Wednesday 31 August 2011

Robert Robinson

Well, I'm back to waiting, yet again. There are times when I begin to think that is all that life is about. Waiting. This time I'm waiting for the man from the garage, coming to sort out our indicator problem.

Meanwhile I've been listening to "A Tribute to Robert Robinson" on BBC Radio 4. I was sorry to hear he'd died when he'd died earlier this year. I'd heard of it at the time. I was not entirely surprised as I'd realised his long absence from broadcasting was due to ill-health & I'd also realised he must be getting on a bit.

I suppose I have to admit I've always had a certain affection for this erudite man, someone who knew how to use words & sentences. I knew him primarily as quiz master in programmes such as "Call my Bluff", "Ask the Family" & "Brain of Britain". I'd never realised why I'd appreciated him so much in that role until someone commented that Robert Robinson never forgot that quizzes were about having fun. He never put people down in such shows, no matter how far wrong their answers were. He always seemed to try to make participants as much at ease as he could in what, for them, was a very stressful, unaccustomed position. So many question masters seem to sneer at contestants, commenting how stupid they are sometimes, which I find a very irritating, unpleasant characteristic. This could never be said of Robert Robinson.

I will admit I was surprised to discover he was a Liverpudlian by birth. I would never have guessed it. He never struck me as being particularly northern. 

He will be missed.

Tuesday 30 August 2011

A Mixture of a Day

Yesterday was an odd day. It started well. Kelly, the relief cleaner, turned up, promptly at 11.00 am this time.As I said last week, she is a delight of a person, full of energy & goodwiill. During the course of conversation, she told me she'd had the weekend off. 

"Done anything special?" I asked.


"Yes. We went round all the car boot sales. We got a couple of things, a new rug, some toys for the children. But what we were really looking for was a dining table & chairs."

My head instantly turned to the dining table & chairs that have been sitting in the garage for the last few years, ever since we had the kitchen redone & had bought a circular table to replace the  old square one. We have offered it to numerous people but keep being told it's too old-fashioned, too dark. We were prepared to give it away to charity, to a homeless person trying to set up home. Still no takers. The tables, & in particular the padded seated chairs, are too old to have a fire retardant tag so charities can't take them. The only remaining option is to pay the council to take it to the tip, to break it up into firewood. That just seemed criminal to us when it is a good quality piece of furniture, even if out of fashion. I mentioned it to Kelly. Her eyes lit up.


"Could I see it?" 


"Of course," I replied & led her off to the garage.


Her eyes widened as the table emerged from under the rubbish that had been place on it. "It's fabulous. It's just what we're looking for. It's not for us , but my mother-in-law. It's perfect. Can I have it?" I agreed. Kelly instantly rang up to check it sounded okay with her mother-in-law. They'll come and collect as soon as they can organise the transport.


It's nice to think at last a good home has been found for the furniture. I dare say we could have sold it, but nobody has shown much interest in it so far. The set has been a part of my life. It was in my parents' home as long as I can remember. I'm glad it's going to some use, to a good home where, by the sound of it, someone who will love it as it deserves.


When I told the Fox what I had done, he was equally pleased. And relieved at the thought of some space at last in the garage.


So in the afternoon we set off to the Pub. 

Not long after we arrived, Cheryl & Paul came in. We haven't seen them for a while. It's difficult as they both work so they are generally not availble in the afternoon when we are in the Pub. Paul was telling us all about his camping trip in Broughton -in-Furness. Memories came pouring back.


The village square, Broughton

Broughton is a lovely village at the south end of the River Duddon. We found ourselves remembering the view from the roof of the High Cross Inn, up the Duddon. We recalled when the exhaust pipe of our car literally fell off & the nearest garage we could find was in Broughton. We found a small one-man, rather unprepossessing place. We were told to go away to come back later. When we did, we found  the man had been unable to find a new exhaust pipe so he'd just made a bit to patch it up. That patch cost us about £5 & lasted us a further years. 


The car getting a new section of exhaust pipe
Then there were memories of the time I ended up in stocks.


In the stocks many years ago

We also remembered when the Fox went to Broughton with the Pocket Theatre, a travelling theatre company that toured all over Cumbria. He helped to put up & take down the set. Afterwards they adjourned to a local pub. They were still there at 1am. This was in the days before de-regulation of pub hours. The Fox got worried about the police. He was told not to be so stupid. the local policeman was propping up the end of the bar!


After such memories. Cheryl offerred us some eggs laid by her hens. We accepted with pleasure. We were somewhat surprised when we discovered that two of the eggs were green-shelled. That's apparently natural for the breed of bird & taste delicious. I see the Fox had one before going to bed I wonder if he could taste any difference.


Time came to set off home. We loaded up PD to take him back. En route PD nervously asked us if we would like to spend Chrstmas Day with them. Lin's Dad will be there. In previous years they've half-asked us but left it until too late. By then we've arranged a holiday away or put the deposit on a meal out. This time they're getting in early. We've agreed. Hopefully it should be a good day.


