Friday, 27 December 2019

Anxious


It will be another day at the hospital. This time I have two appointments, one for a blood let & one to see the oncology specialist.

I confess to being nervous about the latter. The principle purpose of the meeting is to get the results of the CT scan I had last week.

 One part of me is looking forward to the confirmation that the tumour has shrunk sufficiently that they will be able to safely operate early in 2020. Certainly on a superficial level the tumour has disappeared.

The other part of me remembers being told that as long as the cancer was in the lymph nodes it was possible that it could spread to another organ. It is noticeable that it was a full body scan to check that there were no signs elsewhere. Although I can’t say I’ve found any new lumps, it doesn’t stop me fearing the cancer may have spread. With my family history I am convinced that ultimately cancer will kill me. This is my third bout. Is it to be my final fight? We’ll soon discover.

So fingers crossed as we go off to the hospital. I'm trying to convince myself that it is just the greyness of the day that's making me so gloomy.

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