Dilemma

Should I ring or should I not? That's the dilemma. Readers of the Fox's blog will know our friend, MK, who has Motor Neurone Disease, had a relapse yesterday. I don't want to be a nuisance for Helen - she has more than enough problems to cope with with MK's health - & yet I can't help worrying about them both. Does knowing so many people are rooting for them help encourage & support them? Or would they just prefer a bit of peace so they can relax what little bit they can? It's sometimes so difficult to know what to do for the best.

I sometimes think it's worse being a carer than being the sufferer. If you're ill, you're too wrapped up in your illness to be concerned about anything else. You're also given all the info you can cope with from the medical team looking after you. So often those who care, are left in the dark , or unable to do anything except worry - & I sometimes think that's the worst of all. That feeling of uselessness.

It's obviously worst for those who care on a daily basis. Helen yesterday was clearly feeling the frustration of not having a magic wand to wave to take away MK's suffering. But she's not a trained nurse, just a 70 year old woman, who's not had a proper night's sleep for weeks, if not months, who clearly loves her husband of many years & is left on her own to do all the caring by herself. And that's a lot of work. MK, these days, can't even scratch his nose if he has an itch, by himself. In theory she has a paid care assistant come once a week for a couple of hours, but they rarely turn up, so she can't rely upon them. She is fortunate in having good neighbours. So when MK has fallen, she has been able to call upon them for help in getting him up, but she doesn't want to be a burden on their neighbours. It's a lot for her to have to take on. You can see it's taking a toll on her & her own health.

As I sit, doing my jigsaw, I look out of the front window. I see our neighbour, Michelle. She, too, is suffering from the exhaustion of caring. Her husband, Jeff, I mentioned had a heart attack a few weeks ago. He is still in hospital. Michelle is desperately running around, trying to visit him, keep her one-man business going & run the home. She's usually a positive whirlwind of energy, but not now.

In both cases I look on & wish there was something I could do to help. But realistically there is nothing. All I can do is pray & provide a shoulder if they need it.