I've just been listening to "Generations Apart" on Radio 4. It featured the lives of various people as they face becoming 65.
I can't help thinking that the common factor with so many of the people is the need for support &, so often, the lack of that support.
We heard about the life of one 65 year old taking on the task of being a full-time parent to her 7 year old grand-daughter. Needless to say she worries how she will manage on her own when the little girl grows older. Social Services may have asked her to take on the role but they offer her no support in actually doing so, not even a few encouraging words.
Another copes with his wife's increasing dementia. One day he came home early from work & discovered the carers he was paying for just standing at the bus stop. He made enquiries of concerned neighbours who said the carers were always in the garden on their mobiles while his wife was parked in front of the TV unsupervised. He'd come to the conclusion that he'd have to retire early to look after her as it was the only way he could be confident of her getting the level of care he felt she needed & deserved. He longed for someone to occasionally talk to who could understand him. His wife no longer even recognised him & rarely could understand anything he said. He worries too about what will happen as he grows older, especially as she is only likely to deteriorate further. He's already aware of physical toll on him looking after her by himself 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Support again is not forthcoming.
There somehow seems to be an assumption that people have good supportive families living nearby who will help in times of need. Today that just isn't so. Our nearest family is in Manchester. They work so hardly have time to support us even if they, & we, wanted it. I suspect that's typical of many people these days. Families move apart. Children move away from home, often to another part of the world, let alone to another part of the country, or even world.
If you are lucky, you have a good partner, then you can do as we do. I sometimes think we're like a pair of flying buttresses, each weak in ourselves, but by leaning on one another become a strong entity, capable of coping with most difficulties thrown up by life. For some, it's good friends and/or neighbours who play the role. Either way everyone needs support at some time, it's just a pity so many people don't find it.
Monday, 8 August 2011
Sunday, 7 August 2011
A cheery start to the day
What a start to the day! As so often I put the radio on as I woke up. Sometimes I drift off back to sleep. I think I probably did do just that for a time. But then I found myself listening more attentively to the programme.
So what was the subject of the discussion? The cost of funerals. Not really the subject I would have thought anyone would want to wake up to. I supposed it has a religious significance so regarded as a topic to be covered in a Sunday morning religious programme. But even so it's not exactly something you would want to wake up to.
I have to confess I found myself thinking of the funerals I've helped to arrange. The first time I was shocked by the sheer price. They reckon these days the minimum you will have to pay is £2500. Most funerals cost nearer £3000. That's a lot of money.
As the programme went on to comment, this comes at a time when you are suffering from the shock of the loss of a loved one. We certainly didn't shop around to find the cheapest price. We went to the first place we could find, especially since, so far, the only funerals we have had to arrange have been in Manchester, miles away from where we live. Even locally my choice of funeral directors would probably be decided by repute, or just whoever I could find.
In the cases we have dealt with the estate left more than covered the cost of the funeral, but it would have been worrying indeed if there were no savings for the purpose. For myself, I don't care what is done with my body when the time comes. As far as I'm concerned I don't expect to be there to be bothered. But the people we were arranging for I think would have liked a decent burial, in a presentable coffin, with a gravestone on their graves to mark their having lived.
I was surprised to hear how some funeral directors make excessive profit from the deal. I didn't realise there was variation in cost according to the time of the funeral. Apparently it is a lot cheaper at 9am than at 11am. I can see how a later time would be more popular as it would give time for mourners to arrive, sometimes from quite a distance away. But we were never offered a choice of times or told the difference in price. We were just relieved the time offered was convenient & soon. I suspect that's the case most of the time.
I gather many older people worry about how they will be able to pay for a decent funeral for themselves & often their spouses or partners. So many people have very little by way of savings behind them for that inevitable rainy day. In such circumstances £3000 is a very great deal indeed.
So what was the subject of the discussion? The cost of funerals. Not really the subject I would have thought anyone would want to wake up to. I supposed it has a religious significance so regarded as a topic to be covered in a Sunday morning religious programme. But even so it's not exactly something you would want to wake up to.
I have to confess I found myself thinking of the funerals I've helped to arrange. The first time I was shocked by the sheer price. They reckon these days the minimum you will have to pay is £2500. Most funerals cost nearer £3000. That's a lot of money.
