Friends

The rain stayed off for the Carnival, not that we went. It arrived once more in the evening. It continues to come.

I’ve just been making some fishcakes for dinner tonight. As I did I half-listened to the radio. The programmes changed from the news to “Bringing up Britain” which was essentially about how to teach children to make friends.

I found myself questioning what is a friend. I know many people, as you will probably have realised, but how many do I regard as “friends”.  Where is the dividing line between “good acquaintance” & “friend”? There are many I’ve called “friends” for the purpose of my blog but are they really “friends” or “good acquaintances”, people we meet on a frequent & regular basis?

Undoubtedly I think of our friend in Harrogate as a “friend”. That relationship has stood the test of time, through both good & bad times. We’ve known each other since university days over 40 years ago. Undoubtedly at times we’ve got on each other’s nerves at times but that doesn’t stop the friendship, or our being prepared to help each other out in times of trouble. Equally he, & his wife, is in our thoughts most days.

There are people I thought of as friends in Arnside where we used to live. Yet we have soon ceased seeing each other after our move to here just a few miles away, until now it is just a question of Christmas cards. We’ve drifted apart into our own separate worlds.

Here there are our regulars at the village pub & at the golf club. We see them at least once a week, a couple of hours at a time. We talk about what we’re doing, problems we’re having, support each other through crises of one sort or another. The same could be said of our gardener. Whenever she comes I usually sit out chatting to her as she works. From time we exchange gifts – her homemade jam for a lamp we’re replacing.  And yet I question how long we would keep in touch with any of them if we or they moved house or moved into a nursing home.

Are our neighbours friends? Certainly when the Fox had his stroke, neighbours were straight round offering assistance. When I was diagnosed with this cancer, again they offered. But surely that is just good neighbourliness. We did the same when one neighbour’s wife died in tragic circumstances & another had a husband in hospital. We’ve even been to parties with neighbours which are held every few years. We all care for one another, do what we can to help even if it’s just a shoulder to cry on, & yet we don’t know the minutiae of their lives & their non-resident families.

And what about childhood friends? My step-brother & the chap who used to share a flat with my brother, both were people I knew well in my childhood. In both cases they were really my brother’s friends more than mine, yet even now, nearly 20 years after my brother’s death, they remain people I communicate with & care about, even see from time to time. We’ve certainly been through a lot of life’s ups & downs together.

Somehow to call such people “acquaintances” seems to belittle their value & import in our lives. And yet I feel a friend is someone I could share my innermost thoughts & argue with without risk of losing that love. There are only two people I feel I can say that of – the Fox & our friend in Harrogate.