Back to the hospital yet again

We got back from the hospital to see the answerphone flashing – a call from a different department of the hospital asking me to call in to collect my new knee braces. If we’d known before we could have got them while we were at the hospital. Now we have another trip into Lancaster to the hospital today.

 At least we don’t have to go in during rush hour as we did yesterday. The drive was made worse by the fact we were driving almost due east early on a very bright sunny day. The sun was low in the sky with the result half the time you had difficulty even seeing the car in front of you. There was just so much glare. It was a relief to be behind a heavy (usually Irish from the ferry). The tall container did block the sun a bit making visibility easier.

Today we will go in the afternoon. We’ve decided to make a day of it. It’s another bright if cold day (just under -10˚C). 

We put a meat order with one of the usual stalls at the Farmers’ Market. Unfortunately the market was cancelled so we hadn’t been able to collect our order. The farm has a shop but it is on far side of Lancaster from us. As you will probably have realised we avoid Lancaster as much as possible. The traffic is a nightmare at the best of times & parking isn’t much better. As we have to go along the same route for both the farm & the hospital we thought we’d combine the two in one trip. 

So today it’s hospital first. Then we thought we would go along to Glasson Dock, to the smokehouse, to get some smoked salmon as an Xmas treat – it can go in the freezer ready. Then we will return via Conder Green & the farm to collect our meat. 

As by this time it will be evening rush hour for Lancaster, we thought we would stop for a meal while we were still on the south of the city. There's a couple of pubs nearby that serve reasonable food so we'll try one of them.That way by the time we're ready to cross the city the traffic should have eased considerably.

It will make a pleasant day out. Glasson itself is quite a pretty little place. We always seem to be visiting it on freezing days in the middle of winter. We haven’t eaten a main meal out for ages so that too should be a treat, a bit of a celebrate of the news concerning my benefits. The news yesterday at the hospital was good too.

I've got it!

Yippee! I was just jigging along in silence. We were having a power cut. Suddenly the light went on & the phone rang. It was the Department of Works and Pensions. I've got my benefits. No problem. That's one thing less to worry about.

YIPPEE!

Welcome sunshine

The sun is actually shining! I'm hard pushed to believe it. Over the last couple of days my heart has gone out to so many people who have had their homes ruined from the floods resulting from the recent downpour. We've not had it nearly so bad. Yes, there's the usual lake to the greenhouse & stream across the patio, but no worse than usual for this time of year. We ventured out along the prom yesterday to discover the winds were certainly blowing. The Fox popped out to deliver something to a friend who lives along there. I stayed in the car. By the time he was back I was beginning to feel quite queasy as the car rocked from side to side as the wind blew straight of the Bay, a fact I was even more aware of as I looked in the wing mirror to spot the Fox's return.

Still hopefully it will stay dry today. We're off to do the food shop. I've got a lamb curry plopping away now so it will be ready to just warm up wen we get back - nice & easy to do.

After making our delivery we went along to our local pub. The landlord there was busy preparing for "Lancashire Day" which is to be celebrated today. He reckoned he'd put in his order for sunshine for the event. It seems someone may have answered. For the celebrations I gather there is to be street skittles in the road outside, Morris dancers performing, a Lancashire quiz, Lancashire hotpot & other regional specialities. All this begins at 6pm so we won't be going. We'll be too busy digging into our curry.

Tomorrow it's back to the hospital. This time it's the breast screening clinic. It will mean another early morning. The appointments at 9.30am. We've no idea how long the visit will be. There's no indication of what will happen. Is it just a quick question of whether there's been further seepage? Or will there be another ultrasound examination & possible mammogram? We'll find out tomorrow.  

Recovering

We're actually got a day with no commitments, no trips to surgeries or hospitals, a chance to get on top of things. 

Yesterday was indeed another tiring day. We had to be at the hospital for 8.50am. Getting across Lancaster in the rush hour is a nightmare. Our 15 minute trip became 50 minutes. It wasn't helped by the fact it looked as though a ferry had recently docked at Heysham. I'm guessing that from the number of heavies from Ireland that seemed to be heading through Lancaster in order to get to the motorway & the rest of Britain.

