Sinking a bit

I’m trying to sort out some different home help. After the catastrophe with the company Angie worked for, I’m decidedly nervous. For myself, on the whole, I’m kind of relieved not to have a stranger invading my home every week. But I’m forced to admit the Fox is not physically up to maintaining the cleanliness of our home, as well as looking after me, and I don’t want him to have another stroke as a result of overdoing things. I had hoped to try to do a bit more myself to help but so far, since our holiday, all I’ve achieved is to wash down the glass in the bathroom. Not much of a help, & certainly not enough, regular enough, to enable the Fox to feel he can relax a bit.

We’ve got the list of agencies from the council now. We’ve short-listed a few, just on the basis on the type of disability they care for & their central office location.

This morning I tried ringing the favourite. First I get someone who couldn’t speak as she was driving at the time, so ring back half an hour later. When I ring back later, I get an answerphone. This worries me. What if there is a problem, an emergency? Is there no regular office staff? Would I be left wondering why someone hadn’t turned up & be unable to find out? Would I even be able to notify them if, for some reason, I had to cancel an appointment?

I’m now questioning whether I shouldn’t try another agency. I’ll have to talk about the matter with the Fox.

Meanwhile I’m also trying to sort out the various insurances. So far I’ve done the car insurance. Next it’s the home one.

All this is making me aware I’m starting to get tense, so often the first stage towards the downward spiral of depression. As it is I’m worrying about various cousins. All those with cancer seemed to have worsened during our holiday away. I suspect next year will be another year of funerals.

The one good thing is that it simply a beautiful day. The sky is a luminous blue, so cheering. Maybe I’m just feeling a bit down because it’s that time of year. I hate getting up in the dark & these days it’s dark in the morning. I feel it’s time for the clocks to change. The Fox points out that will mean it will be dark early too. I don’t mind that so much. By now the weather is usually so cold & miserable I’m usually glad to draw the curtains shutting out the outside & wrap myself in the warm comfort blanket of home for the evening.

Still today the sun is shining brightly & I’m clinging onto that fact.