Hope & the end of hope

On Friday the phone rang. Christie’s hospital, Manchester, concerning my referral to them. They are contemplating taking me on. I now have a phone appointment with them in the new year. They have various potential trials I may be appropriate for. They want to find out more about me & my medical history to decide which is the most appropriate. They will tell me about the trials & the risks involved then. Meanwhile my oncologist here should go ahead & treat me in the way he usually would.

 

I hastily rang Kendal to tell them to go ahead with the CT scan. If I am taken on, Christie’s would like a copy of the scan then.

 

I then told the Fox he was overjoyed. I felt like a damp blanket, telling him this may not be a cure. I may be put on a placebo rather than a new wonder treatment. However, there is a possibility of an improvement whereas, my present treatment i.e. ever stronger painkillers, gives none.

 

My spirits were dampened yesterday when I rang my cousin, the one with pancreatic cancer, to be answered by one of her daughters. My cousin is in hospital & not expected to live through the weekend.

 

I also rang a friend, whose Christmas card had been written by her daughter, telling us our friend had had a hip replacement in October & her mother is now on palliative care. I wasn’t surprised when the phone was answered by the daughter. Her mother is now so bad she’d been in bed permanently for the last three days & is on morphine. Apparently the op went fine. Unfortunately it caused a blockage in her mother’s throat to grow. By now it totally blocks her throat & she is unable to swallow solid food. I knew our friend had always eaten very small portions. She’s never said it was due to a blockage. We just assumed it was lack of appetite & she was just a nibbler. She never had the blockage investigated. It sounds as though she, too, has cancer. The annoying thing is that if she’d just had it checked out earlier she may have avoided her present situation. Another bit of me says that, as she is in her late 80s, something would probably have got her by now anyhow. Her three children have set up a rota so on of them is with her at all times so she should have her wish & be able to die at home.