Friday 30 July 2010

A change of plans

It seems odd not rushing to do some food preparation, but yesterday I made a pie in the morning & then ended up going to the chippy instead by the evening. We had been intending to take our time & do the food shop in the afternoon.Our plans went askew when we had a couple of phone calls.

The first was from PD. Having told us Wednesday he definitely was not going to the Pub on Thursday, he was ringing to see if we were coming to the Pub. He'd got himself in such state about his benefits medical he was running himself ragged. He just couldn't just sit down to relax without being in a panic. They're having a party at their house on Sunday for his father-in-law's birthday as well as having a lot of grandchildren to look after on Saturday & Sunday and another family party to attend on Saturday evening. All this was just adding to the pressure on him. Yesterday he'd already been to the gym, done the shopping, mown the lawns. He was exhausted but just couldn't sit down without thinking, and fretting, and panicking over the medical. He obviously was desperate for distraction, to take himself out of himself a bit & give him something else to think about for a while.
We reluctantly agreed to go.

We'd been reluctant to go because this week was going to be a big shop. We'd already delayed it on Wednesday to go to the Pub for PD's sake. Now it seemed it would have to be delayed again. It was becoming urgent. It's amazing how sometimes all the basics seem to run out at the same time. This was one such week. My thoughts for meals was being severely restricted by the lack of onions, tomato ketchup, sweet chilli sauce, potatoes, flour, margarine, crackers... and then there was just a few bags of tea left in the house, antiperspirant bottles were having to be stood on end to get the last remaining drops out, cooking papers at the end of the roll, lack of freezer bags.... You name it we were running short. And that on top of a normal full weekly shop.

Not long after PD rang, we had another phone call. The Fox couldn't think who it was. "Al," the voice said. "Al who?" "The gardener." He's never rung before. "Are you coming to the Pub today?" He'd got us some red sprouting broccoli plants to grow on through the winter. He also wondered if we had any dill. He knows we have an extensive herb garden these days. "No, we have no dill, just fennel." He already had some of that in his own garden. We assured him we would be at the Pub later on for the plants. Just as well we'd decided we'd best go to the Pub. If necessary we would just buy the essentials. The rest could wait until next week.

So off to the Pub we went in the afternoon. Al was saddened to hear we had no dill. I asked him why he wanted it. I do have some old seeds he could plant but it seems rather late in the year for that it. No, he wanted to do a recipe which called for it. I explained to him most people either grow fennel or dill, not both, as they tend to cross pollinate with the result you end up with something which is neither one thing nor the other. I'd gone for fennel as it is a perennial whereas dill is an annual. However, the taste is similar. Dill tends to be a little more delicate & finer both in texture & in flavour but that's about it. You can use them interchangeably. He was dubious about this idea.

At this time the Pub chef came through, so Al asked him if he had any spare dill. Rob went to look and found some. Nervously Al tasted some. He had to admit I was right. It didn't taste so very different from the fennel which he
grows himself. Next time he needs dill, he will save himself such a hunt & just use fennel.

So it was after 5pm before we set off to the supermarket. Despite the rather full car park & queue of cars still arriving, it was surprisingly quiet. We decided to get the lot done. But by the time we were back in the car, with all that food, we felt too shattered to go home, unpack & start cooking, even something prepared, or something that could just be popped in the microwave. We decided instead to stop at the chippy on the way back for a change, which we did.

Result - today we're restocked & we've got a minced beef pie waiting in the fridge for today's dinner. The potatoes are peeled ready. Nothing more to do today until this evening.

Today we'll be off to the Pub yet again. This time we're going to support Fran & Den. Den was due at the hospital yesterday to have cameras down him & other tests to sort out what his prostrate problem is. They are both obviously fearing the worst, cancer. If it is, they will need some shoulders to cry on; if it isn't, they will want someone to celebrate with. We'll soon find out which.



Thursday 29 July 2010

Anxious times

I'm not sure who of us is in a worse state of anxiety, PD or me. We both face medicals for our benefits. His is tomorrow for his Incapacity Benefit; mine is next week for my Disability Living Allowance.

PD sees his problem lies in the fact that his main reason for being unable to work is his mental health, the sort of thing someone not trained in that field can so easily not notice, or at least not realise the devastating effect it can have on your working capability. Or even worse they think you should just buck up. We try to reassure him that he's passed in the past, & now he also has physical problems which can only help his case. But, like me, he reads the news & wonders how many people are going to be told that they can perfectly well work when they can't, just to save the government money. He's becoming a wreck. At least his CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) is giving him a letter, confirming his inability to work, to hand over at the medical. He also has a letter giving him a hospital appointment soon for his physical problems.