Once there we were seen promptly enough. Sure enough I need a size smaller for knee braces. Indeed my right leg has lost so much it is almost two sizes down.

This is quite the easiest way to lose weight I know. I'm eating as well as ever, indulging in chocolate & buttery foods from time to time, & yet the weight just keeps coming off. It's just as well I was rather overweight to start off with, otherwise I would be getting quite worried. I've still got some spare flab I could afford to lose. I just wish it wasn't off my legs. But that's the way with diets. You always seem to lose the weight from the parts you don't want to lose it!

So today is another day for recovery of energies. With luck we may venture out to Snatchems to see friends. We will certainly need to venture out for some milk. We're nearly out of it & mugs of tea are essential. I can do without alcohol but no tea really would be dire!  

Oh so tired!

It’s yet another grey day. Still at least it’s a quiet day. For once we’ve no appointments. The Fox is taking the opportunity to do some cooking – a Ham & Asparagus Risotto no less. We’ll have plenty of fried mushrooms to accompany it.

Yesterday was the trip to the surgery. Like a twit I forgot to take the form with me. Fortunately we were early. I realised before I’d even checked in. The Fox hastily went home to find it while I stayed there in case the nurse felt she could go ahead once I told her what it was for. She decided she’d sooner wait. It was probably just as well. When she saw the list of required tests she had to check which colour of phial she needed. Now we have to wait for a couple of weeks for the results.

Tomorrow I’m off to be measured for some new knee braces. My present ones are forever sliding down. It’s partially that they’re getting rather old & less elastic, partially that I’ve lost so much weight. I’ve suggested it would probably be wise to re-measure as I reckon I need a size smaller. We’ll see what they make of it.

Life seems all about medical appointments at the moment. One of my teeth has been causing me problems for a while now. I’ve just not felt confident of attending any appointment. Even now, when I’m feeling so much better, I’m aware I’m also feeling so tired & stressed with all the hospital trips etc that I feel I’ve put up with toothache this long, I can wait a bit longer. A bit of rest seems more important.

The Fox isn’t doing too much better. He’s still tires far easier these days, post-stroke. We both could do with a chance to put our feet up, a holiday in the sun perhaps, to perk us up.

At last

At last I’ve got a diagnosis, or at least a partial one. I’ve definitely got pancreatitis. My pancreas is considerably enlarged & shows signs of considerable inflammation. Now we just have to sort out how severe it is, whether it is chronic or not, & whether any long term damage has been done. I am to be monitored & return to the hospital in the New Year. I also need some further blood tests & a MRI scan. Meanwhile I have to avoid all alcohol as this will only aggravate the situation.

The specialist reckoned it is probably due to the number of anti-inflammatories (NSAIDs) I have been taking. I’ve been on one sort or another for over twenty years now. After about 10 years on the first type I ended up as severely anaemic, so severely my doctor was most reluctant to let me out of the village we then lived in. The next day we were going to a wedding, the Fox being best man. It was only agreed I could go provided I promised to eat as iron-rich food as I could while we were there & to head straight for the nearest hospital if I felt at all worse. I had to report back to my own surgery as soon as we were back.

Since then I have tried other NSAIDs, finally settling on one which I’ve been on for just over another ten years. This time, instead of internal bleeding, which caused the anaemia, I’ve got pancreatitis. Needless to say I’m also off the NSAIDs too, having to depend purely on pain-killers to manage the pain in my knees. I’ve already been to get some stronger ones from my GP for the duration.

By Sunday, after getting over the shock of the diagnosis & its implications, we began to think life was settling down. We could maybe think of those few days break away. Then I rang the surgery about the blood test. That appointment is today. I rang the hospital about some new knee braces. That’s the hospital on Thursday. The post brought another letter from the hospital – an appointment with the Breast Clinic next week. (As I’ve had no further bleeding I’m not particularly worried about this one, thank goodness.) 

So much for the quiet life & getting away from it all for a few days!

