A lift to the spirits

I love days like this. The sky is pure blue. The light gleams on everything. The whites of the snowdrops & golds & purples of the crocuses shine out, heralding the spring to come.  It’s very cold but then that’s what winter is about. The frost has now melted wherever the sun reaches it. The cold you can wrap up against. We’re in the fortunate position of not having to worry unduly about the cost of having the heating on. The birds are busily diving to & from the bird table and feeders. All in all, it’s the sort of day, when joy springs to my soul. It feels good to be alive.

Maybe it’s partially things are starting to sort themselves out. The Fox has made a breakthrough with Saga. It finally looks as though we’re managing to get somewhere on arranging the Italian holiday. You never know we might even get there in May as we’d hoped.

Meanwhile I’ve been looking at a few other holiday destinations for later in the year. We’re working on the theory that if we’ve booked, we may actually go and not be deterred by the problems at home. It may be a case of taking it quiet while we’re away, but at least we should get away from home pressures for a bit.

I’m also reading a book which lifts my spirits. It’s set in wine-making country in the north of Italy. I’ve not read far but it definitely looks hopeful of being a good read. I can’t help being struck again that a vineyard is one thing I would hate. The stress of timing the harvest when the fruit is at optimum ripeness, then all the stress of transforming the grapes into a palatable wine is quite something, more than I could cope with. And that’s not to mention all the worry with weather etc as the fruit grow through the summer months. No, I have no aspiration to grow my own vines, though the idea of drinking the results does appeal.

Still at the moment I’m still off the wine, and any other alcohol, for a few months at least. The only way I’m consuming is in the cooking providing I am confident the alcohol is burnt off. So, for example, the Fox is making a Beef Stroganoff for dinner tonight & I’ve authorised him to use some brandy. The stroganoff is cooking for 6 hours or so in Big Ears, our slow cooker. I cannot believe much alcohol will be left after that length of time, though hopefully a boost should have been given to the flavour of the meal. I’m looking forward to it.

A few days away

We’re home again after our brief stay in Kendal. We feel surprisingly refreshed. We didn’t do much. We actually went up to Kendal on Thursday for a meeting in the afternoon. After the meeting we made our way up to the hotel.

Having checked in, we popped along to the pub on site for a while, before dinner in the hotel. We dined both days in the hotel. It just seemed too much bother to go out to look for somewhere else, especially when it felt freezing cold outside.

On Friday, after a substantial breakfast, we ventured over to Windermere to Lakeland, the kitchen equipment suppliers. We needed a few things we prefer from there. We found the shop disappointing. It seems to have grown over the years. When it first opened we were excited, like kids in a sweet shop, but these days we just feel overwhelmed. We hastily got what we were looking for & returned back to the hotel. Most of the rest of the day was spent napping, reading, chuntering. In other words we did nothing much, just relaxed in the comfort of having nothing much to worry about.

Saturday saw us homeward bound. As we headed south sleet began to fall. We couldn’t help thinking we were glad to be heading home. It’s amazing what a couple of days away can do for you. We had contemplated staying an extra night but decided against the idea, especially when we saw they were clearly preparing for a big wedding on the Saturday. For us, a couple of nights were enough. We resolved to do this sort of thing more often.

I wasn’t even too put out when we got home to find another incomprehensible letter from the Department of Works & Pensions (DWP). I rang them yesterday to get an explanation. It seems the letter was the decision on the second application form I filled in in January. Again they’ve put me in the Work Related Group. As far as I can see they just checked I hadn’t gained any new problems & rubber-stamped the previous decision. They didn’t even give me a medical this time. I do not have to appeal this one. They reckon if I get the decision on the first application changed in the way I think it should be, this later decision will be amended accordingly. We’ll see.

Meanwhile we’re getting back to our daily lives & routines with a greater will, even relish. As I say, amazing what a few days away can do.  

