Old friends

Yesterday we decided to go off to Carnforth, to Booth's, to stock up on some freezer foods & cheeses. We seem to have been getting low of late. I suppose it's partially that we've had a few extra ready meals with the Fox not being well enough to help with the cooking. (I'm glad to say he's once more in full swing as far as cooking as concerned. He made us an exxcellent chicken chow mein yesterday.)

As we came out of the till area I noticed an old lady seated, waiting. It was our neighbour who lived beneath us when we lived in Arnside. She must be well into her 80s by now. We had a chat & caught up on old times before going our separate ways.

After this we progressed to our usual butcher for some chicken for today's dinner.

Then we stopped at a pub we don't usually visit. We headed to the loos first but were stopped by yet more familiar faces. This time it was Stella Dave & his friend Chas. We haven't seen Stella for years. He's a brilliant young man, rather too brilliant to cope easily with many people. Last we saw of him was a couple of years ago at the funeral of a mutual friend, Dave C, Linda's husband. Then Stella was working in London doing some high powered job. Now he was back, jobless yet again, victim of the recession. 

He was quite horrified to hear of the Fox's stroke, especially when he realised the Fox is just 61. He feels strokes are for old people. 61 is not old. Stella himself must be in his late thirties. His conclusion was enjoy yourself while you can. We whole-heartedly agreed.

Then another friend came in, another man we've not seen much of of late - Phil the Wizard. He's been very preoccupied with grandchildren these days, having recently gained twins after his daughter had a rather difficult pregnancy. He's now grandfather to 4.

It was good to have an unpressured shop, to see old friends, to catch up on old times. Suddenly my blog of yesterday seemed a bit irrelevant. I once more felt young, with things to do & people to see. Maybe life isn't growing to a full stop so quickly after all.

Growing old

Tomorrow we're off to the hospital - 6 week review since the stroke. My, it seems a long 6 weeks! Hopefully we'll come back with some answers, though we both suspect we'll be told they can't say anything for definite as each person acts & reacts differently. We're just hoping for some light to be shed, to have an idea, for example, whether the Fox should try to build up his exercise or not. He still finds the walk to the Post Office around the corner & back, very tiring. So should he try walking a shorter distance at first & try each day to extend the distance? It would be helpful to know.

I have to say I'm beginning to agree with the Fox's mother, this getting old business is not much fun. I try to remind myself of the Fox's reply, "I  don't like the alternative". 

Increasingly I find friends & family are getting more creaky, if not dying. I can certainly see why most people didn't survive to collect their old age pension when the retirement age was first set. I, for one, wouldn't have been here. I'm sure my bout of cancer would have killed me. I wonder how the Fox would be now without his pile of modern medicines. Life certainly seems more precarious once you near 50. The NHS & all its services become more prominent features of life. The need to rely on other people grows.

All this sounds downbeat. Maybe it's just that yesterday I read of one dear friend's colonoscopy ordeal. I was also told our temporary home help has just got her appointment for an angiogram. She's about 51, not old.

No, I hold onto the fact some things can still be enjoyed. I still love to watch the birds, & other wildlife, in the garden. Love to see the flowers open, even if they are daisies & dandelions in the lawn. Can still enjoy a good meal. Indulge in a bottle of wine, with some good music & the Fox's company. Pleasure in small things seems to increase, as big things become too taxing. Life can still be good.

Preparing for our travels once more

I've been on the phone most of the morning. My cousin Trudy is having a golden wedding celebration in June & we're invited.

The party will be down Stoke way, where they live. So first I rang a nearby hotel. I've managed to book a wheelchair accessible room for three nights. The party is to be on the Saturday evening but we've decided to go on the Thursday. That way if the Fox finds the travelling too tiring we can rest up a bit on the Friday to give him chance to recover. It will our longest journey since his stroke & the first stay away. He often finds holidays tiring as he usually ends up doing more pushing me around etc. We're hoping if we allow plenty of time, the trip will be relatively stress-free.

Then I rang my cousin Trudy to let her know we were coming & where I'd booked us in. It seems it's her son's regular eating out place, which sounds hopeful. With a bit of luck we should be able to get a decent meal there on Thursday evening. I gather we're to arrive at the party before most guests to ensure I can be settled into a comfy chair while there still are chairs available. Trudy & Bill are keeping their fingers crossed for some sunshine for that weekend.