Onto the next

It’s done. The medical is over. Heaven knows what the results were. The doctor who came, seemed very amiable & made the affair as easy as possible. However, I don’t think that necessarily means the report he writes up will win me my benefit or even be, to me, a fair résumé of my medical condition. I’ve become very sceptical & untrusting over the years, especially when it comes to benefits. And to think another medical will probably be necessary next year as my other benefit, Disability Living Allowance, is due for renewal then! We’ll worry about that one when we’re nearer the time. Meanwhile we wait for the results of this medical.

I was so tense throughout the medical that I spent the rest of the day in severe pain, popping pills madly. Shattered as we both felt by the experience – it had taken over an hour & a half - we were both on such a high of adrenalin at first, a nap was impossible. We decided to  get the last bit of the food shop done. We had a trip over to the butcher’s for some chicken.

On the way back we decided to stop for a spot of lunch at a pub – a baguette filled with steak & onion in my case, with Cumberland sausage in the Fox’s. We were just getting me into the car, when a familiar face turned up, a friend from Geriatrics’ Corner. One of the sadnesses of no longer going to the Pub (see the Fox’s blog) is that we had lost contact with Henry. As we don’t know his surname or his address we didn’t know how to contact him. This was a real pleasure. We hastily went back into the pub & had a drink with him. We exchanged phone numbers so in future we can keep contact & arrange to meet again. We told him about our now regular visits to Snatchems where other members of the Geriatrics’ Corner meet up on a Friday, just as we all had at the Pub. Henry’s hoping to start coming along. It will be great to see him more regularly again.

I mentioned I’d been half thinking of arranging a Christmas dinner for the group some time in December. Fran & Den, & Helen have all been dropping heavy hints. If we do go ahead, Henry is keen to have details & hopefully join us. A festive meal seems more attractive now. Above all, it appeals more that I feel more settled within myself. On the whole my health has done so much better since my last hospital stay.

Talking of hospitals, my next trip to the hospital is on Saturday. At the moment my abdomen seems to have quietened down so I feel a bit of a fraud having this appointment. I’m telling myself it was very severe at the time, nothing has really been done to treat the problem so this is probably just a period of respite. I could do with finding out what caused the problem. This view is particularly important when the discharge letter from the hospital did suggest the cause may be pancreatic cancer – the form of cancer which killed my mother after being diagnosed with it at exactly my age now – and I do feel these days cancer is often survivable provided you treat it early. The fact I am not in constant pain would suggest if it is cancer, it must be at an early stage. I admit I am anxious about the fact I’ve lost 6lbs in weight within the last month despite eating normally. That sounds dramatic to me. Still I’ve survived cancer once already; I daresay I can survive it again. And at this stage it may not even be cancer!  

Meanwhile, today I’m going to roast a chicken as I doubt I will feel up to it on Saturday. One of the perks of not being obliged to go to the Pub, is that we can have a midweek roast for a change without upsetting others in the process.

The Danger Zone

It hits when you venture into the kitchen. Last night, after I went to bed, the Fox decided to get out Big Ears, the slow cooker, & make the dinner, a Lamb Madras. When I woke up & ventured to the loo in the night I was aware of the aromas, but they were not as bad as sometimes when he’s cooked during the night. They were not so bad as to disturb my sleep. But this morning…. That‘s a different matter.

The curry may be just sitting there, cooling down, letting all the flavours meld together, ready to warm up, but the spicy aromas pervade every inch of the room. My stomach instantly leaps in anticipation. However, we won’t be eating until this evening. It’s agony, an exquisite agony.

This afternoon we’ll be out. We’ve got into the unfortunate position of only having half a dozen tea bags in the house. That will never do, especially when we don’t think we’ll be able to go shopping tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be taken up with this medical. When I next write the ordeal will be over & I will move on to the next stage, awaiting the results. Although the event itself is due early in the morning, it doesn’t alter the fact I suspect by the time it’s done & we’ve talked over how we think it went, I will probably be so drained a nap will be in order. As for food, I’m working on the theory we will either eat out or it’s a ready meal from the freezer.

I’ve just got to the stage of thinking “Just hope all goes well” & with that I’ve crossed all my fingers & toes that it does in fact go well.

Necessity is the Mother of Invention

I’m not a great fan of minced pork, or even of burgers, so you can imagine how surprised I am to say I thoroughly enjoyed yesterday’s meal.