After we dropped PD off things started going a bit aggly. First we noticed the car indicators seemed to be making a funny noise, as though there was an echo, a clunk rather than a tick. When we were safely home, we had a look. Sure enough the lights are not working properly.They flicker a couple of times then just stay fixed on. 


First thing this morning I rang the garage. There's nothing they can do today but he will be around tomorrow to sort it out. I nervously asked whether it was safe to drive today. He reckons so. Just keep switching the switch on & off, thus causing the light to flash.


That's a relief. We had been hoping to go out today as it's our wedding anniversary. We'd been thinking of maybe a trip into Kendal, to look a the new K Shoe Village. I'm still in need of new sandals for the holiday. And the Fox would like to see how he would cope with a longer drive than usual. It's a while since Stoke in June. Since then I think we've stayed within a 10 mile radius of home. The airport will be consderably more than that, even if it is only Manchester we fly from. Admittedly it isn't the most inspiring weather in the world. Damp & grey. So we may just end up going out for a meal somewhere a bit special.


Then last night, it turned cold. The Fox tried to light the gas fire late in the night. Zilch. Nothing happened. Another thing that needs looking at. It's due for its service next month so I'm wondering whether we shouldn't get both jobs in one go.

Sunday 28 August 2011

The lottery

Each week we play the Lottery. We sometimes wonder what we would do if we were to win millions. 

Our first conclusion is that we're basically happy with our lives. We don't particularly want to move house. It's a nice size for us. We would be lost in a great mansion.

One thing about being on a low income for most of our lives is that it has caused to realise what is necessary for our sense of well-being & to realise that it doesn't come from material goods. I'm not denying it is nice to have beautiful things around you, to be able to travel abroad, to have new cars etc & it is a relief to be in a position not to have to worry every time a bill drops through the letter box or something breaks down. But ultimately there is only so much you want to eat & drink. Does a new car really matter, provided the existing one keeps going? No it doesn't.

We're also becoming aware no matter how much money we had what would really make things better cannot be bought. As we get older, & our health deteriorates, our energies reduce, we end up feeling even if we could afford to do somethings, we just aren't physically up to doing them. 

As it is the Fox is anxious about how he is going to cope with the flight to Germany for our holiday next month. We're telling ourselves that, once there, we can just sit on the boat & watch the world go by. That shouldn't be too demanding. There's plenty to do at the various stopovers but it isn't essential to actually get off the boat to see it all. Our usual self-catering holiday isn't really on. The Fox is very anxious if he would be able to drive himself or even cope with a long drive by someone else. That won't change, no matter how much money we had. We can't buy good health.

We have been lucky in one thing in life & that is in love. We found each other long ago & that love has got us through everything, all the ups & downs of life. We celebrate our 36th wedding anniversary next week. That can't be bad.

Meanwhile I will get back to worrying who will be coming tomorrow to do the cleaning & when. Angie is still on holiday. I'm hoping it will be Kelly again but I'm not sure. Maybe that's something money could get us, guaranteed reliable staff to help look after us.

Saturday 27 August 2011

Morecambe

The sun's actually shining. This comes as something of a surprise. Yesterday afternoon was wet & it looked set to be a typical wet Bank Holiday this weekend.

As we went along the prom to the butcher (for today's chicken thighs) & the Pub, we couldn't help noticing holidamakers scurrying around, trying to find something to do in the dry. It has to be admitted Morecambe doesn't have much to offer on a wet day. There's plenty of pubs but you can hardly take young children there. There's a cinema, a bowling alley & bingo. After that you're down to the slot machines in the arcades, a very expensive business for any parent. What else? There's the shopping precinct but that won't delay you long. 

No, Morecambe is a place to visit in the dry. Then you have the long prom with its fabulous views across to the Lakeland fells, the Eric Morecambe statue - that must be one of the most photographed statues ever, the number of people you see posing with our Eric - the Tern project with its birds scattered throughout the town, Happy Mount Park with its gardens, paddling pools, play areas, live music in the bandstand every weekend in the summer. There's kite flying & sandcastle building. A few brave souls hazard the waters to go wind-surfing, though I would think you would need to be a good swimmer as the currents can be strong &, with quicksands around, you wouldn't want to risk putting your foot down on unseen ground. There's all sorts of things to do, all free, just requiring a little effort to walk around a bit, though some people seem to get much enjoyment just sitting on the prom, or on the sands, watching the world go by. 

Friday 26 August 2011

Crampfree

I still can't quite believe it. Not a single episode of cramp all night! 

After my visit to the doctor a couple of weeks ago, he reduced my medication to wean me gently off the rather high dose before transferring me on to a new lot. I started the new lot yesterday, & last night I at last had a crampfree night. Maybe now I will be able to catch up on my sleep.

It certainly confirms my suspicion that the cause of the cramps was the medication. The same thing happened last time I had to change medication for this same problem. Now I just hope I can keep going longer on this medication before the cramps return.