Our efforts to support PD are a bit half-hearted due to my own anxiety over my medical. I fear my benefits are going to be reduced, again not because I don't think I'm not entitled to them. I dread the fight to get them reinstated but fear it will have to be undertaken. For all the Fox tries to tell me I shouldn't have any problem, especially as my health has only deteriorated, I'm not convinced. I'm not really convinced he believes it himself.

In fact that's the real iniquity of the situation. Both of us wish we could be well enough to work, to earn a living, not to have to depend upon the state to have enough to live on. But, unfortunately wishing & making it a reality are not the same thing.

In both cases the sheer pressure involved is not doing either of our health much good. There must surely be a better way of validating applications than this regular ordeal.

The situation wasn't helped yesterday when the Fox & I heard one of our investments had gone belly up. Admittedly we hadn't expected to make much on it but we had hoped it would at least do some good. It was an ISA invested in some farms in Malawi, one of the poorest countries in the world. We'd hoped we could have the satisfaction of feeling we'd helped to provide a source of income & food to improve the lives of many people. Now we hear the company has gone bankrupt. We are told we will get all our capital back eventually, but it won't be until 2015 & there will be just that capital. That means that
probably, due to inflation, by 2015 the buying power will be less. And what is more those families will continue to starve.


Wednesday 28 July 2010

A patch of orange

I nudged the washing machine on to the spin programme. While it did what it had to do, I looked down the garden. My eyes were caught by a patch of orange, high up, that I hadn't noticed before. I had to go & investigate.

It turned out to be the berries on our rowan tree. The colour seems particularly vibrant at the moment. The bright orange echoed the darker, browner orange of the day lilies below.

This tree has never looked very well. And yet each year it produces a froth of white flowers in the spring, then orange berries later in the year. I've tried feeding it a bit. I've tried clearing away some of the yellow loosestrife & the day lilies that surround it.
No improvement. But it does just keeps persevering regardless.

In the front garden the flowers on the oregano are now fading. The bumble bees are still scrambling around them, but the honey bees have turned their attention to the newly opened yellow flowers of the fennel. I know numbers of honey bees are supposed to be on the decline. I'm coming to the conclusion they've just moved home - into our herb garden!

Tuesday 27 July 2010

A meal out

Yesterday we had our last-Monday-of-the-month meal. We went somewhere new this time, to the Mill Inn at Thurnham, just south of Lancaster. It's a pleasant location. Our table overlooked a lock on the canal. Several people wandered by, walking their dogs between showers. The fields were all a lush green. The cows came up to the fencing as we drove up the drive, as though just to welcome us in.

The meal itself was a little disappointing. The whitebait starter the Fox & I both had was beautiful. Then we had what was advertised as pork fillet cooked in cider. You can imagine our disappointment when a tough plain grilled pork chop arrived, with a little bit of very thick, quite appley gravy. We complained & they duly only charged for one meal by way of compensation. We discovered later that the management had only recently changed. We suspect they're having a few initial hiccoughs at the moment.

However, despite that, we had a good time. The ambiance was pleasant & relaxing. Access was good with a lift to take me in my wheelchair up to the raised ground floor of the bar & restaurant. Above all the conversation flowed well, with plenty of laughter.

I sometimes wonder why we continue with these meals at times. This time there were only 5 of us there. But this time I could see the point. Everyone seemed so cheered by the time we left.

Poor Fran & Den are having a lot of medical problems at the moment. It's getting them down. Fran had a fall in April, I think it was, & has been in bad pain in her leg ever since. Despite various tests, they don't seem to have come to any clear idea of the cause. Nothing was broken, just a severe sprain, they reckoned at the time. Since then she's had a rash on it. It keeps swelling up. They've checked for DVT, but there's no sign of that. She is a very social person who likes to be out, mixing with others every day. Instead she's had many days of staying at home all day because she's just so uncomfortable, & it's getting her down. As for Den, he's supposed to have been taking life a bit easier since his stroke, instead of which he's had to run round after Fran. And now he's got prostrate problems as well. But all these problems got left behind in the general merriment of the evening.

And if that isn't a good reason to go out for a meal with friends I don't know what is.


Monday 26 July 2010

Roundabout

Jardin Albert I, Nice

We took this photo of the fabulous roundabout in the park opposite the prom in Nice. At present it is our desktop image. Each time I boot up I'm reminded of the holiday & all the pleasure we had then.