I’m back to doing a bit of using up from the freezer. Minced pork was top of the list – don’t ask me how it got there but there it was. A quick shufti through my cookbooks gave me the idea of doing “Burgers with a sweetcorn relish”. I thought the relish should give a bit of flavour to the insipid pork. The Fox suggested we bought some buns but I thought I’d use up some pitta bread from the freezer, another thing I’m not keen on.

The Fox got the meat out Friday evening ready to thaw for the morning. First thing I did in the morning was to make the burgers. I added plenty of thyme & parsley to give it some flavour. I put the burgers in the fridge ready to cook up in the evening.

Nearer midday I was in the kitchen & thought I might as well get out the tin of sweetcorn from the cupboard. I knew I didn’t have any mexicorn as the recipe required but I had thought of a way around that. However, no sweetcorn. I emptied the shelf. Still no tin.

It’s a problem I find with the two of us cooking now. I always worked on the basis of buying the ingredients I needed for the week ahead, even if there was some in anyway. That way I never had to check what was in the cupboard unless I was doing, as yesterday, a use-up meal. The Fox works on a different theory. Always have some basic ingredients in, which you top up when you use the last one up. I’ve been trying to adapt to this principle but I keep finding I use the ingredient I bought for the planned meal & don’t bother to check whether it’s the last tin. Meanwhile the Fox has used the cupboard tin, seen another in which I then used & which was by then the last tin. As I don’t check I don’t bother putting it on the shopping list to replace.

Anyhow, now I was stuck. I’d made the burgers up so the meat couldn’t be used for any other purpose. After some thought I decided to fry up some extra capsicum peppers – that was how I was going to make the sweetcorn into mexicorn – then add the other relish ingredients.

The burgers, well coated with the relish, then popped into the toasted pitta bread. Brilliant. I’m not sure it wasn’t better than the original recipe. The meat was moist & flavoursome. The bite of the relish added much to it. Even the pitta bread was welcome & not the usual bit of cardboard I associate it with.

I remember once staying in a chamber d’hôte once near Rouen. The meal we had was excellent. Our hostess commented that the recipe for a smoked chicken & mushroom dish her husband made was originally the result of a culinary mishap. They’d enjoyed it so much, they made the mishap from then on. I feel just like that over this sweetcorn relish without the sweetcorn.

Still stressed

The man from the charity came round yesterday to discuss the medical. He thinks my case for continuing to receive my benefit is good. He tends to agree with me that it is a good sign that they are proposing to come here rather than for me to be going to their office. It’s the first time he’s come across them volunteering to do that. Usually the charity ends up advising the client to contact ATOS, the company responsible for organising the medicals, to request a home visit as it is impossible for the client to attend otherwise.

It wasn’t quite so reassuring when he went on to tell us of one client who has only 5% vision. He was passed as able to work. The Job Centre proceeded to insist he train as a bus driver. I don’t want to anywhere around if he takes up that suggestion!

However, the charity is happy to support me through any appeal procedure if it becomes necessary, though he clearly thinks that outcome is highly unlikely. I just hope he’s right.

The strange thing is, as I write this, I can’t help wondering if you didn’t know me personally you would be thinking that I’m trying to cheat the system. It really isn’t that. If I could genuinely believe this medical was just a check that I had the medical problems I say I had, I wouldn’t be so anxious. Experience - & nothing I have heard about the new system has disabused me of this impression – has taught me this is about finding an excuse to deny me this benefit. I wish I could reasonably consider going back to work. I’d love to & to be so well.

The stress of just knowing this medical lies ahead, has caused any sense of well-being to evaporate. I’m once more aching badly in my knees, once more diving for the painkillers. I’m once more feeling tense & rather depressed, though not suicidal just yet. My sleep is once more disrupted, giving me long hours to brood in the dark. My abdomen hasn’t complained though last night I was awake with a bad bout of acid reflux. And yes, it was just before 3am, a little later than my usual 2.30am for the cramps to hit. I’m now just wishing the medical was over & maybe I could relax again before I start to deteriorate too much.