Thursday 25 August 2011

Indigestion?

I was surprised yesterday when Al, our gardener, turned up. It had rained very heavily the previous night & had looked threatening all morning. I hastily went to unbolt the gate so he could get round to the back garden & the lawn. He had barely come through, & I had congratulated him on winning a cup at his local village flower & produce show, when I noticed a few drops of water. By the time he'd got his lawnmower going, it progressed to rain, quite heavy rain. He didn't stay long. Soon after the skies roared with three great rumbles of indigestion. Or was it just thunder?

Today we're off to the Farmers' Market to see if we can get some pork & steak. On the way back we're intending to stop at the fish shop for some fish for today's dinner. And maybe some little things in butter, potted shrimps in other words, for a bit of lunch. We're a bit nervous of eating at the village pub after last month's upset tums. It probably was nothing to do with the food there. Certainly in my case, I suspect it had more to do with medication, but niggling nervousness remains. It's a pity. It was such a good place for food but, since they've been having chef problems, it seems to have gone downhill of late.

Tuesday 23 August 2011

Waiting yet again

At 11.20 yesterday I rang up the agency. There was no sign of anyone coming to replace Angie, our cleaner, who usually comes at 11am.  I was told Kelly was on her way & she was due to start with me at 11.30am Why, I asked, had they not told me of the change of time? I'd spent half an hour getting more & more anxious.  There was no real answer. They just didn't think it mattered. Certainly no need for them to apologise or try to do better another time.


At least, when she did arrived, Kelly turned out to be a little gem. She barely reaches 5ft in height, yet she washed down all the walls in the bathroom as far as she could reach. She's a real ray of sunshine, full of infectious good cheer. She's only in her late twenties. She must be one of the few people who work for these care agencies as a vocation. She loves the job. She's always wanted to be a carer & couldn't believe her good fortune when she got the job. I'm now hoping she will be back next week. We'll see.


Meanwhile I'm back to waiting. On Friday, when we got back from the Pub, we found a card to say a parcel had failed to be delivered as we were out. The guidebook, perhaps? Some wine we're expecting? No indication. We arranged for it to be re-delivered today. I just hope they get here earlier than they must have done on Friday. We hadn't left the house until after 3pm & we saw no Royal Mail van as we went along the street. We might have turned back if we had, as we've been expected both parcels for a while. As it is, we're hoping to have time to go & do a big food shop later today. We're nearly out of milk & it's  3 weeks since we did our last big shop. The cupboards are beginning to look a bit bare.

Sunday 21 August 2011

A little anxious

I confess to feeling a little anxious. Angie, our cleaner, is on holiday for the next two weeks so the agency will be sending someone else. I hope she turns out to be someone better than last time Angie was off. That time I just got a lot of moans about our house being too clean for it to be worth her time to do anything. She didn't believe in bleach. She had to put her coat on to go to the laundry room for the mop, even though the laundry room is literally only a couple of steps outside. Above all I didn't appreciate being told off for being too clean. I ended up pointing out that the Fox is allergic to house dust so the place must be kept clean. Otherwise he's one long permanent sneeze.

Having a different person come is always tiring for me. Inevitably I spend a lot of time explaining what we want doing & showing her/him where equipment etc is. Not very relaxing at all, but still easier, and safer, than trying to do the cleaning myself.

On the good side the excursion list for our cruise has arrived. It's full of useful information such as how far it is from the boat to the things we might want to see, what the terrain is like in between, where accessible loos are etc. The one trip we had been thinking was a must see, Cologne cathedral, is apparently only 10mins flattish walk from where the boat will be moored. The organised trip is on foot. With this in mind we're thinking we can maybe decide nearer the time. We are on the whole happier exploring on our own. We will be taking our guide book, which is due to arrive any day now, so we don't really feel we need to be in a big group with a human guide, no matter how interesting they may be. 

We're also relieved to see the dress code is casual. The info sheet positively says no ties & jackets needed. At least this time we won't need to take a suit for the Fox. All we will need is something a bit dressier for the captain's welcome & farewell parties at either end of the trip. It should be good. 

Saturday 20 August 2011

Food associations

Readers of yesterday's blog will be assuming today is Hampton Pie day. Well, it isn't. Plans have been revised yet again. Instead I'm waiting for the puff pastry to thaw out before I fill it with the minced beef, tomato & potato filling for the Beef Plate Pie.

I always associate this meal with my brother. After my mother died, for a while he got into the habit of turning up on a Sunday morning, staying until after dinner. He never bothered to warn us. 

In those days, money was tight in the Fox's den. We would do the food shopping mid-week, so by Sunday the purse was just about empty, a matter of pence rather than pounds. It never occurred to my brother to suggest taking us out for a meal. And in those days not many food shops were open to buy any extra ingredients, even if we had the money to buy any. So it was that Beef Plate Pie came to the fore.