I think it is quite wonderful. As you can see it is old, dated 1900. It is still in use, though they only seem to allow young children on for a ride. Come teatime, the lights come on, the organ grinds.

I love the two tiers & the unusual seats. It looks like a ride for fun rather than scares as so many rides seem to be today. It's a sort of epitome of my ideal of a roundabout.

There is another one of similar vintage in the Allees de la Liberte at Cannes.

They both have that ornate extravagance, typical of the belle epoque era. Magnificent.

Saturday 24 July 2010

To party or not

In theory today we're off to the church garden party this afternoon. I say in theory because I'm not convinced we'll actually get there. At least the sun is trying to shine, which is hopeful & a blessed change from normal at the moment. If the event had to be held inside we certainly wouldn't be going. The church hall, the alternative venue, is rather small. With lots of people milling around, as well as tables & chairs for people to sit at for their refreshments, there is very little room to get around in a wheelchair.

No the real reason I suspect we'll not be getting there is our exhaustion. The last I heard the Fox commented that he felt very tired & wanted, above all, to catch up on his sleep. I, myself, found I didn't wake up until after 9 am this morning, which is very unusual for me. If he oversleeps similarly, it will be getting rather late to go.

On top of which I'm intending to make a bacon roly poly for dinner. I'm hoping to cook some of the Fox's new potatoes to accompany it, & it will take a while to dig them up. They made it look so easy on "Gardeners' World" last night (on BBC2) but I know from my little experience earlier in the week that it isn't that easy in reality. Not for a novice anyhow.

On the other hand, I'm very curious to meet the new priest-in-charge who is performing her first parochial duty, by opening the garden party & presumably staying to meet some of her new parishioners. She doesn't officially start as priest until September if I remember correct. John, our last vicar, will be a hard act to follow.

Friday 23 July 2010

Unexpected visitors

As we are about to go off to the Farmers' Market the Fox calls out, "Look see. We've got a visitor". I hasten into the study. Sure enough, there, in the corner of the window, is small tortoisehell butterfly. We hastily open a window. We've no idea how our visitor got in, but the least we can do is give him a way out to the big outside world.

When we get back, the first thing we do is check on our visitor. No sign of him. He's either found a dark corner to hide in or else he's flown off.

Come dinnertime, while the Fox was busy cooking our excellent Chicken & Chorizo Paella, I thought I might as well take the vegetable peelings out to the compost heap while our temporary lake has receded. The Fox was alarmed to hear my voice through the open window. He feared I'd been having another fall.

"No," I assure him. "But you see that red leaf on the wet soil where the lake had been?" He looked out. "It's a frog. I was just saying hello & welcoming him to the garden." (I sometimes think we're a pair of nutters, between talking to our frogs, birds and bees, not to mention the potatoes & tomatoes.)

Mentioning my fall, I'm pleased to say I'm healing up well. Scabs still catch a bit, but the worst of the aches have just about disappeared now. I am, though still being surprised to discover other damages caused.

When I got changed out of my wet clothes on Monday, I'd noticed the glass but not the amount of wine I had down me. Under the wet blouse I'd been wearing, I'd been wearing a wine red coloured jumper. It felt a bit damp but I thought nothing more of it. It wasn't until I got changed for bed in the evening, that I discovered that the thin jumper I wore under the red jumper had a lovely red stain on it. Obviously some wine had seeped through. (I'm thanking all the layers I usually wear for cushioning my fall so protecting me from the worst consequences of the fall.)

By Tuesday, my attention turned to the effect the fall on the loose leaf file I'd had in my hand at the time. I'd realised the cover was scuffed. I'd managed to move it quick enough out of the stream of wine & glass so the paper inside avoided becoming wine stained. I'd thought that was it. On Tuesday I opened the file to discover the ring mechanism was damaged so one ring no longer closes properly.

Wednesday brought the damage to my sandals to the fore. These sandals were new this spring. But now the raised decorative leather stitching has changed colour. It is no longer black, but scuffed back to the natural leather colour.

So it was yesterday, I went to get another bottle of wine from the garage. This time I realised the key ring with the garage keys has been distorted. I wonder what I'll find today.

All these damages. I must have fallen with quite a wham. I'm just relieved I didn't do more damage to myself!

Thursday 22 July 2010

All of a buzz

I'm looking forward to dinner tonight. The Fox is in charge. He's having a go at a chicken & chorizo paella. It should be good.

