Feeling low

I seem to have been a downer this week. I thought I was regaining my bounce but it seems to have gone away again. I made the mistake of looking on-line about the implications of too much calcium in the blood. There’s the obvious osteoporosis. More concerning to me, is that it is a sign of possible pancreatitis, a very uncomfortable complaint I’ve had once before & would never wish it on my worst enemy, kidney disease (a sign the Chronic Kidney Disease is back perhaps?) or even a tumour, most likely breast cancer. I feel I’m having to cope once more with the idea of a lot more medical intervention, not to mention more worry. It just seems to be one thing after another. It’s only been since our recent French holiday that I’ve begun to feel more relaxed, more myself, more on top of things & now more problems are about to begin again. Ultimately I think that’s why I’m so low.

It didn’t help when, on Thursday, we went to collect the lights we’d ordered on my birthday earlier in the month. Today, the Fox’s birthday, we’re taking them back. It isn’t that we don’t like them per se, rather we don’t like them in our lounge. The LED lights are too bright, too coldly glaring, too blue. There’s no way to dim them a bit short of draping some dark cloth over them. I wouldn’t mind so much if, on second viewing I didn’t like them, but I do. We just can’t cope with them in our softly lit lounge. So it’s back with the lamps, & back to the hunt.

The third thing to have gone wrong this week is that we started the process of organising a holiday in Italy – we’re determined to get to Lake Garda for that holiday last year that ended up being cancelled due to the collapse of Monarch Airways. We’re hoping to go in September, a boost just before my next bit of chemo in October. Yesterday we got a phone call from the travel agents – our first choice hotel has no disabled rooms left for the dates we want to go. The agency is now trying our second choice hotel. We wait. The wait doesn’t give me much sense of cheer.

Still the sun is shining this morning, so it can’t be all bad. It just seems to be difficult to accept that is the case sometimes. Maybe the meal out we’re having to celebrate the Fox’s birthday will boost my morale.