After that I rang my cousin Ann, another branch of the family, who also lives in Stoke. She & her husband have also been invited. She's decided we want to lunch with her & her husband, Derek, on the Friday. She's going to book a table ready for us. We're then to go to their place for a bit of the afternoon. They moved house just before Christmas & are still proudly showing off their new home. So much for a quiet Friday. Still I'm confident they will understand if we don't feel up to much & just want a rest. Ann is a retired nurse so she appreciates the implications of a stroke.

All in all it sound as though it should be a good weekend, with much catching up on family news. I'm now just hoping it isn't going to be too tiring for us. It will certainly be a change of scene for us and we're both looking forward to it immensely. 

A gala meal out

So yesterday I got the ironing done in the morning. I even planted out a dozen petunia plants we'd bought the day before to bring a bit of colour to the garden. In the afternoon the Fox went to the barber's, then we had our lie down. It didn't stop us from being tired. Personally I was almost too tired to eat. By the time I got to the desserts I'd almost ground to a halt, not because they didn't look delicious, or I wasn't hungry, but because I was just feeling too tired to make the effort to eat them. I felt more like just putting my head down & sleeping. Then the Fox suddenly suggested going to pay. His leg was beginning to bother him again. I hastily finished my desserts, hoping he felt up to the drive home, because I doubted I was in any state to do so. Once home it was a mug of tea & bed for me. The time? We left the Pub around 9.30pm, not unduly late for a night out.

As for the meal, it came beautifully presented. Some of it was delicious, some a bit over the top or just not quite made it. 

The menu? We started with canapes These turned out to be warm pork & black pudding sausage rolls & deep-fried risotto balls. The cold canapes were mini bagels filled with cream cheese & smoked salmon, little pastries topped with pate,a cherry tomato topped creamy thing. We were each presented with a glass of sparkling pinot grigio rose wine (rather bland to our minds) & a bottle of a sparkling mineral water for the table.

The next course was a guinea fowl terrine, served with salad leaves on a coleslaw base, a fruity marmalade/chutney and a warm fruit brioche. Lin & I both found the brioche too sweet for the terrine & would have preferred a simple piece of toast. The brioche was good & would have been a delight for afternoon tea, just not with the terrine.

Then came the sorbet. Mojito sorbet. We think we were all converted to mojitos. It was all a sorbet should be - light,  creamy & refreshing. The biscuit it was presented on crisp.

Onto the main course. This was lamb fillet slices on hotpot potatoes, a few spinach leaves, & a tomato jus. The meat had been cooked as a joint, then coated in chopped mint. The green looked so fresh against the pinkiness of the tender meat & tasted it too. The tower was topped with a piece of lamb sweetbread. None of us had ever had sweetbread. PD loved it. The rest of us were more dubious.

Then came the desserts. Each plate came with five desserts, each little more than a couple of mouthfuls. There was a sticky toffee pudding & custard, warm of course. Neither the Fox or I are great fans of sticky toffee pudding, finding it too sweet & rather sickly, but these were something else. So light. Sweet but not cloyingly so. In the middle of the plate was a scoop of ice cream wafered in between hand-made tuile biscuits. I've no idea what the flavour was. It was a pinky fawn colour. The consistency was perfect, very creamy. There was also a slice of custard tart, with plenty of nutmeg on top. Then there was the mini pavlova type dessert. The meringue at the base was crisp, above was soft, a thin bit of whipped cream, topped with strawberries. Then there was the very rich chocolate mousse, kept in shape by a thin teardrop of plain chocolate - a delight to the eye but a bit rich for the Fox & I. 

Finally on the table was a bowl of Thornton's chocolates to fill any remaining holes.


And all this just for £25 & some of that going to CancerResearch charity. Great value. I just wish I'd felt more up to appreciating it more.


Today Mrs B is having her birthday bash at the Pub. I can't see us going. Right now I feel more like going to sleep than more socialising. We'll see when the afternoon comes. Maybe we'll both feel a bit brighter by then. I suspect it will just be pushing things too much.

Still tired

It's big shop day. Admittedly it doesn't look like too big a shop - a case of a few big items rather than a lot of little ones. I'm hoping the Fox is going to manage. After the events of Saturday, the Fox is once more feeling drained & having a tendency to drag his leg along. 

Yesterday we did go to the Pub. I'm not sure which he found worse, Dick Gobble's shocked "You look very tired!" or Linda's overwhelming sympathy. Either way he ended up feeling greyer. We'll just have to see how the shopping goes.