Loose end

I’m feeling at something of a loose end. The Fox is doing dinner tonight – a lasagne with Parma ham instead of minced beef. He’s made it in Big Ears, our slow cooker, the first time either of us has tried cooking pasta in it. My jigsaw is finished, but I always like the Fox to see it complete before I take it apart & start a new one. If the sun was shining & the temperature a bit higher, I might be tempted to tidy the front garden ready for the spring, but we’re back to grey skies. It’s been lovely to see the first snowdrops & crocuses opening up in the recent sunshine. I don’t want to read much as otherwise I’ll be bookless when we go away. So what to do? I’ve finally decided to come on-line.

The meeting yesterday went well. I wish the interviews with ATOS & other benefit agencies, could be as relaxed as those with Social Services. It seems we will probably get an increase in the number of respite vouchers we’ll be getting this year, rather than less.

Meanwhile we wait to hear from Italy….

An unexpected call

I’d just got the curry to the plop – it’s Chicken & Cranberry Curry for dinner tonight – when the phone rings. It’s Social Services.

Every Monday, Angie, comes to clean for us, along with generally chatting to boost my sometimes waning morale. She is paid for with respite vouchers from Social Services. It’s renewal time yet again. This time Social Services have decided they need to visit before re-issuing vouchers. They didn’t bother last year but I suppose it’s not surprising they should feel the need to check how we’re managing.

So this afternoon, before we do the food shop, we’ll be seeing this lady from Social Services, let her know my health has only deteriorated since they last saw me nearly two years ago & that the Fox’s health since his stroke has not miraculously improved.

I just hope we get the vouchers. I know Social Services are trying to make cut-backs to save money. I was surprised we managed to get our vouchers renewed as easily as we did last year.

We would be loathe to manage without Angie. I suspect we would have to find a cleaner at least, probably cheaper than a care worker as Angie is, & pay for her out of our own pockets. I suspect the day the Fox had to go to Kendal to do his Speed Awareness course last summer, we should have arranged a care worker to come to be with me at least some of the time. I was certainly very relieved when the Fox got back home.

 It’s an expensive business being disabled! As it is we have to pay for a gardener. Keeping that tidy is way beyond our abilities. I’m hard-pushed to even get to the far end of the garden, let alone do any work when I've got there. The Fox isn’t much better.

We’ll just have to see how it goes. At least it will be a quick dinner when we get back from the shopping. That's something.

Getting sorted

On Saturday I rang up the hotel we fancied in Kendal to see if they had an accessible room. They had. They admitted the shower was one over the bath but I was welcome to use the wet room in the fitness part of the hotel for my shower. Personally I think I can manage without a shower for a couple of days. For a couple of days I’m content provided I can get into the hotel & into the bedroom. A longer holiday is a different matter.

Meanwhile the Fox has taken over tying to sort out the Italian holiday, to my relief. He tried tackling Saga to be told to ring back midweek. They could phone the hotel that day. Since then, he read my last blog & has come to the same conclusion as I have. Saga is just giving us the run around. So he’s sent an e-mail direct to the hotel to see if there’s an accessible room available & to book it.

Whilst he was on-line he looked at a few customer reviews of the hotel. On the whole they were very complimentary. The one adverse criticism is “The big mistake is to book through Saga”. It sounds as though other people have had a similar experience to us.

Saga was refusing to organise the flight or transfers anyway. That being so we might as well go fully independent.  We can’t see why they couldn’t organise the flight. For this hotel they only booked flights to Verona from Gatwick. We preferred to go from Manchester as it’s so much nearer & more convenient for us, living in the north of England as we do. Saga does fly from Manchester to Verona for another hotel at that time of year so why couldn’t they book a seat for us, even though we were going to a different one of their hotels? Incomprehensible to me.

As for the transfers, as I can’t get on the average coach - it has to have a ramp/lift/be a low loader for my wheelchair – we always have to organise the transfers unless we’re going with an accessible travel organisation. Our usual solution is to hire the car we want for getting around on holiday from the airport. We did use the airport bus at Nice where it was wonderfully accessible, but that was very much the exception to the rule.

 So now we await the answer from the hotel. I just hope it works out well. I feel a lot happier about the prospects for not having to use Saga.

Meanwhile I’m hoping to enjoy the gloriously sunny, if freezing cold, day ahead & look forward to a couple of stress-free days in Kendal later in the week.