The thing about  Beef Plate Pie is that for 2 people it only requires 6oz of meat. Sometimes I would have 8oz of meat in, ready for a meatball curry for example, so it was easy to change the meal for the day into a Beef Plate Pie & for us all to have a satisfying quantity.

In the end we had to give my brother a broad hint to at least warn us so we could get extra food in. How did we do this? One Sunday we just happened to be going to have a tuna & macaroni bake. Now my brother was never very keen on fish, fish fingers & tinned sardines being the only exceptions, nor did he appreciate pasta. I knew this, but for once I decided to continue with my planned meal. He never again just turned up, expecting a meal, without letting us know well in advance. He learnt his lesson & I never made a tuna & pasta meal for him again.

Friday 19 August 2011

Chaos in the den

After dinner last night, I ask the Fox if he fancied another cook this week. 

"What are you thinking of?" he asks suspiciously.


"A cottage pie perhaps," I suggest. 

"Great," he responds. "I'll do it."


"Then I will make a beef plate pie on Saturday."

All seems settled. 


But then the Fox suddenly pipes up, "I could fancy a Hampton pie. We've had a lot of minced beef of late." 

True. This week we have had some spicy burgers & a chilli con carne this week. Both the cottage pie & the beef plate pie will involve minced beef. A Hampton pie would mean corned beef & we haven't had that for quite a while.

"OK," say I, "But I will need to use up the mushroom before it goes off." My mind flickers down my freezer list. The next thing down is bacon bits. "How about I make some creamed mushrooms tomorrow? We haven't had that in ages."


We agree. A couple of minutes pass. "Or I could make a tomatoey pasta sauce. That would use up bacon, a tub of passata from the freezer, the mushroom & some peppers. It's also quick & easy for when we get back from the Pub." My only anxiety lies in the fact I usually serve this sauce with pasta shapes rather than long pasta. Still I can't see why it shouldn't go with some spaghetti or linguine both of which are in the cupboard unlike the shapes. We decide on the tomato sauce with spaghetti for a change. 


But then, after watching some TV, the Fox once more suggests the creamed mushrooms would be nice & it would use up some of the carrots. With this in mind, I go to bed, not bothering to get anything out of the freezer, happy in the knowledge all I will need to do this morning is peel some spuds. The bacon will thaw easily in the afternoon. I even begin to get excited about the idea of creamed mushrooms. 


When the Fox comes to bed, rather later, he says, "Go ahead. Make the tomato sauce."


First thing when I get up, I hastily set off for the freezer. I can't make the sauce until the bacon has thawed & the passata has melted sufficiently to come out of the tub. I'm half-expecting by the time, I can get started on the cooking, the Fox will suddenly say he fancies creamed mushrooms again.


The one thing we do seem decided on is the idea of Hampton pie for Saturday, made by the Fox. There's some order in our chaos at least. Monday I'm hoping to be the beef plate pie. We'll see. Anything could happen by then to change our very dithery minds.



Wednesday 17 August 2011

Plans for a quiet day

Big Ears, the slow cooker, is on the loose again. The Fox is making a chilli con carne. This means I have a lazy morning.

We did the food shopping yesterday, so the only tasks I have to do is divide up the minced beef that hasn't gone in the chilli, & update my freezer contents list. Easy.

It's nice to have a quiet morning, especially as the sun is shining so I may get out to tidy the garden a bit after the ravages of the wind & rain we've had of late.

My latest garden thrill is the appearance of dots of bright orange in the deep shade under some of our evergreen trees. It's crocosmia, now coming into full bloom.

Where my endeavours will go will be in the front garden. Unfortunately the fennel seems to be at funny angle. I don't know whether it can be made more upright again. As for the curry plant, it looks as though someone sat in the middle of it. I suspect that will be a case of judicious pruning. It's getting rather overgrown anyhow so that won't harm. I'll also plant out the coriander plant we bought yesterday. We'll see if this time we can get to it before the snails do.

This afternoon we're aiming at a shoe shop. The one thing I need before we go on holiday is some new sandals. My present ones are decidedly tatty & starting to fall apart. I hate shoe shopping. I always come back feeling like some grotesque clown with great clapper feet. Feet do seem to be getting bigger these days, so my size 7 don't stand out as much as they did in my youth. Nonetheless the choice does still tend to be limited & it's very rare I can find something stylish as well as comfortable. We'll see. Wish me luck.

Tuesday 16 August 2011

A bit of a change

The last time we ventured down to the pet shop to buy some bird food, they were out of sunflower seeds. As we were completely out of seeds the Fox bought another variety, a different mix from the usual wild bird seed mix he was also buying. This new one is supposed to attract robins & finches. I filled up the feeders on Saturday & we waited the results.


This summer we have had plenty of greenfinches. Indeed they were the ones who munched their way through all the sunflower seeds.

The birds soon found the feeders were once more full, but the range remained the same. The blackbirds seemed to return more often to the bird table, mainly because they were enjoying the burnt crackling we put out from our Saturday pork meal.. But he daily visits to rootle around the flower beds and lawn.

