The siege

I have just finished reading my latest novel. Maybe I should have said I’ve just finished re-reading my latest novel. It is “The Siege” by Helen Dunmore & it is the tale of the first year of the siege of Leningrad during the First World War. It is maybe appropriate to finish it today, on the 75th anniversary of VJ Day & the final end of World War II.

 

At the end of the novel, spring breaks forth after the harsh winter temperatures in which so many people starved or froze to death. A family is walking along. They see the first shoots of dandelions & nettles & hasten to pick them for food & plenty of vitamins.

 

Nature is amazing. After the nightmare of that year, a winter of sub-zero days & nights, life still goes on as though nothing extraordinary has happened. Weeds, or are they weeds now they’re so wanted, still grow. Just as here, throughout the shutdown, you couldn’t help being aware of how much louder the birds sang throughout the time of the virus. Spring still sprang. Summer has bloomed. Already the first signs of autumn are appearing. There is still so much to celebrate in nature, always there despite everything.

 

Yesterday was an up & down day for me personally. Our gardener came. I thought I’d trim around the lawns but soon gave up. It was just too painful as my arm or chin brushed against the cancerous lumps around the base of my neck. It was dismaying. It was with relief I found was still able to cook come the evening. The curry was made. It was good to have something other than salad. However, today it is pretty hot already so I’ve abandoned the idea of cooking some potatoes for a hot chicken meal tonight. We’re back to salad again.

 

Then last night I went to bed. The lumps looked bigger than ever as I glanced in the bathroom mirror as I was preparing for bed. I spent until after 3am tossing & turning, in agony, despite taking stronger painkillers. I’m now positively looking forward to next week & starting chemo. I just hope it brings some relief. If it just reduces the pain a bit it will be worth it.