Anxious

 

The pie is under way. The ham & mushroom filling is cooling, the puff pastry thawing. When I’m finished here I’ll put the two together.

 

Our days, like so many others in this area, is overshadowed by anxiety at the moment. We’ve been told the government are going to make some announcement on Monday concerning the tightening of restrictions of movement etc. in the strategy to try to control Covid-19.

 

Life may be limited now. I hate having to wear masks all the time when we go into shops, pubs, clubs etc. but at least we can go to those places. We may not be able to invite friends to our home & garden but we can at least join them for a drink or meal out provided we stay socially distanced. Is everything going to be closed down now? Or will only the fun places be closing e.g. the pubs, clubs & restaurants? We’ve arranged a couple of nights away before so long. Is the hotel still going to be open? Will we be able to eat & drink in the restaurant & bars? Or will we be stuck in our room, waiting for food & drink to be delivered like we’re some sort of prisoners, not allowed anywhere else as we were just before shut down in March? We’re both feeling the strain & I’m sure our friends are too. I just wish the government would just make the announcement & not bother with an announcement of the announcement.

 

The real iniquity is that although the north-west of England has a high Covid-19 rate, this particular area is not, but we get lumped in with cities such as Preston, Liverpool & Manchester. Even Lancaster, with its university, is higher than here.

 

On top of that I should get the results of last week’s CT scan later this week. Then I will know how far the cancer has spread & what is next to happen. After last week’s ill-effects I’m expecting at least a change of type of chemo. Or have I now got to the stage where there is no hope of controlling the cancer?

 

All this anxiety is having an ill-effect on both of us. We’re both so tired, yet remain too anxious to sleep properly. On top of which the Fox has shrunk his appetite once more – another cause of concern – and one of the eczema blisters on his foot has burst & doesn’t seem to be healing even after a couple of weeks. He’s doing his best to keep it clean & disinfect it but he’s beginning to come to the conclusion he needs to see a doctor about it. There’s a very big red angry-looking area around the actual raw skin. All this adds to our worries.

 

When will it all end?