That holiday

I’ve just about given up on this Italian holiday. The company who arranges it, Saga, have now taken about 2 weeks to organise it & have still not yet established whether there is a wheelchair accessible room available at the sort of time we’re interested in going.

After the first week they did ring back to check why I needed a wheelchair accessible shower. I would have thought that was obvious, but I explained yet again I am wheelchair user so need a shower with  some grab handles & a seat in it, preferably with a flat entrance, though I could probably manage a slight lip in. Silence is all there’s been since. The Fox keeps telling me I should give them a ring, but I can’t help thinking it’s too much hassle when they clearly don’t want our custom.

With this in mind we popped along to the travel agents again to get some brochures on the Italian lakes area. Now I have a different problem.

The brochures are full of fabulous-looking hotels. None of them give clear information about access. Without that, I’m wary of getting too excited about any destination in case it isn’t. I’m also feeling a bit overwhelmed by the sheer number of exciting places & no real criteria on which to make a decision.

I’m slowly ploughing through the websites of various hotels. I can’t help thinking life would be so much easier if they would all clearly state if they had adapted rooms, or rooms that were at least potentially useable by a person with limited mobility.

So far I’ve not found one that excites me as much as the Saga holiday did. I’ve not cancelled my provisional booking with them so we may yet be going with them if they would only get back to us.

Meanwhile we're planning that couple of  days away in Kendal. Maybe I'll be able to cope better with this holiday hunt after that.

A complete waste of time

The phone rang. It’s the Jobcentre. The dreaded work-focused interview took place.

It wasn’t as bad as I feared. As she had a record of the fact I had an appeal in for my ESA as well as a second application form under consideration, she wasn’t unduly pushy.

Instead she asked about my qualifications, previous jobs, any volunteer work etc. She also asked about my medical condition & the effect it has on my ability to work.

I think at the end of the day I persuaded her I was not against the idea of work. I have kept myself mentally alert as much as possible, but that doesn’t solve my physical problems or the causes of my mental ill-health.

In all honesty I get the impression she didn’t really think I was fit to work, given the level of medication I am on, as well as my physical & mental difficulties. Indeed she praised me for having done as much as I can & my flexibility on work type. Her only suggestion is a website where there is a possibility of finding some unpaid voluntary work which could be done on the computer from home in my home time. But she wasn’t pushy even on that.

She is going to send some written sheets on the sort of help the Jobcentre can offer that may be useful if my health were to improve. She will give me another ring some time in the future but it will probably be months down the line, when the decisions have been made on my applications for ESA. She does not expect me to actually apply for any jobs, training etc, instead just try to get out a bit more. Everything else she could suggest she seems to reckon I’m doing anyhow.

A complete waste of time in other words. If I seriously thought I could realistically do any work of any type, I would be seeking it. It’s just I am not fit to work now & am highly unlikely to get better in the future. As things are now, & since my condition is only deteriorating, are likely to be in the future, I should be in the Support group & not expected to work, and she should  not to be expected to try to help me back into the world of work. I told her that much last week when I got the interview changed to being by phone rather than in person. As I say a complete waste of her time as well as mine!

In a dither

I’m not quite sure what I’m doing today. To some extent that is the case every day. I like a certain level of spontaneity in life. However, one thing I always decide on the day before is what I am doing about food for my main meal. Today I do not know.

I usually decide the day before so I can get food out of the freezer, if necessary, in time for it to thaw completely for me to use in the morning. Things that are quick thawing, or need little preparation I will leave until midday. I’m not a great believer in using the defrost setting on either the microwave or the oven, except in an emergency. It seems a waste of energy, of electricity, to thaw something which will thaw anyhow at room temperature, or in the fridge, if you just give it time.

I also accept that no matter what I intend to cook, it doesn’t alter the fact that plans can get disrupted, especially when you are disabled with a variable condition. I can’t ever be entirely sure what I will feel up to later in any day.

Anyhow, most days when I get up I know whether & what the Fox is intending to cook, whether & what I intend to cook, whether we intend to eat out. None of this do I know today. Why?

