In a dither

I’m not quite sure what I’m doing today. To some extent that is the case every day. I like a certain level of spontaneity in life. However, one thing I always decide on the day before is what I am doing about food for my main meal. Today I do not know.

I usually decide the day before so I can get food out of the freezer, if necessary, in time for it to thaw completely for me to use in the morning. Things that are quick thawing, or need little preparation I will leave until midday. I’m not a great believer in using the defrost setting on either the microwave or the oven, except in an emergency. It seems a waste of energy, of electricity, to thaw something which will thaw anyhow at room temperature, or in the fridge, if you just give it time.

I also accept that no matter what I intend to cook, it doesn’t alter the fact that plans can get disrupted, especially when you are disabled with a variable condition. I can’t ever be entirely sure what I will feel up to later in any day.

Anyhow, most days when I get up I know whether & what the Fox is intending to cook, whether & what I intend to cook, whether we intend to eat out. None of this do I know today. Why?

The next thing on the freezer list is some leftover cooked pork. It’s an odd quantity. I’ve not got many recipes using leftover pork. The obvious answer is to do something like Friands à la Viande, a sort of French pasty. However it uses pastry which includes a French raising agent which once wet starts to expand. This means I cannot really make it in the morning, leave it in the fridge & cook it in the evening. I could cook it in the morning & re-heat it, but then the filling is just pork & egg, & I suspect the egg would harden unpleasantly if the pasty is twice cooked. The dilemma lies in the fact I don’t know if I will be up to cooking this evening & the Fox couldn’t take over this meal. He doesn’t like making & rolling pastry.

I could use the pork in a curry but we had curry yesterday, a prawn one expertly made by the Fox. I think we need a change of flavour for today.

I look at my freezer list. Lower down I see Lancastrian burgers – burgers made from Cumberland sausage meat & black pudding. Maybe that’s the solution. It would be quick & easy to do. I could make the pork curry on Tuesday instead.

I think the real problem is just that I’m overtired. I can’t focus my mind. Yesterday I sat down to write a blog. I looked at the empty screen & realised my mind was as blank as the screen in front of me. Usually I have a few ideas. It’s just a case of deciding which one to go with. Admittedly sometimes it is just a reassuring note to let friends & family know we’re still alive & kicking, a bit of a catch-up note.

Saturday I crashed out for an 11-hour sleep. Last night, equally exhausted feeling, I lay awake, eyes wide open listening to the radio, most of the night. I suspect there is an element of anxiety, too, in that the Work-related Interview is due this week. I’ve rung the Jobcentre, pointed out the futility of the exercise as I am appealing on the basis that I should be in the Support group, and also my difficulty in even getting to the Jobcentre to attend the interview. Their answer is to insist I talk to them but they will happily do it over the phone, so that’s one call I’m not looking forward to. I suspect if I can appear to cope with the phone call they will conclude I could do telephone sales or something like that.

I’m not sure the Fox is doing any better than me. He seems a bit off-colour without having specific symptoms beyond weariness. I remain convinced we need that holiday. The brief staycation, seeing "Les Mis" & dining out, bucked our spirits up but had no lasting effect. We need to go to Kendal for a meeting next week. We’re contemplating booking a hotel there while we’re at it & have a few days break, a change of scene. Meanwhile I have made enquiries about access & availability at the hotel in the Italian Lakes area for a break in the spring. We await the results. A couple of weeks away from the stresses of home, hopefully with a bit of warm sunshine, will maybe set us up for the summer ahead.

Meanwhile I’ve peeled some spuds, always a good start. What we have with them, I can decide later. Maybe seeing Angie, my home carer, will help me decide.