Then, yesterday, as I showed Angie, our cleaner, into the kitchen, there, sat on the garage roof, was a robin. From then on, more often than not, a flash of orangy-red could be seen around the feeder, especially the lower one, where I'd put the new seed mix. He looks set to become a regular visitor.

He always has visited in the harsh times of winter, but now he seems to be coming in milder times too. He has also been a keen cheese eater. If ever we find some cheese rind to put out, you can guarantee the robin will appear shortly after. That's clearly a treat for him.


I find something quite cheery about his brightly coloured breast. But then I love the vivid yellow flashes on the greenfinches, the soft grey of the collared doves, the pinky purple of the wood-pigeons, the clown faces of the goldfinches. All are welcome in our garden.



Monday 15 August 2011

Mad

I can't believe it! I've just heard on the radio that the government is now contemplating removing benefits from people found guilty of participating in the recent riots. Is it just me, how is it going to help to remove people's income, as well as their homes from them?

The vast majority of people in receipt of state benefits need that income. Most are unwell or unemployed. That doesn't mean they are lazy. Most do want work, want to earn their own money but can't for some reason. Yes, some people who are out of work aren't seriously looking for work, but that is usually because they have had so many rejections they cannot face any more, at least not without help & support. 

Certainly these are among the people may have had some cause to riot, to want changes in the system, want to be able to have some reason to hope, to realistically dream of a better life for themselves & their families. What they don't need is being made hungry, homeless & poorer than they already are. 

In what I have written I'm not condoning the riots. Where crimes have been committed, they should be punished. Personally I can see no justification for the vandalism, arson & theft that took place. I just don't see how these penalties, affecting not only those involved but their, often innocent, families, are going to make a happier & safer society in which to live.

Sunday 14 August 2011

Dreams

AS I set about preparing dinner yesterday, I listened to "Saturday Live" on BBC Radio 4. So much of the programme seemed to be about dreams, in various forms, & their importance.

As the day I passed I couldn't help returning to the idea. Dreams are important. Life without them has little value. It is the dreams, the hopes, the aspirations that keep you going through the inevitable bad patches that come to you in life. It is the dreams, hopes, aspirations that lift you when all around looks grim.

Often the dreams are more important, more valuable, than the reality. So often a dream can be fulfilled but leave you unsatisfied, if not positively disappointed. It is the dreaming part of the process that is so important.

Part of the difficulty of being depressed is that you have no dreams. The world is just black. There is no spark of light bringing hope.

I can't help thinking that if the recent riots were indeed a reflection of disgruntlement in society, maybe it is those dreams, whatever they are, that are missing. People cannot see a better society, any way their lives can realistically stand a chance of being improved. If that is the case I cannot help thinking the proposed eviction of rioters & their families from social housing is going to help matters. Presumably even to be in social housing these are people with little money. I cannot see how making them homeless is going to help. They will have even more cause for despair & anger with the system in which they must live in such circumstances.

The wonderful thing about dreams is that you don't have to have money or status. Dreams can be about meeting new friends, about small everyday things like a good meal, about the possibility of seeing a new bird or flower appear in your surrounds. Above all they're about some improvement, no matter how small, in the quality of your life. 

Dream on.

Friday 12 August 2011

Forms

I reckon I know what we will be doing over the weekend - form filling. Documents have arrived from the travel company enclosing various forms to fill in. Off hand, I do not know the dimensions and weights of my wheelchair, bed cradle, stick/stool. They need lists of medical conditions, medications, insurance details including emergency numbers. I can see it's going to take quite a time.

I'm telling myself they're just being thorough. With all these details, if there is a problem, they should be able to solve it without one of us having to concern us with the admin side. We'll just be left with the worrying about the other person. I'm telling myself it's good, but just at the moment the forms seem a bit overwhelming. You can tell it's a disability company, obviously used to dealing with medical emergencies. Hopefully we will not need these services.

On the good side we've been sent a little more info about the places we stop at. Cologne cathedral sounds as though it's a must see. I gather one evening there will be a musical trio coming on board to entertain us. Some of the scenery we pass through sounds fabulous & we will be passing through it in daylight to be able to see & appreciate it.

The holiday seems more of a reality.

Thursday 11 August 2011

It's booked!

The holiday's booked. We're off on the Rhine cruise next month. 

In many ways the idea of Venice & the Adriatic Coast appealed but there's no denying it Dusseldorf is a shorter flight for the Fox to try. Also sitting on a boat, watching the world go by, should be a more relaxing trip, rather than charging around to see the sights of Venice. There are organised trips, all in wheelchair accessible coaches, if we should desire. Usually though, the boat should be moored up in the centre of towns so it should be easy to investigate on our own if we wish. The towns visited have been chosen with access in mind.

Normally we would prefer a longer holiday but even just a week has some advantages. It won't mean taking a huge suitcase which will make it easier for the Fox to cope with as we get it to & from the airport & boat.

