Readers of the Fox's blog will realise we're having problems with raising much festive cheer this year. I think we've finally got the tree looking good, all the cards are out, many received, the freezer is well stocked, bird food supplies are replenished, all should be set for go.
I find myself trying to analyse why there is this absence of festive cheer. I've come to certain conclusions.
Firstly I suppose it is that Christmas should have a religious element in it, to my mind. Yet would I make such a fuss about anyone else's birthday? No. Part of it is undoubtedly that I've not managed to get to church since mid-November due to the weather. This means I've not sung any carols, seen the tree in church, lit the advent candles, heard the Christmas stories anew. I had hoped to at least get to the Carol Service but there was far too much ice for me. There is a steep ramp into our church which isn't salted or cleared - a very dangerous path in these inclement times.
Christmas used to be associated with certain rituals. Christmas Eve was always the Big Bake day, when my mother & I made plate size minced pies & jam tarts, as well as dozens of smaller ones - a time when she was exclusively mine, a rare event in the year. Come the evening my brother would join us to prepare the turkey. Christmas Day was my special time with my father when we would walk down together to the morning service at church while the dinner was cooking. But now both parents are dead, along with my brother. Even after setting up my own home with the Fox, certain rituals became established, the bottle of port on Christmas Eve, the special meal on the Day but now our tastes have moved from port, & certainly our capacity to drink it in such quantities is diminished, & the dinner is just too exhausting to make.
Other things I associate with Christmas are the getting together of families & friends, some of whom are rarely seen throughout the year. But now so many of the immediate family are no longer here, & so many houses are just not accessible for me now. We never had the children who should now be visiting.
Even the long break from work was part of the treat of Christmas but when you no longer work then that is nothing very special.
Instead of all these things that should make this time exciting, all I'm seeing is the long queues in the shops, especially the supermarkets. The sense of panic that radiates from all these stressed shoppers. Then there's the bars crowded with noisy over-indulged merrymakers. And in the midst of this there's anxiety, too, over friends - Jean, our friend with cancer should be hearing today whether her tumour has shrunk sufficiently for her to have an operation in January to safely remove most of it, & Rob, the landlord at the Pub, is having his heart stopped & restarted today in the hope of restoring a more normal heart rhythm. It isn't helped with hearing that the Fox's trip to the surgery yesterday was bad news so he will be seeing the doc early in the new year. Admittedly the nurse who did the test is young & very panicky about anything that varies the least bit from the stipulated norm, so there may be no real cause for concern, but that doesn't stop the worrying. At least my tooth is repaired & seems to be settling down fine.
Hopefully our Christmas lunch should be something special. The menu certainly looks good. I'm just hoping Den & Fran are in better mood than last year. Admittedly that was about the first time Den had ventured out since his stroke &, as far as I've know, he's in good health now. But Christmas is always a bad time for them as Fran's first husband, Den's best friend, died on Christmas Eve & tends to cast a dark shadow over the event for them.
No, despite all the above, I'm telling myself it will be a happy Christmas. Now the chores are done, we can sit back & get on to the fun.
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