But before that we're off to the Farmers' Market to see if we can get some of our meat supplies for the month ahead.

No doubt we will stop, as we always seem to be doing at the moment, at the herb garden en route to & from the car.

What is the source of all this interest?

It's the oregano. The flowers are not that exciting to us, but they certainly are to the wildlife. They are constantly a-buzz with bees. There's rarely less than half a dozen, usually more like a dozen,
mainly big fat bumble bees with their round hairy backsides all of a quiver. They busily scramble over the flowers. Their legs are weighed down with huge yellow pollen sacks & yet still they gather on. Yesterday they were joined by a butterfly - I'm not sure which but from the shape I would assume it was some variety of skipper - & a yellow ladybird. Occasionally they fly off to the lavender, but it is the oregano which causes the most excitement. Earlier in the year it was the chives.


Wednesday 21 July 2010

Between the showers

It's now nearly a fortnight since they started the hosepipe ban. I think every day since then it has rained, often torrentially. I see now some roads around the area are flooded. I'm not surprised. And yet they can still tell us there is a water shortage!

Between the showers yesterday, I went to gather the first of our own home grown new potatoes. I wasn't quite sure how to tackle the bags. In each bag we had placed 3 seed potatoes, but by now there is over a foot of soil on top, not to mention a jungle of greenery to fight through.

In the end I decided to try one of the first planted bags. I loosened the soil around the base of the greenery, then pulled. I ended up with a great deal of greenery & very little root. To the root were a few balls, mini-potatoes I presume, not even a quarter of an inch in diameter. I shoved my hand in the soil. I found something - one very soft squidgy mess that looked like it was a rotten potato broken in half. Oh dear. I tried again.

Eventually I found a couple of potatoes about half an inch in diameter. My heart was sinking. After all the Fox's hard work, watering, topping up with soil, removing the flowers before they turned to seed, giving them their daily pep talk and this was it!

I tried taking out another lot of greenery. One decent sized, though ominously dark, potato and a few more tiny ones. By then it was turning wet, so I decided to go in & hoped I had enough. I was only making up the quantity of the remaining few shop bought new potatoes we already had in. I duly scraped & scrubbed them. The one reasonable sized potato we'd grown turned out to be another rotten one. There still didn't look enough potatoes for the two of us for dinner.

The shower had ceased. I rolled up my sleeves to bare my arm (the one without the plastered hand at the end), & ventured out again to do battle. This time I pushed my arm deep into the soil. I was rewarded with something round & firm. I pulled it out. Sure enough a good reasonable looking potato. I tried again. Soon I discovered a whole layer of them, all healthy looking & sensibly sized. I took in the half dozen, scrubbed them down & added them to those already prepared. At last I'd found some good ones. Maybe the Fox won't be too disheartened.

So, come the evening, & much rain later, we got down to the important task of eating them. Delicious, though I must remember to cook them for less time than normal. They seem to cook quicker than the average shop bought ones. Maybe it's the freshness. They set off the spicy prawns & chorizo a treat & that's the main thing.

When I stop to think about it, it's not surprising that the potatoes lower down should be bigger. After all they have been in the soil longer. Next time I'm letting the Fox do the rummaging. They took next to no time to prepare - just a quick scrub, easy to do even if time is short.

And the Fox has got longer arms!

Tuesday 20 July 2010

Abortive flying attempt

Once more I'm sore & aching, the result of an abortive attempt at flying.

Yesterday I popped over to the garage for some wine. On the way back I went flying. The bottle of wine crashed onto the back door step, glass sprayed out all around & I lay sprawled on the concrete yard. I did my best to roll out of the path of red wine & glass splinters. I lay then for a while in the rain as I tried to regain my breath & nerves. I looked down at my hand to see it was red, not just with the wine but there was also the scarlet of blood. I struggled up & staggered in, gingerly stepping over the broken glass.

Once inside I shouted "Help! Help!" to the Fox. Then I turned my attention to my hands. Was there glass in it? From the look of my blouse I was covered in muck & the green shards of glass. I rinsed the muck off my hands. No, I couldn't see glass. I nervously touched the sources of the blood. No sharp points, so presumably any glass had washed out. By this time the Fox had appeared & we fought to get a plaster on. (Why do they put plasters in sealed sleeves that are almost impossible to open one handed, especially if you are trying to staunch a flow of blood?)