Our biggest risk would seem to be coming back enormous as it's all about fine dining with breakfast, elevenses, lunch, mid-afternoon tea & dinner, all included in the price. Waistlines watch out.

I'm relieved that the Fox seems as excited as I am. I did feel as though he only suggested going as he thought I needed a holiday & that was part of the cause of my depression. Now it's booked he's as pleased as could be, as well as being relieved to know the company we are going with will assist if either of us have problems as a result of disability and/or health.

I hastily rang up the holiday insurance people. We bought an annual insurance in March, before our trip to Cyprus & the Fox's stroke. We expected a mammoth increase in the premium due to the stroke, but no. They took the attitude since the change in medical conditions was after the time we bought the policy, there was no need to notify them, let alone change any of the terms, including the premium. So that's that side of the holiday covered at no extra expense.

Now we're set to find out more about the destinations, to see if there is anywhere we particularly want to visit. Time to dream a little.

Wednesday 10 August 2011

What a difference a day makes!

What a difference a day makes! Yesterday was sunshine, though mid-afternoon a cold wind got up. Today is wet, wet, wet & very windy. Definitely wild.

We're once more contemplating whether we could manage a holiday. Once more I've looked at the Isle of Man but the problem is the island seems pretty booked up through to October. And we want to go when there is a chance of some warmth.


I finally hit upon the idea of contacting one of the disabled travel companies. We're looking into the possibilities of either a holiday in Venice - I've never been so that would be quite an adventure for me - or a Rhine river cruise, in September. We can't go much before as the Fox has to make yet another hospital trip to get the results of his MRI scan at the beginning of September. At least going with a disabled travel company does ensures everything, including transport to & from the airport, will be accessible. There's even usually help pushing me around if the Fox is too weary. Or the possibility of hiring electric scooters for us both if we need them to get around.


Meanwhile we watch the news on the TV, and the riots. I'm having difficulty thinking of them as riots. To me the characteristic of a riot is anger that has got out of control. But that doesn't seem to be happening here. It may have started that way in Tottenham, but now the mayhem has been taken over by something else. These seems to be more about greed, about looting, about childplay got out of hand.

I can't understand why so many young people are not at home with their families. Our neighbours wouldn't risk their children out in such potential danger. Certainly the riots in Manchester, a place I know, were taking place in the centre of Manchester, a city where few people actually live in the city centre. They must of travelled a bit even if you are talking about an area such as Moss Side. 

Often it seems the poor who are being victimised rather than the wealthy. It is they who are losing their homes above shops being burned down. It is the small corner shop that often is ransacked & burnt. It's people who are just keeping their heads above water, not the wealthy or the powerful. It can't be an anti-fat-cats protest if that's the case. Any more than it is an anti-the-system protest. I don't understand.

I can see young people getting caught up in the frenzy, finding a sort of exuberance in the burning, enjoying the flames & the looting, a sense of no holes barred. But I don't believe that they would instigate it. There's something more here.


I suppose our own concerns are with our family as the riots hit Manchester. The Fox's brother works for the police there. We worry he might be caught up in the violence. We worry, too, the violence may move into the suburbs where his brother lives too. We can't help feeling lucky that, so far, there are no signs of such violence around here. Maybe today's wet weather will put a dampener on the rioters too. Let's hope so.

Tuesday 9 August 2011

Still wobbly

The meatball curry is plopping away. I was going to make some burgers with the minced beef, but the Fox was rather down yesterday (frustration with his leg as much as anything else), especially after a rather disappointing pilchard pizza  dinner. He fancied a curry, so curry it is.

The sun is actually shining today. The washing is out on the line. Only two things remain to dry. The rest is safely folded in the airing cupboard or in the bag for ironing - tomorrow's task.

Angie, our cleaner, came yesterday. I'd barely greeted her when she asked what was wrong. There was me thinking I was over the worst of the depression, at least sufficiently so as not to have it written all over my face. Apparently not! Still, I do feel I'm heading the right direction which is the main thing.

I'm off to see the doctor tomorrow. I've decided that the stomach pain I had a couple of weeks ago is, in fact, an adverse reaction to medication. Every night since I've been woken with severe stomach pains or cramp in my toes, the very same symptoms that got me changed from one lot of pills to this lot to treat the same problem. Last time it took best part of a year before the symptoms appeared. This time it's just 8 months. That's partially because the dosage was doubled when it was discovered I had CKD (Chronic Kidney Disease). We'll see what the doc says but I expect to be trying another variant. Meanwhile lack of sleep is not helping my sense of well-being. Hopefully things will improve soon.

Monday 8 August 2011

Need for support

I've just been listening to "Generations Apart" on Radio 4. It featured the lives of various people as they face becoming 65. 

I can't help thinking that the common factor with so many of the people is the need for support &, so often, the lack of that support. 

We heard about the life of one 65 year old taking on the task of being a full-time parent to her 7 year old grand-daughter. Needless to say she worries how she will manage on her own when the little girl grows older. Social Services may have asked her to take on the role but they offer her no support in actually doing so, not even a few encouraging words.