As the programme went on to comment, this comes at a time when you are suffering from the shock of the loss of a loved one. We certainly didn't shop around to find the cheapest price. We went to the first place we could find, especially since, so far, the only funerals we have had to arrange have been in Manchester, miles away from where we live. Even locally my choice of funeral directors would probably be decided by repute, or just whoever I could find.
In the cases we have dealt with the estate left more than covered the cost of the funeral, but it would have been worrying indeed if there were no savings for the purpose. For myself, I don't care what is done with my body when the time comes. As far as I'm concerned I don't expect to be there to be bothered. But the people we were arranging for I think would have liked a decent burial, in a presentable coffin, with a gravestone on their graves to mark their having lived.
I was surprised to hear how some funeral directors make excessive profit from the deal. I didn't realise there was variation in cost according to the time of the funeral. Apparently it is a lot cheaper at 9am than at 11am. I can see how a later time would be more popular as it would give time for mourners to arrive, sometimes from quite a distance away. But we were never offered a choice of times or told the difference in price. We were just relieved the time offered was convenient & soon. I suspect that's the case most of the time.
I gather many older people worry about how they will be able to pay for a decent funeral for themselves & often their spouses or partners. So many people have very little by way of savings behind them for that inevitable rainy day. In such circumstances £3000 is a very great deal indeed.
Saturday, 6 August 2011
Down & up
My spirits seem to sink again when we went to the Pub in the afternoon. I'm not sure why. It was a good turn out. Most people seemed in good humour. Maybe it's just that I was aware of the Fox's dis-ease (for which read his blog). Maybe it's just I have a tendency to withdraw into myself in a crowd & there did seem to be a crowd & I was still trying to rise from the abyss into which I'd fallen earlier in the week.
However, my spirits did rise a bit with the Fox's Moroccan spicy chicken casserole. Delicious & flavoursome. Tomatoey with underlying aromatic spices.
Later in the evening we decided to open a bottle & have a chat. I was in two minds as to how much that appealed as my mouth still felt filled with the taste of the meal. The Burgundy white soon permeated through, creamy, fruity & stony. It was good. Once more my spirits started to rise. I think I'm just still in a delicate state of mind, but, on the whole, I still feel I'm heading in the right direction.
However, my spirits did rise a bit with the Fox's Moroccan spicy chicken casserole. Delicious & flavoursome. Tomatoey with underlying aromatic spices.
Later in the evening we decided to open a bottle & have a chat. I was in two minds as to how much that appealed as my mouth still felt filled with the taste of the meal. The Burgundy white soon permeated through, creamy, fruity & stony. It was good. Once more my spirits started to rise. I think I'm just still in a delicate state of mind, but, on the whole, I still feel I'm heading in the right direction.
Friday, 5 August 2011
Black dog on the prowl
Churchill's black dog has been visiting. I'm coming to the conclusion that maybe relaxing is not a good thing. So often it results in a spell of depression. I found myself being overwhelmed by a sense of having to drive myself to do things & wondering why bother. I felt tired, oh so tired. Not in a sleepy way, but rather tired of life, tired of its demands, of its inevitable routines some of which I find disturbing if they're not there. I found myself metaphorically, as well as literally, holding onto the Fox till the cloud passed over.
What brought this on? I've no idea. The only thing I can suppose is that it is related to how much stress I've been under since the Fox's stroke. This week the Fox has done a lot more cooking. For no particular reason my culinary mind had strayed into the realm of Chinese food with the result the wok has come out & the Fox is the master of that equipment. As a result I've had quieter mornings, with no food to prepare. In theory I should have been able to relax & feel suitably refreshed by now. Instead I did start to relax, with the result the damming wall came down & I discovered just how drained I really was. Even the slightest pressure became too much as no reserves remained.
I finally admitted to the Fox yesterday the state I was getting into. Maybe that was the turn in the corner. Certainly by the time we had enjoyed some delicious spicy pork for dinner, my cooking effort, my spirits were starting to rise again.
I'm relieved to say I'm feeling much more myself this morning. For the first time in days I'm not contemplating killing myself. I'm even beginning to feel a little wonder at the world as I see the rain gently falling on the herbs. I'm starting to think life is not so bad after all..