I got changed. My blouse was filthy. I shook it well outside, hoping to dislodge any glass. My trousers were sodden. I was shaking by this time as shock well and truly set in. Meanwhile
the Fox cleared the glass outside. He then made me some tea, before we both had a lie down to recover from the shock of it all.

My left shoulder has been badly wrenched, making it difficult to reach up. It seemed to ease by the time I went to bed last night, but stiffened up once more by this morning. My left elbow is scuffed so it now catches on any covering clothing. My right shoulder feels bruised, as does my right knee & foot. Both hands have little cuts.

The Fox ended up cooking last night. Fortunately it was a simple bacon & passata sauce with pasta twists. He found another bottle of wine to accompany it.

And I'm trying to take it easy today. I'm telling myself that it could have been worse. No bones are broken. It will all heal given time. But that doesn't stop it being sore, nor does it stop my self-confidence taking a bit of a nose-dive. These little accidents happen too often these days.

Monday 19 July 2010

Fascination with detail

I've just been listening to this morning's "Today" programme on BBC Radio 4. Towards the end of it, there was an audio diary by the writer, Diana Athill, on life in a retirement home. She commented that when so many everyday worries were taken away from you, it is easy to become bored, then obsessed by small things. It is those things that gain great importance. Her present obsession concerns some wasps (or are they?).

I can't help thinking that it isn't just when you become older, as in her case, this happens. It happens when you become disabled too. I've been writing this blog for a couple of years now. Most of it is about small things because they are what fill my life. I don't have the whirl of business or social life to write about because that is non-existent or very limited. Instead I obsess about the plant & animal life in our garden, my trips in the Mean Machine, my electric scooter, that take on the proportions of an expedition in my eyes, and my food, the one thing I still try to prepare most days though often I act in a more supervisory position as the Fox does the actual cooking.

I suppose I've always tended to be a person who zooms in on the small details of life. That was part of the enjoyment of studying law, where my pedantic streak could come to the fore in arguing my cases. In my dressmaking days, it was my attention to detail that brought me custom & earned me a living. When our enthusiasm turned to photography, it was noticeable that most of the telephoto shots were taken by me, while the Fox favoured the wide-angle lens. So now my focus zooms on to my home, my friends & on the Fox.

Saturday 17 July 2010

Holiday or no holiday

Ever since we came back from France, indeed even before we went to France, we've been contemplating where to go for our next holiday. The whole idea of getting away has seemed so important because we hadn't been away for a while before & yet we'd coped with numerous deaths & a new kitchen being installed. Then when we did go away, either to near Perpignan or to Italy it hadn't proved to be the most restful of holidays, at least partly because we were just too tired to appreciate them. We'd left it too long. No, we decided, these days we need two holidays a year. It wasn't a matter of choice.

As this August we're coming up to our coral (35th) wedding anniversary, we thought that was a good excuse to get away then. When it was our pearl (30th), we'd taken the pearl as a theme & ended up in the Netherlands. There must be something we could find on the theme of coral for this year. Certainly 35 years seem worthy of celebrating.

Our first thought was the Great Barrier Reef. It's a part of Australia we've never visited. Queensland is where our friend Nesta, the reason for our other visits to Australia, had come from. It would be interesting to see some of the places she had written so often about, However, the thought of such a long flight deterred us, especially with the recession hitting our finances at the moment.

Then we floated the idea of Barbados to see the coral rag buildings,or the Maldives before they disappeared with global warming. Still we felt uninspired. Our thoughts turned to Europe. Cyprus & Coral Bay, perhaps, but we didn't fancy returning there. Somewhere in Britain, maybe, Now we thought of Brighton (neither of us have visited the Sussex coast), or the Isle of Man, just a quick ferry trip from here, but famed for its hand dived scallops. Still we couldn't be bothered.

At the end of the day we've come to the conclusion the reason we can't decided is that neither of us is really that bothered about going away. Our holiday in Provence was wonderfully relaxing. Our exhaustion had already been eased by our weekends away in Liverpool & London earlier in the year. What is more this year, for the first time in a while, we've had a reasonable summer here, at home. We feel we've felt the sun on our faces, dined out often in the garden. So we're not going away. We're not even going to think about it again until we begin to feel the need for a break. Then we will decide where.

I suppose some of our reluctance to decide on anywhere is related to not being sure of our finances. My benefits are under review, & the government keeps making statements about the need to tighten up on benefits especially Disability Living Allowance, the one I'm waiting for a decision on. I dread
I will be denied my benefit immediately. Although I am confident I am entitled to them, & would get them back eventually, there may be a lean spell when a large portion of our income dries up for several months until they are re-instated & I get the back pay.

