Grey

The last couple of days have been so dark you’ve needed the lights on all day to read. Outside it rains.

 

Over the weekend we’ve been discussing the idea of an overnight stay when we go down to Manchester for my visit to Christie’s. I managed to find a couple of hotels that were open only for essential workers & those with good reason for travel, not holidaymakers. I think we would come into that category.

 

However, since then, we’ve heard so many reports about the increased spread of the virus & wonder if it is such a wise idea. Staying in a hotel inevitably involves meeting others, even if socially distanced. Since most places aren’t serving food, that also means popping to a takeaway for a meal & in the process being near more people. If we drive down on the day, the only people we should meet en route are each other & that meeting is unavoidable. What is more we would still have to be up early in a hotel as there is a need to pack & sort out key arrangements before leaving. So it’s a very early morning for us.

 

Various friends have suggested coming around to see us. I keep pointing out it is now illegal to make unnecessary journeys. Since none of them live within walking distance of us they can hardly justify visiting us as either part of their daily exercise or as essential, wonderful as it would be to see them. And anyhow I don’t feel we can invite them into our home or garden. To chat any length of time on the doorstep is just either too cold or too wet & sometimes both. We shall just have to keep in touch by phone & hope to see them as spring comes along. It is reassuring to hear at least the older among them are now getting their vaccines. I wonder when ours will come.

 

Meanwhile two more appointments have come through from Oncology at Kendal hospital. They’re clearly keeping an eye on me even if there isn’t much treatment they can actually offer me.

 

Busy time

We’ve been busy the last few days.

 

Thursday saw us off to collect our new car. She’s similar to what we had before only she’s blue, a fairly dark blue. She seems to have a lot more space inside but that’s at the cost of storage space. For example the glove compartment slopes away from your legs but at the price of being smaller, less room to put your things in out of sight. We’re still trying to find out how the various knobs & buttons work. So far we’ve managed to adjust the wing mirrors, get Classic FM on the radio, work out how to use the Satnav. Fortunately lights, wipers, etc. are automatic.

 

Friday saw us off to Kendal once more, this time in our new car. The trip was to remove my PICC line. (It made sleeping on my right side so much easier last night.) It was blowing a blizzard most of the way there & back. The fields were white. In places children were sledging on the slopes. Farleton Fell, usually a clear landmark not far away on the east side of the motorway, disappeared in the mist & falling white curtain. It was all very pretty. I love it when the snow is just thick enough to outline the shape of tree boughs.

 

Next week we have another trip to look forward to. We’re off to Manchester, to Christie’s hospital. The appointment is for 9am. I’m hoping we can find some accommodation open in the closedown where we can stay, otherwise it’s going to be a very early morning for us that day. I’m telling myself some flights are still flying so surely some of the hotels that primarily deal with flying passengers & crew should be open. Let’s hope so. I’ll beginning the hunt after this.

 

Down & up

Yesterday proved to be a downer. After being on the phone for the best part of an hour with Christie’s, going through my medical history, my medication, my family history of cancer, an explanation of the stage & risks of their tests, they finally decided I was not an appropriate candidate because I had had cervical cancer some 20 years ago. If that’s the only reason they could have told me that far earlier in the conversation.

 

They do still want to see me, but for a different scheme. They would like to do some scans, possibly biopsies, to try to solve the question of why cancer cells start to expand in the way they do. There will be no treatment, just scanning. There is just an outside possibility that after they’ve got all the results, in about 8 weeks’ time, they will be in a position to offer me some more active test. I’ve agreed to do it, though I am extremely dubious about the question of whether, in 8-10 weeks’ time, I will be in much of a state to receive any treatment. Or if I’ll even want to bother. Hopefully by then both of us will have received our anti-Covid vaccine, & as things open up with the spring, be ready for a holiday in this beautiful country instead. We’ll see.

 

The Fox tends to think, that on paper, I sound like a wreck. I have, or have had, so many things wrong with me. The reality is that people meeting me, think I’m in good health, full of energy & incredibly fit, even though I am disabled, with a strong determination & positive attitude to get through anything. He’s hoping when Christie’s actually see me they may change their minds. I’m not holding out any such hopes.

 

Now I turn to other, nicer things, like our new car. I’m going to phone the garage to check we are still allowed to collect the car during the lockdown. If we are, the Fox can get down to clearing out all our rubbish from our present car. I’m also going to ring the hospital to sort out some new knee braces. My present ones are beginning to disintegrate. I’m already awaiting an appointment for the removal of the PICC line. That will be a relief – to be able to sleep on my right, fairly cancer free side, without having that sticking into me or being afraid I might accidentally pull it out in my sleep. And, first of all, I’ve started to get the Christmas decorations down & put all that behind us for another year.