What brought this on? I've no idea. The only thing I can suppose is that it is related to how much stress I've been under since the Fox's stroke. This week the Fox has done a lot more cooking. For no particular reason my culinary mind had strayed into the realm of Chinese food with the result the wok has come out & the Fox is the master of that equipment. As a result I've had quieter mornings, with no food to prepare. In theory I should have been able to relax & feel suitably refreshed by now. Instead I did start to relax, with the result the damming wall came down & I discovered just how drained I really was. Even the slightest pressure became too much as no reserves remained.
I finally admitted to the Fox yesterday the state I was getting into. Maybe that was the turn in the corner. Certainly by the time we had enjoyed some delicious spicy pork for dinner, my cooking effort, my spirits were starting to rise again.
I'm relieved to say I'm feeling much more myself this morning. For the first time in days I'm not contemplating killing myself. I'm even beginning to feel a little wonder at the world as I see the rain gently falling on the herbs. I'm starting to think life is not so bad after all..
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
Pictures of the time
As at the end/beginning of every month, the Fox turns the page of our two calendars to reveal the pictures for the coming month.
The kitchen calendar is a freebie, sent each year by our travel agent. Last month we spent with a fabulous misty, almost autumnal, Tuscan scene. The sense of recession between the layers of mist, the columnar trees, the terracotta roof of the farmhouse, all captured something of Italy at its most attractive - a dream of Italy.
Now, in August, we've moved on to Mexico. This really is a naff image. The colour is odd. The sea looks a tempting turquoise, but the land & plants have an unnatural yellow colour cast. The construction of the picture is awful. It just some bit of rocky shoreline with a crumbling building above. It could be almost anywhere. A bit of a dump. Definitely this would not tempt you to go to Mexico.
I can't help thinking we could have provided better pictures ourselves.. I presume this image of Mexico was cheap. It certainly should have been. Roll on September. Hopefully then we will have something more exciting.
Our other calendar, the one we bought for ourselves, to light up a dark bit of the hallway, is of the work of Tiffany. There is a paragraph of text telling you something of Tiffany & the way his glass designs evolved. The colours are bright, the images may be static but they have an early 20th century sense of style. This month we are looking at a poppy design, full of vibrant colour. Our only dissatisfaction is the inevitable one that the glass is designed to be illuminated with light from behind, whereas a print loses that luminosity, flattens the colours a bit. But even so, wow. This calendar cheers me up every time I pass it. It's a calendar I'm really enjoying. Last year's Gustav Klimt one I got bored with half way through to year. Not this one. At the end of every month I look forward to discover what new image lies ahead.
The kitchen calendar is a freebie, sent each year by our travel agent. Last month we spent with a fabulous misty, almost autumnal, Tuscan scene. The sense of recession between the layers of mist, the columnar trees, the terracotta roof of the farmhouse, all captured something of Italy at its most attractive - a dream of Italy.
Now, in August, we've moved on to Mexico. This really is a naff image. The colour is odd. The sea looks a tempting turquoise, but the land & plants have an unnatural yellow colour cast. The construction of the picture is awful. It just some bit of rocky shoreline with a crumbling building above. It could be almost anywhere. A bit of a dump. Definitely this would not tempt you to go to Mexico.
I can't help thinking we could have provided better pictures ourselves.. I presume this image of Mexico was cheap. It certainly should have been. Roll on September. Hopefully then we will have something more exciting.
Our other calendar, the one we bought for ourselves, to light up a dark bit of the hallway, is of the work of Tiffany. There is a paragraph of text telling you something of Tiffany & the way his glass designs evolved. The colours are bright, the images may be static but they have an early 20th century sense of style. This month we are looking at a poppy design, full of vibrant colour. Our only dissatisfaction is the inevitable one that the glass is designed to be illuminated with light from behind, whereas a print loses that luminosity, flattens the colours a bit. But even so, wow. This calendar cheers me up every time I pass it. It's a calendar I'm really enjoying. Last year's Gustav Klimt one I got bored with half way through to year. Not this one. At the end of every month I look forward to discover what new image lies ahead.
Tuesday, 2 August 2011
Going professional
Another easy meal today. The next item on the list of freezer contents is smoked salmon. I've decided it's going in a kedgeree so all I need to do by way of preparation is boil some eggs. This has duly been done.