So what are we doing to celebrate? At present, our solution is a nice meal at our local Cantonese restaurant. The food is always good there. In the reception area there is a huge fish tank, with some coral in it. We can have some scallops with their coral to eat. So we can still follow the coral theme. And we will still have a special evening to celebrate.

Friday 16 July 2010

Rain, rain, rain

I'm beginning to think God has decided the Lakes should be filled in double quick time. Ever since the hosepipe ban began it seems to have rained. What is more, it's not just light showers. It is torrential downpours, even thunderstorms, often accompanied by gale force winds. On Wednesday I had a quick tidy in the herb garden. I cut down the tall fennel stalks that had been blown down over the wall into our neighbours' garden, but I see today yet more has been blown over. In the back the luxuriant foliage of the potatoes is splayed all over, making it very difficult to get to the actual bags for when we want to pick which should be any day now. The wheelie bins are drifting across the concrete ground, nearly falling over the step into the lake that has re-appeared, blocking the way to the greenhouse & the compost bin. And the forecast is for yet more rain.

Thursday 15 July 2010

On a rollercoaster

It's been a rollercoaster couple of days. I've been out on the Mean Machine, my electric scooter, both mornings. On Tuesday it was to buy some fresh sardines & prawns, on Wednesday to collect our prescriptions. The assistant at the chemist shop was stunned as I left with 11 items plus one off prescription item. Such is the level of our decrepitude!

Tuesday was a low day for both of us. We were both out of sorts, tired & rather low - a reflection on my part of my anxiety over benefits, & on the Fox's as he still struggles with his tinnitus. It didn't help when we discovered the car was leaking petrol. We hastily got round to the garage where we were told to bring it back the next day.

So Wednesday the car was repaired. It only took him 10 minutes. He didn't charge. He reckoned the car was once more good as new. Despite its 14 years of age, he reckons it will last a good many years yet. We had begun to think the time had come to look around for something younger. Our spirits rose a bit.

Hopefully today will get back to something more normal. I've had sleeping pills the last couple of nights to try to catch up on some sleep, although I have ended up waking both nights at 2.30am. The significance of that hour I have no idea. At least my eyes are no longer bloodshot with tiredness. I'm looking forward to the Crab & Watercress Quiche the Fox is making tonight. It should be good. Hope so.

Monday 12 July 2010

The weed

Looking out of the window yesterday, I noticed a tall shoot standing in the herb garden. All the rain we've had over the last few days has certainly encouraged everything to grow by the inch. Needless to say, as there was a lull between the showers, I had to go out to investigate. It turned out to be the bergamot. It looks as though it's getting ready to flower. That should be exciting - the first time we will have seen it. I only planted it this year.

What surprised me even more was the plant next to the bergamot. For some time there have been some rather large leaves that I didn't recognise. I'd asked Al, our gardener, if he knew what it was. He didn't but took the attitude that if you didn't know a thing with leaves that size, it must be a weed to be hoicked out. I'd left it in. I'm always curious to discover what has self-seeded itself & it may just have interesting flowers even if it is a weed. So you can imagine my amazement when I noticed some buds on it which showed that it was the echinacea I'd planted last year & which I'd thought had died off in the snow & ice of last winter. Soon the pink flowers will be opening up. I'm glad I'd didn't pull out that "weed".

Strange day

Today seems set to be an odd day. First there'll be a lot of waiting. This morning I'm expecting the wheelchair repair people to come to service my chair. They're supposed to do this annually, but it's the first time I've seen then since we went to Canada in 2008.

Then this afternoon I'm expecting the survey engineer to come about the new central heating boiler we applied for last autumn. We had hoped to get this sorted out in time for last winter, now we're hoping they can get the job done for this coming winter.

After that later this afternoon it's party time. As we've got the gift for Gaz, the departing the manager at the Pub, we must be there.

As a result of all this unsettlement, we've decided to abandon cooking this evening. We'll eat out or get a takeaway on the way back. I'm too on edge waiting even now to settle to peel potatoes. After every sentence, or at every sound or sense of movement, my eyes rapidly move from screen, out of the window, to look up the street in the hope of seeing an approaching van. Even wheelchair service people tend to assume you're out if you don't get to the door quick. I don't do grease lightning these days.

