Bad day

Yesterday was bad day. It started well enough. I quickly made some Corned Beef Cutlets, ready to fry up later for dinner. Our gardener arrived & seemed in good humour. I got the ironing done. Then after the gardener had left, as it was warm & sunny, I went to sit outside to read & puzzle a bit.

 

That’s when I realised it had definitely begun again. I had noticed the odd silvery hair among my jigsaw pieces. Now it was clear I was once more losing my hair rapidly. Every time I brushed my hand through my hair a handful of hair came out with it.

 

I was just adjusting to this idea, when the Fox called me to tell me the phone was bleeping. Sure enough it had been hospital. My blood counts are even worse. I got the wrong name for what was wrong last time. It is the neutrophil count. For me to be well, the count had to be over one. Last week it was 0.9, not too bad; this week it is 0.5. This means my immunity system is severely compromised so it’s another week with no treatment.

 

This is against a background where I am aware the cancer is growing rapidly. When I was first diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in July, I had one large & two small lumps. Now the large lump is fast spreading so it remains a similar height but spreads almost from my collar bone to halfway to my armpit. As for the small ones, there are now four of them. On top of that the pain is increasing. It is getting harder to turn my neck or use my left arm e.g. for pushing myself in my wheelchair around the supermarket, without getting very uncomfortable. Not having treatment is putting no curb on the growth & spread of the cancer.

 

As my blood count is so low the hospital reckons there is no point in bringing forward next week’s appointment with oncology. They daren’t give me any more chemo as I am. They are hoping next week’s bloods will show I’m on an upward trend once more. At the meeting they will discuss the idea of trying a weaker dose, try something else or I will just have to accept I’m dying & possibly get some stronger painkillers. We’ll just have to see how it goes.