Mr P, the retired music teacher, is back from is hols & full of enthusiasm for his new enterprise. He's decided to set up in the catering business. He's found some premises to open up as a restaurant. A friend, who is an interior designer has drawn up some designs & he is now excitedly planning his re-decoration work, most of which he intends to do himself. The idea is for the restaurant to only open a couple of days a month as a dining club, pre-booked tables & meals only. Most of the time he anticipates using the kitchen for preparing food for weddings, parties etc, held elsewhere.
I have to admit, much as I love cooking (a fact I'm sure you will all have realised by now!), the last thing on earth I would want to do is open up a restaurant. I know they reckon every good home cook has that dream but it has never been so for me. To cook for two, or up to about 6, on a regular basis is enough for me. I think that is part of the reason my enthusiasm for "Masterchef" died. It's become so aimed at people aspiring to work in the professional kitchen. I suspect doing a hundred covers a day for a month would cure me of any pleasure in cooking. It would become just a chore, something that has to be done, no great pleasure or source of relaxation. No, it would not be the life for me, even if I was physically able to cope with it. But good luck to Mr P in his new enterprise. I hope it doesn't disappoint him, or his guests.
Mr P, the retired music teacher, is back from is hols & full of enthusiasm for his new enterprise. He's decided to set up in the catering business. He's found some premises to open up as a restaurant. A friend, who is an interior designer has drawn up some designs & he is now excitedly planning his re-decoration work, most of which he intends to do himself. The idea is for the restaurant to only open a couple of days a month as a dining club, pre-booked tables & meals only. Most of the time he anticipates using the kitchen for preparing food for weddings, parties etc, held elsewhere.
I have to admit, much as I love cooking (a fact I'm sure you will all have realised by now!), the last thing on earth I would want to do is open up a restaurant. I know they reckon every good home cook has that dream but it has never been so for me. To cook for two, or up to about 6, on a regular basis is enough for me. I think that is part of the reason my enthusiasm for "Masterchef" died. It's become so aimed at people aspiring to work in the professional kitchen. I suspect doing a hundred covers a day for a month would cure me of any pleasure in cooking. It would become just a chore, something that has to be done, no great pleasure or source of relaxation. No, it would not be the life for me, even if I was physically able to cope with it. But good luck to Mr P in his new enterprise. I hope it doesn't disappoint him, or his guests.
Monday, 1 August 2011
Culinary exploits
Angie's in for a surprise today. She usually finds food prepared ready for dinner in the evening, but not so today. I'm having a couple of days off cooking. The Fox usually cooks on Sunday. By the time I've changed the bed & sorted out the washing, my Sunday afternoon chores, I'm usually past it so he cooks. And yesterday it was a beautiful spicy but succulent prawn curry. Today it's the turn of the wok as we go Chinese.
One of the joys of emptying the freezer a bit is that you discover long-forgotten treasures. Today we're tackling a duck breast. Yes I did say a duck breast. One good thing about so many stir-fries is that you don't need a lot of meat or fish. By the time the breast is cut into strips to cook, we shouldn't realise how little there is. And in all honesty it's not so little. I have weighed the breast & discovered it weighed 8oz, not a bad quantity for two. It would just look rather pathetic if we cooked it whole & then cut it in half.
We're hoping to do the big shop later this week, tomorrow probably. Then we will be back to planned meals. The decision of what to do with smoked salmon, the next item on the freezer list, will wait a bit. But I'm looking forward to it since the salmon is from our local smokehouse & quite delicious.
One of the joys of emptying the freezer a bit is that you discover long-forgotten treasures. Today we're tackling a duck breast. Yes I did say a duck breast. One good thing about so many stir-fries is that you don't need a lot of meat or fish. By the time the breast is cut into strips to cook, we shouldn't realise how little there is. And in all honesty it's not so little. I have weighed the breast & discovered it weighed 8oz, not a bad quantity for two. It would just look rather pathetic if we cooked it whole & then cut it in half.
We're hoping to do the big shop later this week, tomorrow probably. Then we will be back to planned meals. The decision of what to do with smoked salmon, the next item on the freezer list, will wait a bit. But I'm looking forward to it since the salmon is from our local smokehouse & quite delicious.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)