Saturday 10 July 2010

Big feet

There are days when I just feel cack-handed, or rather cack-mouthed, & today is one such day. Having put my feet in things with one set of friends on the phone this morning, I am now feeling nervous about phoning any of the other friends & family I had intended to ring, to offer them love, support & understanding. Not today, I think, I don't want to alienate everyone.


Friday 9 July 2010

It begins

AND SO the hosepipe begins today. Needless to say it is raining to celebrate the fact! Like most people around here I do resent being short of water when only a few months ago we were literally inundated with water. Our problem then was getting through streams in gardens & across roads. Extra lakes appeared all over the place. As for the poor people in Cockermouth & Workington, talk about adding insult to injury! I really can't help being struck by the thought that our water authority must be singularly inefficient in their collection & storage of water. Heaven knows what they would do in a really dry country like Australia for example.

Not that it makes much difference to us. Our lawn has remained lush green - the only one in the area according to Al, our gardener. I did a bit of weeding in the rockery yesterday & below the dry crust the soil almost oozed water. The only watering we do is to our vegetables & pot plants. They're in full sun (when it deigns to appear) & with limited soil & therefore limited water retention. They are all in pots or raised beds on concrete. Fortunately they've not banned watering cans. We'll leave what water we have in our water butts for now in case they decide tap water can no longer be used for any purpose in the garden!

Thursday 8 July 2010

Spectacular openings

The Fox cooked yesterday, a beef in ale casserole. By the time it was almost complete it was still too early to eat but not enough time to do anything much. We decided to switch off the cooker & sit outside over an aperitif or two before dinner, watching the birds flitting to & fro from their feeders.

When we came in, the Fox got the casserole back on to warm it up & put some potatoes in the microwave for jackets. Suddenly I shrieked, "Look! Look!"

He turned round alarmed. He thought either I'd had an accident or he'd done something wrong. It was neither of these. Instead one of the tiger lily buds had started to open. The first petal was unfurling.

From then on we kept looking from time to time. By the time we'd eaten, it had opened up further. The stamens were protruding. These seemed 2-3 times as big as those on the already open flower.

By the time it was nearer 9pm, the Fox insisted I had to get up from the settee I was sat on in the lounge and see something amazing. Now both buds were open. The first one was wide open, even beginning to curl back in the characteristic way lilies, especially tiger lilies, do. The full glory of the orange-red tips & spotted orange-yellow centres was apparent.

So it was eagerly I got up this morning. Now both buds are fully opened & curled back. The stamens are still larger than the earlier flowers. They seem both fatter & longer. Is this just because no insect has yet visited collecting some of the pollen? I wonder. Whatever the cause they are magnificent.

Tuesday 6 July 2010

Tiger beauty

Yesterday I tried to write a blog. Every time I did I had a problem. First I tried to put in a hyperlink & then couldn't get out to write normally. I had to scrap the sentence I'd written & start again. This time I'd barely got started when the phone rang. By the time I'd got back I'd recovered from the urge to throw something at the computer for its earlier lack of cooperation, but I'd also lost the thread of what I was going to write about - something to do with a comparison of the literary styles of PG Wodehouse & Raymond Chandler. The thought had been inspired by listening to "A Point of View" on BBC Radio 4 on Sunday. Still that is now lost.

Instead I'm going to write about the garden once more. At one point yesterday I was out in the garden when my eye wandered in the direction of the flattened yellow loosestrife. It was a bit of red-orange that caught my eye. Upon investigation I discovered it was a couple of lilies in flower. They too had been flattened.

Most of the lilies that grow in the garden are day lilies. As these flowers rarely last more than 24 hours it isn't worth cutting them. However, the flowers that had flattened in the recent strong winds were tiger lilies, a welcome self-seeded arrival. So I duly cut them & put then in a vase. Since then I've spent much time just looking at, & admiring, them.

I'd always assumed lilies, like most flowers, emerged from a sepal bud. But no. On these the bud itself is slowly turning more orange. Through the green of the buds I can just manage to distinguish the characteristic spots which make these tiger lilies so special. I'm looking forward to watching them opening out over the course of the next few days.

Meanwhile the Fox was surprised when he moved the vase. His hand accidentally brushed against the flowers. Suddenly his hand was covered with a deep orange powder. He must have brushed against the stamens & was now covered with pollen. The sheer quantity amazed him.

Sunday 4 July 2010

A change of weather

The weather's certainly changed. It's overcast for the first time in ages. Today is very breezy indeed. The trees & other plants are tossing this way & that. The yellow loosestrife is largely lying down as though some great elephant has sat down in the midst of it.