The next thing on the freezer list is some leftover cooked pork. It’s an odd quantity. I’ve not got many recipes using leftover pork. The obvious answer is to do something like Friands à la Viande, a sort of French pasty. However it uses pastry which includes a French raising agent which once wet starts to expand. This means I cannot really make it in the morning, leave it in the fridge & cook it in the evening. I could cook it in the morning & re-heat it, but then the filling is just pork & egg, & I suspect the egg would harden unpleasantly if the pasty is twice cooked. The dilemma lies in the fact I don’t know if I will be up to cooking this evening & the Fox couldn’t take over this meal. He doesn’t like making & rolling pastry.

I could use the pork in a curry but we had curry yesterday, a prawn one expertly made by the Fox. I think we need a change of flavour for today.

I look at my freezer list. Lower down I see Lancastrian burgers – burgers made from Cumberland sausage meat & black pudding. Maybe that’s the solution. It would be quick & easy to do. I could make the pork curry on Tuesday instead.

I think the real problem is just that I’m overtired. I can’t focus my mind. Yesterday I sat down to write a blog. I looked at the empty screen & realised my mind was as blank as the screen in front of me. Usually I have a few ideas. It’s just a case of deciding which one to go with. Admittedly sometimes it is just a reassuring note to let friends & family know we’re still alive & kicking, a bit of a catch-up note.

Saturday I crashed out for an 11-hour sleep. Last night, equally exhausted feeling, I lay awake, eyes wide open listening to the radio, most of the night. I suspect there is an element of anxiety, too, in that the Work-related Interview is due this week. I’ve rung the Jobcentre, pointed out the futility of the exercise as I am appealing on the basis that I should be in the Support group, and also my difficulty in even getting to the Jobcentre to attend the interview. Their answer is to insist I talk to them but they will happily do it over the phone, so that’s one call I’m not looking forward to. I suspect if I can appear to cope with the phone call they will conclude I could do telephone sales or something like that.

I’m not sure the Fox is doing any better than me. He seems a bit off-colour without having specific symptoms beyond weariness. I remain convinced we need that holiday. The brief staycation, seeing "Les Mis" & dining out, bucked our spirits up but had no lasting effect. We need to go to Kendal for a meeting next week. We’re contemplating booking a hotel there while we’re at it & have a few days break, a change of scene. Meanwhile I have made enquiries about access & availability at the hotel in the Italian Lakes area for a break in the spring. We await the results. A couple of weeks away from the stresses of home, hopefully with a bit of warm sunshine, will maybe set us up for the summer ahead.

Meanwhile I’ve peeled some spuds, always a good start. What we have with them, I can decide later. Maybe seeing Angie, my home carer, will help me decide.

Surprises all the way

I’m just back from a trip on the Mean Machine, my mobility scooter, down to the fish shop. It’s smoked haddock for dinner today. We’re trying gnocchi, for the first time, I think.

As usual I went along the promenade. I go this way, partially on practical grounds as it means there’s no roads to cross, so there’s no drop kerbs to seek, but also on aesthetic grounds, in that I always love the view across the bay on one side, or up the cliffs on the other.

Where I first get onto the prom, the water was as still as a mill pond, grey & cold but very peaceful. Across the Bay, the land rose bluey grey, to disappear in a bank of cloud.

As I went along, I passed another bay from the main Morecambe Bay. Here the water came in in definite waves, all capped with white foam. You could hear them coming in, crashing down. Across the Bay the Lakeland fells have also changed. Now I could see some much craggier & higher fells, their contours emphasised by their coating of snow. The sun was highlighting them, making the whiteness glow.

On I go, a third bay. Now the water is gently lapping the beach, a comforting sound. A young child is paying with a ball, supervised closely by his parents. Across the Bay the lower half of the Lakeland fells are shrouded in mist. Above, though, you see the snow-laden caps – like some Chinese painting.

Each bay seemed to have had its own character, its own mood.

Returning home, I couldn’t help noticing the tide was changing. Now it was on its way out. Between the bays there are great limestone boulders deliberately placed there to break the force of the sea, to make flooding less likely. Now the boulders are covered with a black piping blanket. The oystercatchers have arrived in anticipation of plenty of food to be found in the freshly uncovered sands.