Meanwhile the day remains grey & wet. I gather from our visitor yesterday it had been snowing in Lancaster that day. Fortunately we’ve not seen any of that. All we’ve had is rain, hail occasionally, a lot of grey skies & icy winds. None of which cheers my spirits much.

Here’s hoping things will pick up soon.

Waiting

I seem to be at a low ebb today. Any sense of energy, of drive, have disappeared. I suspect it’s the effect of knowing this medical is looming. I was reluctant to get up but I told myself to get moving. Hopefully that charity will be ringing back today.

 I’m still waiting. I did ring again this morning but the man dealing with my case was out of the office. I’ve left another message, this time with a real person rather than a machine, so hopefully he will get it. I’ll not guarantee it. She did sound like one of those dippy receptionists who don’t always do what they say they will, especially if something happens to distract them.  I sit here with the phone in front of me in hope.

It says something that just knowing I’ve got this medical ahead of me is having this effect on me. By next week I’ll be a gibbering wreck if I don’t look out. How I would cope with the pressure of work is beyond me.

I’m telling myself it’s just the weather. Yesterday was very grey & today’s no better. Rain doesn’t look far away. Even now, at 11am, I’m half contemplating switching the lights on. It’s just so dark & gloomy – a bit like me really.

Be careful what you ask for

You know that old saying "Be careful what you ask for". I'm now only too aware of its truth.

For some time I've been wondering what had happened to my benefit application.  I've heard not a word. Today the letter came.  I've got a medical next week.

The state I was in before my hospital trip there was no way they could have thought I was fit to work, but now.... Now my unexpected sense of well being shines from my every pore. I look well. I even continue to feel well. Having said that, I wouldn't like to try a trip out without my wheelchair. I still have to sit to peel the spuds & do most of the cooking. I'm just feeling a lot better.

I'm telling myself it's a good sign that they have suggested having the medical at the house, not at one of their offices which they usually do. They presumably must think that would be difficult for me.

It is probably helpful that I have a hospital appointment coming up a few days later for my abdominal problems. I also have a copy of the discharge letter from my recent hospital admission. I would have thought my trips there must be a sign that my present condition is unstable.

I just wish I could look less healthy! Though maybe by next week it will be all change again & we're back to dialling for an ambulance once more.

Meanwhile I've got on the phone to talk to the charity which helped me with filling in the form to see if they've have any advice that might help my case. Maybe someone would even come to witness the interview to ensure it's properly done. 

Of fireworks & family

I’ve come to the conclusion the recession must really be biting locally. As any person from these islands will know, tonight is Fireworks Night, the night when bonfires & fireworks are lit in nominal memory of the night Guy Fawkes tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament in 1605. As is also customary, in more recent times communal bonfires are usually lit on the Saturday night nearest the 5^th of November. Increasingly parents of schoolchildren have done the same so the children are not distracted from homework.

Since we moved here in 2000 we have been entertained by the wonderful free shows from all our neighbours’ gardens. Saturday night few appeared. Our conclusion is that less money is around & smaller fireworks are cheaper than great exploding rockets or candles that shoot their colourful sprays skyward.

But Sunday night, just as we were under way with cooking dinner a great deafening screech shattered the peace. After we had returned to ground after the shock, I went out into the garden. Sure enough a rocket was coming over the roof with this deafening sound. A second followed. We hastily shut the door - we usually leave it open when cooking to let some of the steam out. - & pitied the poor animals around. All the flashes & bangs are disturbing enough for them without that unearthly screech. I found myself wondering how my cousin’s dog would be doing. He’s always nervous of fireworks & odd bangs. This really would have upset him.

My cousins are on my mind at the moment as I spoke to them over the weekend. My cousin Ann’s husband had a knee replaced mid-week & I was pleased to hear he was hoping to get home on Saturday. Ann herself, who has cancer & had started a new course of chemotherapy the same day he went in for the op, was relieved to find this course was better than some previous ones so she’d felt up to making the trips into the hospital to see her husband.