We're still hoping for that meal tomorrow. We're telling ourselves, with an afternoon lie down, we should be able to make it. I'm rather concerned as the Pub is not the most wheelchair-friendly place. In the afternoon I can manage the walk from the door, where the Fox usually drops me, to a seat in the bar we usually use. There's no steps. But the eating area involves steps & I will have to be in my wheelchair to cover the distance, especially at that time of day. Although the Pub has said the staff will lend a hand, the Fox is reluctant to accept he has to ask for the help. And as for the loos, that's down even more steps, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll not have to go - not particularly relaxing for a nice evening out.

Meanwhile, I see this morning, the wood-pigeon is still taking twiggery into the hedge. I have visions of the dove Noah sent off that returned with an olive twig in its beak. A sign of good things to come? Hope so, we could do with a change in our fortunes at the moment.

Nest builders

I'm in the midst of preparing today's dinner - mince & potato patties. For the uninitiated, this involves making some mashed potato nests, filling them with some minced beef cooked in a very thick gravy, shaping the mash over the beef making a patty shape which is then breadcrumbed - a bit of a faff but worth it when you bite into the innocuous-looking golden breadcrumb shape to discover the minced beef oozing out of the middle.

Anyhow, I'd just made the nests, ready to fill, when I turn to wash my hands & my eyes stray through the window above the sink. Clearly I'm not the only nest builder today. Into the hedge opposite dives a wood-pigeon, twig in beak. It looks as though the wood-pigeons have decided this is such a wonderful location they've decided to build their new home here & try to raise a family.

Last night, while we were eating the Fox had noted a large bird entering the hedge. My back was to that window so I didn't see. He'd recognised it as a pigeon. I was surprised that one of the feral pigeons should have gone into the hedge. They don't normally. But now I suspect it was the wood-pigeon reconnoitering the territory for building. I wish them well & look forward to seeing some young before so very long.

Lifestyle changes

Life is going to have to change, but how? That is the question.

Yesterday, in the midst of cooking, I accidentally knocked over a tub of oil. The Fox rushed to clean up. By the time he'd cleaned up & I'd finished cooking the dinner, the Fox was on the verge of another stroke. His hand was once more tingling, his leg dead, his appetite gone. He just hadn't been able to cope with the stress involved.


Accidents will inevitably happen. That's an unfortunate part of life, but we've got establish a lifestyle that is less taxing every day on the Fox. It has to be admitted looking after a disabled person is a physically & emotionally demanding occupation. That's why so many carers end up ruining their own health in looking after their loved ones. Much as I try to minimise my demands & make sure the Fox feels appreciated, it doesn't alter the stress involved. Equally, with the best will in the world, I'm not in a position to help much.

The problem is that getting people in to help physically doesn't stop the stress. It just causes a different sort of stress. So we're back to the question of how can we reduce the stress on the Fox.


One thing we are convinced about is that less visits to the Pub would help. It's an eight mile drive there & back, & now that the Fox is driving once more he is aware of just how tiring that drive can be. While we are there, we usually spend time with PD. At times I think we almost assume the role of carers for PD as he tries to cope with his depressive illness. Certainly being with others does require a surprising amount of effort. Some of the time I'm convinced we would both benefit more if we'd just stayed at home & maybe had a nap, at least taken it easy. Certainly it would give us more time to get other, essential, chores done such as food shopping.

As I said the other day, I at present feel pretty shattered. At least part of it was the somewhat later than planned meal on Monday. Although it was nice to see friends & to have no cooking & washing up to do, that extra lateness has taken a toll on both of us. We're both feeling very, very tired. We're supposed to be going out for a meal on Thursday with PD & his wife Lin, Den & Fran. The table isn't even booked until 7.30pm & we're beginning to think this is just asking for trouble as far as our stamina is concerned. The meal is supposed to be going to be something special. A chef from the renowned Sharrow Bay Hotel is cooking & it is in aid of CancerCare, a good cause. But we're beginning to think we would be wiser to back out of it, much as we would like to go.

Neither the Fox nor I are very good at just relaxing. I wish we knew the answer. I suspect that taking things a bit easier would help us both, even if we can't exactly relax, put our feet up, do nothing, & feel happy. I long ago came to the conclusion, as far as I was concerned, the secret is to focus on those things which really give you pleasure & satisfaction, & let the rest pass you by. Other people can do those things for you if they're really necessary, but more often than not they're not that necessary at all. One thing's for certain - we've got to get a better balance, for both our sakes.