 

It was worth coming home with frozen hands to have seen all this beauty. It was also great to step inside to the warmth once more when home. Even then my surprises were not over.

In the garden, a few days ago I spotted some new avian visitors. One was back, sat on the trellis with his back to me. I can’t decide what he is. His back & wings are a definite brown, like a robin or a sparrow. His body is olive green. Just above his eye he has an olive stripe. When he flies off, yellow bars appear across his wings. He’s too small to be a greenfinch, being nearer the size of a chaffinch. I’ll have to do some more looking.

Electronic frustration

I’m beginning to wonder if I should be writing a blog today. I’m beginning to wonder if the computer hasn’t taken against me.

Coming on-line, the first thing I tried to do is to check our e-mails as we’re expecting an important message any day. What happens? An error message. I try various things & find there’s no important message come yet. I wonder if it’s been put in the spam box. No, but then I have difficulty getting out of the spam box, followed by problems logging out.

My frustrations have continued as I’ve tried to get to my blog site. I accept its my fault for putting in the wrong password but then the computer is reluctant to let me out again without signing up for a new blog site. Eventually I’ve got out & reloaded the website & signed in correctly this time.

Now, of course, my equanimity has evaporated & with it my ideas of what to write about. I had had thoughts of telling you about the wood-pigeon & the collared dove studiously ignoring one another as they sit on either side of the archway in the trellis. Or maybe it would have been either how magnificent the Pennine hills are looking under their thick blanket of snow or how awe-inspiring the rollers look as they crash onto the beach, a boiling cauldron of foam. Perhaps it would have been the Fox’s culinary attempt for today – Fried Mushrooms with Pork & Beansprouts – or my Turkey Shepherd’s Pie of yesterday. Maybe it would have been the Fox’s eagerness to organise an autumn & a Christmas holiday, both for later this year. As it is I’m just feeling drained by the attempt just to get on-line to write anything very exciting.

All change

WE had more or less decided on the route for our spring cruise – Barcelona to Venice, both places I had never visited. We’d shortlisted a couple of cruise liners.

I then looked into the liners. The first was expensive as well as very American. The last time we went on a sea-going cruise (Vancouver –Alaska and back) we’d gone on an American ship. We were shocked by the level of tipping expected. Every activity seemed to cost yet more money.

The next company I looked at was cheap & cheerful, as well as very American. It was dedicated to FUN, whether you like it or not. We could have the joys of karaoke & silly games. I shuddered again. There’s nothing like being told you will have fun to spoil any enjoyment I might have had.

Around the same time I was doing a jigsaw of the Dolomite Mountains. The snow covered heights soared above lush greenness & alpine chalets. Beautiful. We happened to have a brochure of various European holidays, hotel & self-catering. There we found a hotel in the Italian lakes area. Behind the hotel soared the Dolomites. We looked into the hotel & our enthusiasm grew, so now we’re thinking Italy for our spring break.

This comes as a surprise to me. We visited Italy once before. That time we stayed in Pompei. The Fox came back saying “never again”. We had found the signs of poverty around Pompei depressing. Hopefully the more affluent north will be better. The Fox had found the people temperamentally unsuited to him, the roads a disaster with erratic aggressive driving (even coming in reverse along the motorway as they’d overshot the turn off) and appallingly signposted. But now the Fox is once more keen on Italy, even if it means driving in Italy. We can just hope that Italians in the north are less volatile than those in the south where we went before. 

 Meanwhile, at home we’ve got new neighbours. They moved in a couple of houses down from us on Friday. We’ve still not met them or even worked out who is staying & who is helping with the move. I hope they turn out to be nice people.

I have to confess it never ceases to amaze me how often people seem to move house. Admittedly we only stayed in our first marital home a couple of years but that was because of necessity rather than desire. The agricultural cottage we were renting was needed for an agricultural labourer. Our next home we stayed for 23 years & only moved as I could no longer cope with going up & down the stairs to our upstairs flat. We’ve been living here now for over 12 years. We put down our roots & are loathe to move. Others don’t seem to have the same feeling. Some at least have the same attitude & were here when we arrived or shortly afterwards & are still here. 

I’m telling myself change isn’t necessarily bad.