As for my cousin Trudy, she’s been having a worrying time. Apparently her daughter was in the USA at the time the hurricane, Sandy, struck New York. Indeed that very day she was due to fly from Philadelphia to Boston. Fortunately she had no problems. She was in Boston when the hurricane hit there but found all that meant was she had to stay in the hospital all day, which suited her fine as she’d gone down with a tummy bug. It gave her a day of rest before attending the conference she was meant to be at. Still it was all very worrying for her parents back in England.

Transformation

I get up in the morning. The world is gloomy, the skies overcast. I venture off to the bathroom. Soon I hear a tremendous pounding. Thunder growls. All hell has broken out. I rush out of the bathroom, still not having got as far as having a wash or brushing my teeth. I look out of the glass in the front door. The world has been transformed. It’s become a winter wonder world. All is white. A thick layer of hail stones coat the street, the cars, the gardens. And to think it took so few minutes.

Feeling well

I’m feeling somewhat bemused. For some reason I’m feeling extremely well, better than I have been for years, certainly than for the last few months. This sense of well-being has been growing on me these last few days, really since I came out of hospital.

This thought struck me when I was in the shower. Just before my shower, I had been reading an arthritis magazine. It mentioned there was a connection between hypothyroidism & arthritis, both of which I have.

I’m beginning to wonder if some of my problems in the past have been related to an underactive thyroid rather than arthritis. Certainly I have noticed some changes since I began medication for my thyroid nearly three years ago.

I no longer feel as tired. That does not surprise me in that I knew that excessive tiredness is often the reason why hypothyroidism is diagnosed in the first place.

I have lost weight slowly but steadily, but then I realised that an underactive thyroid can cause you to put on weight.

But I had not known hypothyroidism can cause inflamed painful joints, in particular in the knees. There is no denying the fact my kneecaps are not in the right place on my knees – hence arthritis. However, the medical establishment has long commented that I shouldn’t be as disabled as I am due to that cause. Maybe hypothyroidism has aggravated the situation & I had been suffering from it for years before it was diagnosed. I’m telling myself this can’t be the case. The hypothyroidism was discovered as a result of a routine blood test due to my high blood pressure. Surely they would have realised my thyroid gland wasn’t working efficiently previously. I know I had been suffering from fatigue for a long time but simply put it down to the arthritis & the extra effort involved in doing anything with such pain-filled knees.

The point is, though, that my body seems to be performing differently since I returned from my stay hospital. My knees are no longer getting inflamed in the way they did, despite getting back to my normal pre-hospital trip level of activity & despite no longer taking any anti-inflammatories.

For years I’ve sweltered at night with a burning scarlet band across my knees. It was so hot one year, when we were without electricity for several days, with freezing temperatures outside, we could both warm ourselves around my knees to keep warm. The surgeon who did my last knee op had thought I was exaggerating about the level of heat until he operated & then found it was almost too hot to operate! But now they are icy cold. So was this inflammation due to my underperforming thyroid gland rather than any arthritis? Now the medication for the former has fully kicked in, is that why I am feeling so much better?

My abdominal pain seems to have eased.  Is that due to the reduction in alcohol? Or is it again due to my thyroid now working as it should have been? I gather hypothyroidism can encourage auto-immune problem& one of the causes of pancreatitis, if that is what it was, is an auto-immune problem.

I’m not even excessively hot at night. I’ve long wanted less bedding than the Fox as I’ve sweltered away, but now I’m putting on extra blankets. Have I finally got through all the symptoms of the menopause? Or is it just I’m no longer heating the bed up with my inflamed knees?

Whatever the reason, I am feeling remarkably well for which I rejoice. I’m not yet confident enough to suggest it will last. My stay in hospital has only resulted in a change of medication, so I’m no longer taking any anti-inflammatories for my knees, just painkillers. That’s about the only difference apart from the reduction in alcohol. It seems amazing to think such slight changes could make such a difference. Maybe now I need to turn my efforts to getting a bit fitter, building up more muscles once again, doing a bit more each day… Maybe then I could even forget about benefits & think of getting back to work…Maybe all of this speculation is just a pipe dream & things well be back to the normality of so many years.

Maybe it just comes down to the fact the sun is shining & there’s some blue skies.

Whatever the reason, I rejoice in just feeling well for once. Long may it continue.