After effects

This morning I’m feeling the effects of yesterday.

At one point in the afternoon, I had another attempt at flight as I hurtled down the ramp from the kitchen door, ending up head first in the pebble-dashed shed wall.

So this morning, I brush my hair to feel a definitely sore patch on top. My left hand is sore from where I stuck it out to stop myself, taking a layer of skin off the heel of my palm as I slid down the sharp pebbling.

After a sit down to recover from that fall, I went round to the walled garden, where I’d proceeded to trip over the rough stone bird bath. So today my then bare toes still sting from where they were grazed, drawing blood.

I have various aches from where I clearly wrenched myself awkwardly on one or other trip. My left shoulder in particular is complaining. My knees, too, ache from where they slammed into the low raised garden at the base of the shed.

Well, I suppose all these extra aches are a distraction from my other worries at the moment. But I could have done without them!

Anxious times

Anxiety stalks our home.

On the minor side, I look out of the window. I’m trying to decide whether the rain clouds or the sunshine is going to win the battle for our skies. I would put my washing out to dry but it’s not worth it if I’m going to have to run(?) out to get it in again soon afterwards.

On the more serious side, no matter how we try we both seem haunted by the prospect of the next trip to the hospital. The Fox is clucking around, checking I feel okay. And curiously that’s what worries me. Previously when I’ve had recalls I have also had symptoms – they’ve always turned out to be cysts. The only time I went for a cancer check (cervical cancer in this instance) & was told I had cancer I felt fine & felt no symptoms – for those who are more recent readers of this blog, that was 16 years ago & I’m all clear now. I’m just glad the wait isn’t too long. We’re off to the hospital later this week & should come away with a clearer idea of what is suspected, & hopefully been told it was just a false alarm, another cyst.

The anxiety is made worse in that I’m uncertain now about our French holiday. The news will have to be very bad to cancel it –we’re going next month - but if the news is bad it will be a black cloud over the holiday, I can see it.

I really don’t like uncertainty, not of this sort. I’d sooner know there is an enemy & what it is, than be left wondering about the existence of an enemy. At least then I can adjust my state of mind to cope with it, but not knowing is impossible to adapt to. Dithering & fence sitting just make me tense, & therefore more pain filled as muscles tighten up. Roll on Thursday when things should be clearer.

More worries

All was going well. I’d finally managed to remember the name of the clock repairer we’d used – a friend was wanting their address & phone number. The lamb tagine is plopping away. Once it’s cooked, I’ll leave it to cool ready for re-heating this evening for dinner. I was remembering the sight that greeted us yesterday as we got out of our car at the golf club. Across the street is a lamp-post.  There must have been a dozen starlings on top of it, jostling each other off in the endeavour to make space for themselves.

I came through to here & noticed the post had come – the results of my breast screening. They’ve found some anomaly so I’ve got another appointment next week. Hopefully further investigation will prove there’s nothing amiss. I’ve had enough cysts to suspect that’s all it is, but you never know. I suppose I ought to be grateful they’ve got back so promptly but I could do without something extra to worry about right now.