgwood blue dress. My concession to society norms was a black hat. My uncle & cousin looked with disapproval at me, but it was my mother's wish. Even my father seemed to think I'd made a social faux pas, until I explained my reasoning.

I have to confess I do find these wishes of the deceased a little upsetting. If I want to wear black, & it can be a very smart colour which I wear anytime, not just for funerals, I don't see why I shouldn't. Equally being expected to be in celebratory mood, when all you feel is the weight of loss now the deceased is gone, is ridiculous.

I hope when my time comes, people will be comfortable wearing whatever they fancy. I hope some people will be able to celebrate I lived, but I am sure, at the time of the funeral, some will just what to mourn & get through the event however they can, & if black helps them, so be it.