Going away? Or not

We got as far as thinking a few days away would do us good. Someone else could do the cooking & washing up. We’re still very tired, though some semblance of normality is beginning to set in. We decided on the hotel, one in the Lake District we’ve been to occasionally. Good food is guaranteed & relaxing lounges with roaring log fires at this time of year. I even got as far as phoning to book a room for later this week. No. Impossible. They’re closed for builders. Apparently the disabled room is being enlarged to make the shower more accessible. The hotel won't be re-opening until next month at least, possibly later for that particular room.

So much for that thought. We’re now in a dither of what to do. We don’t want anywhere too stimulating – we’re just too tired. On the other hand we do want some comfort.

Part of the attraction of the Lake District is the fact we still haven’t found that winter coat for the Fox. We’ve just about exhausted the retailers in Lancaster & Morecambe – bad fit, stiff material, not enough pockets, just don’t like the style. The Lakes have an abundance of outdoor shops, as well as some more classy places so we thought that might be a good place to go looking.

It looks as though we’ll not be going away for a while. Even more long term ideas for holidays are being put on hold as we are uncertain about the outcome of all this treatment I’ve been having. I’m telling myself June onwards should be possible. But then a niggle appears. Maybe some further treatment will be needed & health has to come before holidays. Until we get the all clear, the knowledge I’m at least in remission without any further treatment beyond the 6 monthly bisphosphonate infusion, we’re reluctant to commit to any plans that take any length of time.

Spring

It’s lovely to see the spring flowers starting to appear.

On Tuesday we went into Lancaster again. This time we went on the old Morecambe Road rather than the new Bay Gateway by-pass. The wonder of going this way is that you pass Rylands Park. The grass on the side that abuts the road is sprinkled with flowers, so at this time you pass a carpet of white – snowdrops. In parts there is a haze of gold & purple – the crocuses just budding up.

As we went for our massages, just on the outskirts of Lancaster, going up the drive winding through the wood, you can’t help noticing the clumps of snowdrops & hellebores.

Here in Morecambe we’re still a bit behind. I suspect the cold sea breezes slow down the process. Lancaster is more inland, more sheltered. Nonetheless our first snowdrops are starting to open. There are definite patches of soon-to-open golden buds of crocuses. I’ve just ventured into the back garden and yes, the hellebores are in flower.

Spring is really on its way. Three cheers!

Loneliness

There has been much on the subject of loneliness on the radio of late. My heart goes out to those who feel it. There is a big difference between loneliness & just being alone.

 I confess I suffered it at university. During the day I was fine, busy studying & being with friends. It was in the evening, when friends were out with their boyfriends or otherwise busy, so I was on my own in my hall bedroom it hit. I wasn’t used to the idea of being so much on my own. My family had always been around. Even when I was on my own at home, there was a warmth about the place, not this cold cell-like room. I enjoyed babysitting at university as much for being in somewhere that resembled a proper home, rather than typical student accommodation.

I’ve never felt lonely since meeting the Fox. That’s not to say we spend 24 hours together always. In our younger days the needs of work & earning a living prevented it. We both appreciate our private times, times to sort out our thoughts, to pursue our personal interests. But we do talk a lot together & always feel encircled with the warmth of love. Loneliness is what I dread if ever I should outlive him. I tell myself that these days I have more self-confidence to cope but I’m not convinced.

The reason for all this loneliness in today’s world, they reckon, is the advent of communication by mobile phone, by e-mail, by technology rather than actual face-to-face contact as well as an increase in home-working, as so much can be done by computer these days, & the dispersion of families as the need for employment demands.

People don’t seem to talk in the same way. We ruminated on this thought as we talked & laughed with our cruising friends at the golf club. When we meet up, there are no mobile phones switched on - we have them in case of emergency to be switched on only if the case demands it - we just talk as we put the world to rights, support one another through problems, share joys. At the moment there is much joy as they became great grandparents for the first time on last Friday. Yesterday they went to see the new arrival & mother.

There is much to be said for the old fashion ways of just meeting up & talking. Though I suspect that demon, loneliness, would still be lurking around the corner if I always had to go back to an empty house alone by myself.