Another copes with his wife's increasing dementia. One day he came  home early from work & discovered the carers he was paying for just standing at the bus stop. He made enquiries of concerned neighbours who said the carers were always in the garden on their mobiles while his wife was parked in front of the TV unsupervised. He'd come to the conclusion that he'd have to retire early to look after her as it was the only way he could be confident of her getting the level of care he felt she needed & deserved. He longed for someone to occasionally talk to who could understand him. His wife no longer even recognised him & rarely could understand anything he said. He worries too about what will happen as he grows older, especially as she is only likely to deteriorate further. He's already aware of physical toll on him looking after her by himself 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Support again is not forthcoming.

There somehow seems to be an assumption that people have good supportive families living nearby who will help in times of need. Today that just isn't so. Our nearest family is in Manchester. They work so hardly have time to support us even if they, & we, wanted it. I suspect that's typical of many people these days. Families move apart. Children move away from home, often to another part of the world, let alone to another part of the country, or even world.

If you are lucky, you have a good partner, then you can do as we do. I sometimes think we're like a pair of flying buttresses, each weak in ourselves, but by leaning on one another become a strong entity, capable of coping with most difficulties thrown up by life. For some, it's good friends and/or neighbours who play the role. Either way everyone needs support at some time, it's just a pity so many people don't find it.

Sunday 7 August 2011

A cheery start to the day

What a start to the day! As so often I put the radio on as I woke up. Sometimes I drift off back to sleep. I think I probably did do just that for a time. But then I found myself listening more attentively to the programme.

So what was the subject of the discussion? The cost of funerals. Not really the subject I would have thought anyone would want to wake up to. I supposed it has a religious significance so regarded as a topic to be covered in a Sunday morning religious programme. But even so it's not exactly something you would want to wake up to.

I have to confess I found myself thinking of the funerals I've helped to arrange. The first time I was shocked by the sheer price. They reckon these days the minimum you will have to pay is £2500. Most funerals cost nearer £3000. That's a lot of money.

As the programme went on to comment, this comes at a time when you are suffering from the shock of the loss of a loved one. We certainly didn't shop around to find the cheapest price. We went to the first place we could find, especially since, so far, the only funerals we have had to arrange have been in Manchester, miles away from where we live. Even locally my choice of funeral directors would probably be decided by repute, or just whoever I could find.

In the cases we have dealt with the estate left more than covered the cost of the funeral, but it would have been worrying indeed if there were no savings for the purpose. For myself, I don't care what is done with my body when the time comes. As far as I'm concerned I don't expect to be there to be bothered. But the people we were arranging for I think would have liked a decent burial, in a presentable coffin, with a gravestone on their graves to mark their having lived.

I was surprised to hear how some funeral directors make excessive profit from the deal. I didn't realise there was variation in cost according to the time of the funeral. Apparently it is a lot cheaper at 9am than at 11am. I can see how a later time would be more popular as it would give time for mourners to arrive, sometimes from quite a distance away. But we were never offered a choice of times or told the difference in price. We were just relieved the time offered was convenient & soon. I suspect that's the case most of the time.

I gather many older people worry about how they will be able to pay for a decent funeral for themselves & often their spouses or partners. So many people have very little by way of savings behind them for that inevitable rainy day. In such circumstances £3000 is a very great deal indeed.

Saturday 6 August 2011

Down & up

My spirits seem to sink again when we went to the Pub in the afternoon. I'm not sure why. It was a good turn out. Most people seemed in good humour. Maybe it's just that I was aware of the Fox's dis-ease (for which read his blog). Maybe it's just I have a tendency to withdraw into myself in a crowd & there did seem to be a crowd & I was still trying to rise from the abyss into which I'd fallen earlier in the week.

However, my spirits did rise a bit with the Fox's Moroccan spicy chicken casserole. Delicious & flavoursome. Tomatoey with underlying aromatic spices. 

Later in the evening we decided to open a bottle & have a chat. I was in two minds as to how much that appealed as my mouth still felt filled with the taste of the meal. The Burgundy white soon permeated through, creamy, fruity & stony. It was good. Once more my spirits started to rise. I think I'm just still in a delicate state of mind, but, on the whole, I still feel I'm heading in the right direction.

Friday 5 August 2011

Black dog on the prowl

Churchill's black dog has been visiting. I'm coming to the conclusion that maybe relaxing is not a good thing. So often it results in a spell of depression. I found myself being overwhelmed by a sense of having to drive myself to do things & wondering why bother. I felt tired, oh so tired. Not in a sleepy way, but rather tired of life, tired of its demands, of its inevitable routines some of which I find disturbing if they're not there. I found myself metaphorically, as well as literally, holding onto the Fox till the cloud passed over.