I contemplate going off to church. I get my coat on, just in case the forecast rain appears. I step out & slowly make my way to the garage and the Mean Machine. As I put the key into the lock on the garage door I'm aware of a first drop arriving on my specs. I go back into the house, take off my coat & settle down to "The Archers" instead. The Mean machine, my electric scooter, does not appreciate the rain, so there is no point in continuing further. Clearly this is a day I'm not supposed to go to church.

Saturday 3 July 2010

Party time

We're preparing for a party. Or even two.

First comes Helen K's birthday. The actual day is on Thursday but the celebrating will be done on Friday at the Pub.

Then we're having a leaving party for Gaz, manager at the Pub for the last 10 years. He's off to Arnside, & the Albion on the Thursday afterwards. A week on Monday he will do his last shift at the Pub, so once he finishes that at 3pm, it will turn into party time until late in the evening as different groups of regulars come and go. First guests are us lot, Geriatrics' Corner, the afternoon crowd. We give way to the tea-time lot who arrive about 5 as we leave. Then come the evening regulars.

It will be sad to see Gaz go, but it is the right decision for him we're all certain. He's due to get married in January & they're hoping to have a family soon. At present they live over the Pub, no place to bring up a family. They've found a separate flat to rent in Arnside for the moment until they can start on the property ladder & buy their own place. The move also means a higher income which he will also need if he's to fulfill his dreams.

I suspect when he does go, Geriatrics' Corner will well & truly die. It's never been the same since Little B died last year. It's only on a Friday that many people turn up. It's a pity, but that's the way life goes. I suspect most people have only continued to go to support Gaz. Once he goes it will only be those for whom the Pub is their local who will continue going. I dare say we will continue to go whenever we know PD or Mr P will be in, but otherwise we will probably be turning our custom more towards our own village hostelry. Life moves on for all of us

Friday 2 July 2010

Growing anxiety

Yesterday was a bad day for my anxieties. It started when I found a message from the Fox indicating there were some messages for me on the answerphone. I duly listened. It was a friend I hadn't heard from for some time. She sounded distressed so I hastily rang her.

She, too, suffers mental health problems although in her case she suffers from paranoia. She'd had another breakdown. Although she reckoned she was now a lot better, she was trying to put together what events of the last week or so were real. In her own mind things really happened but she is aware that during such episodes her reality is not the same as other people's. She's been left feeling persecuted & terrified. Was a neighbour actually taunting her, or had what happened been a series of odd coincidences? She'd turned to me in the hope that I would a) believe that these things had happened, were real to her & they weren't just a figment of her imagination to be poo-poohed, b) be able to suggest some sort of more probable & more logical explanation of what happened, & c) be able to give her some reassurance that she wasn't somehow being manipulated by some evil person to react in the way she had & which was beyond her control. I did my best. She went away happier & feeling she had something more reasonable & sensible to consider as a solution to recent events.

Thinking about her mental health problems reminded me about my present anxieties over the renewal of my Disability Living Allowance. In the post later in the morning a letter duly arrived about the benefit. They advised me they'd come to no immediate decision & would be writing to my GP. My GP has always asked to be forewarned about any such queries. So I duly rang the surgery to let him know, only to discover he had retired earlier this year & I had been automatically allocated to another doctor at the practice. Great! That means that the GP who gets the letter won't have even seen me, will probably not have any idea who I am or the problems I have beyond any that are recorded on my medical files.

Unfortunately my diagnosis is one that, in most case, does not result in such severe consequences as it does in my case. Most people to do not end up in permanent pain & becoming wheelchair users. For all I know this new GP may be someone who will happily write I have no difficulty cooking, for example, as I have no upper part difficulties as one GP did once. I have yet to work out how you cook without walking to the kitchen, going from cooker to sink to work surfaces to fridge, possibly moving heavy pans full of hot food at the same time, without using your knees & legs.

All I could do was indicate that I would be more than happy to see my new GP before they reply to the letter he/she will receive to answer any questions they may have concerning my abilities or otherwise. In the meanwhile my anxieties mount. I'm not sure I could cope with yet another dispute & possible tribunal over my benefits.

When life goes quietly, & the Fox helps me as much as he does, I can cope reasonably well, but I am aware I don't cope well with extra stress. Thoughts of suicide quickly come to the forefront of my mind. I know that sounds melodramatic but it is a reflection that depression is never far away & I'm not confident that I would be able to continue to resist such urges.