What brought this on? I've no idea. The only thing I can suppose is that it is related to how much stress I've been under since the Fox's stroke. This week the Fox has done a lot more cooking. For no particular reason my culinary mind had strayed into the realm of Chinese food with the result the wok has come out & the Fox is the master of that equipment. As a result I've had quieter mornings, with no food to prepare.  In theory I should have been able to relax & feel suitably refreshed by now. Instead I did start to relax, with the result the damming wall came down & I discovered just how drained I really was. Even the slightest pressure became too much as no reserves remained.

I finally admitted to the Fox yesterday the state I was getting into. Maybe that was the turn in the corner. Certainly by the time we had enjoyed some delicious spicy pork for dinner, my cooking effort, my spirits were starting to rise again.

I'm relieved to say I'm feeling much more myself this morning. For the first time in days I'm not contemplating killing myself. I'm even beginning to feel a little wonder at the world as I see the rain gently falling on the herbs. I'm starting to think life is not so bad after all..

Wednesday 3 August 2011

Pictures of the time

As at the end/beginning of every month, the Fox turns the page of our two calendars to reveal the pictures for the coming month.

The kitchen calendar is a freebie, sent each year by our travel agent. Last month we spent with a fabulous misty, almost autumnal, Tuscan scene. The sense of recession between the layers of mist, the columnar trees, the terracotta roof of the farmhouse, all captured something of Italy at its most attractive - a dream of Italy.

Now, in August, we've moved on to Mexico. This really is a naff image. The colour is odd. The sea looks a tempting turquoise, but the land & plants have an unnatural yellow colour cast. The construction of the picture is awful. It just some bit of rocky shoreline  with a crumbling building above. It could be almost anywhere. A bit of a dump. Definitely this would not tempt you to go to Mexico.

I can't help thinking we could have provided better pictures ourselves.. I presume this image of Mexico was cheap. It certainly should have been. Roll on September. Hopefully then we will have something more exciting.


Our other calendar, the one we bought for ourselves, to light up a dark bit of the hallway, is of the work of Tiffany. There is a paragraph of text telling you something of Tiffany & the way his glass designs evolved. The colours are bright, the images may be static but they have an early 20th century sense of style. This month we are looking at a poppy design, full of vibrant colour. Our only dissatisfaction is the inevitable one that the glass is designed to be illuminated with light from behind, whereas a print loses that luminosity, flattens the colours a bit. But even so, wow. This calendar cheers me up every time I pass it. It's a calendar I'm really enjoying. Last year's Gustav Klimt one I got bored with half way through to year. Not this one. At the end of every  month I look forward to discover what new image lies ahead.

Tuesday 2 August 2011

Going professional

Another easy meal today. The next item on the list of freezer contents is smoked salmon. I've decided it's going in a kedgeree so all I need to do by way of preparation is boil some eggs. This has duly been done.

Mr P, the retired music teacher, is back from is hols & full of enthusiasm for his new enterprise. He's decided to set up in the catering business. He's found some premises to open up as a restaurant. A friend, who is an interior designer has drawn up some designs & he is now excitedly planning his re-decoration work, most of which he intends to do himself. The idea is for the restaurant to only open a couple of days a month as a dining club, pre-booked tables & meals only. Most of the time he anticipates using the kitchen for preparing food for weddings, parties etc, held elsewhere.

I have to admit, much as I love cooking (a fact I'm sure you will all have realised by now!), the last thing on earth I would want to do is open up a restaurant. I know they reckon every good home cook has that dream but it has never been so for me. To cook for two, or up to about 6, on a regular basis is enough for me. I think that is part of the reason my enthusiasm for "Masterchef" died. It's become so aimed at people aspiring to work in the professional kitchen. I suspect doing a hundred covers a day for a month would cure me of any pleasure in cooking. It would become just a chore, something that has to be done, no great pleasure or source of relaxation. No, it would not be the life for me, even if I was physically able to cope with it. But good luck to Mr P in his new enterprise. I hope it doesn't disappoint him, or his guests.

Monday 1 August 2011

Culinary exploits

Angie's in for a surprise today. She usually finds food prepared ready for dinner in the evening, but not so today. I'm having a couple of days off cooking. The Fox usually cooks on Sunday. By the time I've changed the bed & sorted out the washing, my Sunday afternoon chores, I'm usually past it so he cooks. And yesterday it was a beautiful spicy but succulent prawn curry. Today it's the turn of the wok as we go Chinese.

One of the joys of emptying the freezer a bit is that you discover long-forgotten treasures. Today we're tackling a duck breast. Yes I did say a duck breast. One good thing about so many stir-fries is that you don't need a lot of meat or fish. By the time the breast is cut into strips to cook, we shouldn't realise how little there is. And in all honesty it's not so little. I have weighed the breast & discovered it weighed 8oz, not a bad quantity for two. It would just look rather pathetic if we cooked it whole & then cut it in half.

 We're hoping to do the big shop later this week, tomorrow probably. Then we will be back to planned meals. The decision of what to do with smoked salmon, the next item on the freezer list, will wait a bit. But I'm looking forward to it since the salmon is from our local smokehouse & quite delicious.